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Can't go through this again :(

(18 Posts)
whoops Thu 01-Oct-09 09:42:06

Last year ds (now 8) got himself into trouble at school and to get the attention away from him because he knew he had done wrong (he had written over the back of another childs shirt) he told his teacher that dh was going to hit him with a belt Dh wouldn't do this but ss and the police were called and we had a nightmare of a time esp as a few days earlier we had been in a car accident too.
Yesterday he was in the middle of several at school, all maybe not his fault but he didn't help things by retaliating (sp?) and this morning he was caught out and we found he lied to us last night about a rubber he said was given to him which he actually took from another child. So I told him that he had lied and needed to appologise to the child for stealing from her and to dh for lying to us. He said yes and as he went into the classroom I heard him saying right in front of the teacher that his Dad was going to hit him with a belt angry
I took dd to school and went back to his school and explained to the admin assistant what has happened she seemed to understand and went and told the TA that what he was saying was untrue but I'm still terrified that we are now going to be reported again

I don't know how much more I can cope with

overmydeadbody Thu 01-Oct-09 09:44:27

oh you poor thing whoops sad

Hopefully if the school know about what happened last time they will not report it this time.

Do you know why your DS says these things? (silly question I know)

Doodlez Thu 01-Oct-09 09:46:42

God Whoops - my children tell all manner of tales in school. I'm frightened to death now, having read your OP!

I think your DS needs a really severe talking to and a very clear explanantion of what happens if SS decide to take him away - and it is NOT like the children's home on Tracey Bloody Beaker.

whoops Thu 01-Oct-09 09:52:21

I have no idea why he says it He knows he is in trouble and thinks we'll forget about it if the attention is moved to someone else.
He is a very clever child and when we were going though the ss thing last year he kept turning around and telling me he would tell child protection whenever I told him off
He has now moved up to Juniors from Infants and I don't know how much they will talk to each other.

overmydeadbody Thu 01-Oct-09 10:02:20

whoops he is clever so presumably he knows how much these accusations hurt you asnd his dad?

Did ss talk to him last time about the seriousness of making false accusations?

Does he want to hurt you for any reason (even if it is just something he blames on you in his mind?)

Doodlez Thu 01-Oct-09 10:07:18

OMDB will disagree with me here I feel but - I'd call his bluff! Ask him if he wants to go live some where else? Tell him you'll organise it for him if he likes. This child has way too much power "I know my rights" syndrome.

overmydeadbody Thu 01-Oct-09 10:12:15

I agree with Doodlez too, but presumably you have already had a severe talking to with him after last time?

overmydeadbody Thu 01-Oct-09 10:14:03

Actually I do agree with you Doodlez grin

It's just that if there is something bothering him inside and he already feels insecure then threatening to send him away could exasserbate that, so it's got to be done in the right way <<sigh>>

Not that I know what that is exactly.

whoops Thu 01-Oct-09 10:19:09

yes he had a very severe talking to last time, he knows how much I suffered through it all.
I was thinking about getting a load of stuff together for him and to tell him he can live somewhere else if he wants.
I don't think he has much respect for me or dh, he has seen people for his behaviour which no one else see as an issue.

overmydeadbody Thu 01-Oct-09 10:51:29

Why doi you think he has no respect for you or DH?

Has something happened in the past or do you think it could actually be something more serious in his persoanlity like oppositional defiant disorder?

MrsMagnolia Thu 01-Oct-09 10:55:16

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hobbgoblin Thu 01-Oct-09 11:02:03

If i were you I'd be asking for some support in dealing with your DS's behavioural issues. The offences are relatively minor but there might well be some deeper seated concerns in your DS for him to lie so dramatically and, like you say, to have such an apparent lack of understanding or respect for the hurt he is causing. Seems to me he is either angry, afraid or frustrated on a quite serious level for this to be happening.

Social Services are too overstretched to deal with non abuse situations in reality, so try talking to SENCo, or your ESCO.

Simply the fact that you are addressing the underlying causes will be 'protective' should SS take further interest. Nothing looks worse than a parent who turns a blind eye to serious behavioural issues and you don't need that on top of allegations your DS is making.

whoops Thu 01-Oct-09 11:05:13

Thank you omdb, that sounds like a lot of things he does. He does get very angry easliy and annoys people too.
MrsM, ds has a medical condition that affects his kidneys and we have seen behavioural professionals that have done questionnaires on Michael but they have come back to being nothing.
I thought it was odd them reporting to ss based on a comment but that is what they did and they weren't going to tell me til the next day but did that day as he had locked himself in a cupboard at the end of the day.
I really don't know what to do with him anymore as I am constantly worry about what he has one and what he will do next

hobbgoblin Thu 01-Oct-09 11:08:28

Well, as I posted I was thinking that at best you will be referred to Ed Pscyh or BST. Notoriously they are a bit of a let down. But that's all there is.

There are simple strategies you can employ once you understand where he is coming from.

Are you perceptive/intuitive when it comes to other people? If so, you can do LOTS of self help.

overmydeadbody Thu 01-Oct-09 11:10:30

oh whoops, I really feel for you.

Have you talked to the SENCO at his school? It might be worth making an appointment to see her/him and have a good long chat about your DS.

Also might be worth talking to your GP about it? (although this can be hit and miss whether they take you seriously or not or can even be bothered to help, but some GPs are good, I have heard.

Could his earlier medical problems caused his insecurity?

overmydeadbody Thu 01-Oct-09 11:12:24

The school had to report what he said to ss the first time, regardless of whether they thought they where true or not. But hopefully they will know your DS well enough now to no report this incident.

I have to go to work now so sorry if I disappear.

whoops Thu 01-Oct-09 11:29:23

I know the school have to report it but just hoping that the Juniors will talk to the Infants before doing anything this time.
I have spoken to the gp before about his baheviour and we had an outside agency that has councellors & phsycologists for children and they spoke to Michael about his diagnosis and the regular blood tests he has and they didn't seem think it was an issue for him.
Dh is going to take him out tonight for a walk and maybe stop for a milkshake or something to see if he can find out what is going on

FiPie Thu 01-Oct-09 13:58:40

My ds (almost 8) just went up to Juniors and has gone from being a confident, popular boy to being much less confident and seemingly struggling with friendships. They mixed up his classes and he's no longer with his main friends, although they still mix in the playground - but he's had classes mixed before and it's never been a problem.

He says no-one will pass to him now when they are playing football at playtime. Might sound trivial but it's really upsetting him. He used to love school and now says he doesn't want to go.

The teacher says he is fine and settling in fine to Juniors.

Anyone else had a problem with this transition??

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