Saying no to 4 year old!(5 Posts)
DD has just started school and is really enjoying it. My dilemma is this. My DD always asks in front of her friends and their parents if we can meet in the park, go over to their house/over to ours. Because she lives so close to her friends this is quite possible. However, I am finding that I don't want to do this every night as I think DD is tired enough from the day at school and also I need to get home to get on with dinner and so forth. (she also has a younger sibling whose needs are not being met by this either!)
Some of the invitations are for her to go around without me. Great you may think but I do not feel that she is old enough for this yet.
My dilemma is how do I say no! (without offending or upsetting everyone). All suggestions appreciated.....
Could you specify days for playdates so that it's only on x days - might decrease argument as she gets used to the rule and others get used to the schedule.
My dd is 4 and just started school and does not do playdates without me. I just say that she is too young yet and she can do that when she's bigger. It's not uncommon so I wouldn't expect anyone to be offended.
my SD 8 still does this - our weekday after school rule is no playdates monday to thursday - i'm just too busy with chores to be running kids all over the place and suspect that other mums are too! by the time we've got home, she's faffed with her homework, had supper and watched the simpsons, it's story and bed time. she knows the rules but still tries it on at least once a week by either asking me in front of other mums if x or y can come over or asking other mum's directly if she can come round and play - and then turning on noisy tears and whines of 'why! it's not fair' when the answer is a 'no'
Who is the parent and who is the child? Tell her quite clearly (and this is instillin good manners) that you should not ask to go around to sombody else's house and that you must wait for the invite from the mum etc.
I set a schedule with my 5yo.
We go to the park with classmates on Monday, on Tuesday and Wednesday we have down days (with the option every two weeks or so of meeting up with some old playmates, who I contact), Thursday is music class and Friday swimming.
We have no plans for the weekend, so we can travel around and visit - or just catch up with chores, shop and cook stew for the week!
Recently, DD has started whining and sulking if she doesn't get her way - and I suspect that someone in her class does it and she's trying it out. She throws strops as well - chucking her coat down on the floor etc.... Give me strength. I take a very dim view of sulking and strops.
So, I have to take a deep breath and remember that she's just started school, and that it's stressful for her: her teacher has a different style to us - she punishes for bad behaviour (no play time, naughty step etc) - which we never did, as we always emphasised discipline and teamwork rather than threats, punishments and exclusions.
I really find the sulking and strops very tiring. I hope it's just a phase - and she's copying someone??!!
I wouldn't let a 4yo go alone to a playdate TBH. If only for the reason of not wanting a 4yo friend coming round to ours - we don't have the space - and IMHE they get wild when they're together.. better to meet where they can let off steam.
It's all a work in progress isn't it? Setting boundaries, being consistent, and trying to get them on-side. Here's hoping!
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