3 year old behaviour

[cherryapple]

Hi, my lo is 3.5 and is a handful she has just started nursery school 5 afternoons a week and I have been tod that she is as good as gold. From the minute she gets up shes in a bad mood and demanding everything. She has just started name calling i.e your poo poo which we ignore.Its not very often that she is happy its constant moaning and crying for pretty much mmost of the day.We are at the end of our tether when she is naughty we have sent her to her room, taken toys away and also sat her down on a chair in the middle of the room for 3.5 mins.There have been times when we have gone out for a meal and she refuses to eat throwing a tantrum and running around. I raelise that it could be an age thing and shes pushing the boundries but any advice would be greatly appreciated as no matter how firm I am its not working.

[Weegle]

DS is 3.4 and I'm finding this the most challenging age yet! The defiance is what's getting to me - he never ever listens without a fullscale battle, including running in to carparks. He's started lying and he's having tantrums like he's never had before. Having spoken to my friends with children the same age it does seem to come with the territory and seems to be an age thing. They think they are the big independent child, when in reality they're not. I don't really have any solutions but I've found just continuing to be strict on the boundaries of things which really matter to me, ignoring tantrums, or asking him to leave the room, and trying very hard to have fun and positive times when in reality I don't particularly enjoy his company a lot of the time (at the moment I should add!), seem to be working to some degree. Hoping the phase isn't too long!

[herbgarden]

Cherryapple, my sympathies. I have a very very demanding 3.4 year old who is pushing my buttons something chronic at the moment. If he doesn't have everything his way and now, it produces complete meltdown. I also have a DD of 8.5 months who is starting to get a bit of a handful too so whereas til now I've been able to "accommodate" him now it's all got a bit much. I don't know what to suggest to you but I do find that if I get myself wound up and start being shouty mummy, he just gets worse.

I find the best thing for us all to do to calm down is to spend a bit of one on one time with him - sometimes we even all just climb into our bed, I put DD in her chair with some toys and read some stories; I find sometimes that when we're dashing around here there and everywhere and trying to fit in jobs/washing/admin/phonecalls/ housework I think he feels he doesn't get enough attention.

Otherwise I have no tips other than "it will pass" ! Friends who have had nightmare 3 year olds have on the whole found that they calm down a bit when they start school (and then other problems start)

DS has started saying to me that I'm a "meanie" - I just smile and agree - seems to wind him up !!

[herbgarden]

PS - I also agree with Weegle that just continue to be firm and set boundaries but when they are being "nice" do over the top praising. I also find the "would you like to come and help me" phrase can get over a tantrum quite quickly.

I was finding myself giving in for the sake of peace but I think that is counterproductive and if you can stand the 12 hour battle that is your day, then be consistent with the boundaries... I tend to ignore the tantrums and let him go off in a strop and tell him to come and see me when he's calmed down. When he realises I've ignored him he tends to come eventually as he just gets bored !

[maybebaby23]

My DD is 3.6 and she is a bit of a handfull too! She has started lying too, when she is cross she will refer to me as "SHE" "HER" "SILLY WOMAN" at the top of her voice !! Right little madam! She cannot be trusted to walk while out shopping as she will not listen and seems oblivious to the cars on the road even though i am always on at her about watching the road!

I have to ask her over and over again to do things. I just stick to my word with her which she doesn't like but i think it works. If she has a meltdown i usually send her out of the room. Then she comes back in and is calm again

But she does make me laugh and she is a good girl most of the time. Her little fiesty outbursts make me laugh (once the day is done and she is in bed of course, until then i don't find our battles amusing one bit!)

[sugardumpling]

I've got a right little madam too but tbh she's been like it for ages! She only turned 3 last week. Wants everything her own way, although I've managed to calm the tantrums down a bit. She makes me laugh too, I got called a "grumpy old troll" the other day I was a bit but couldn't keep a straight face!

[shivster1980]

Oh folks you have made me feel so much better. It is like you are describing my DS 3.4! He doesn't listen...ever, doesn't seem to care about punishment, shouts and yells at us, calls us names, etc etc etc. I was feeling very down this evening and then found this and feel so much better knowing it's not just our son! He is great at nursery in the mornings BTW good behaviour stickers galore!