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(9 Posts)
Kenny10 Wed 30-Sep-09 15:01:54

Help please. My 18 month old ds just bit a young girl really badly this morning at our mother and toddler group. He has been biting for a while but we thought he had stopped it. i am finding it very hard to deal with and feel quite low really. i am doing the usual recommended things, be very firm and say 'biting hurts' etc. He was really upset as well and i wouldnt pick him up for a few minutes while i was making a fuss of the girl who was bitten. He is quite physical with children his own age and doesn't interact well with them really. we are a bit concerned although i know it is probably within the bounds of normal toddler behaviour. it's just so mortifying when its your child. He's a lovely, bright, contented child otherwise.

NanaNina Wed 30-Sep-09 19:51:34

Hi Kenny 10 - biting in a child this age is a perfectly normal stage of development. I eel for you though as it is usually seen by others as so much worse than hitting or pulling (or other toddler type activity) and it is just the same really. My son and dil have very close friends whose daughter went through this stage and the poor parents were mortified and were convinced it was their fault. Like your child she was lovely, bright and contented. She grew out of it just as we all said she would. I well remember my own son going through the phase and my grand daughter's cousin did too at the same age. People see it as somehow "animal" behaviour but it isn't at all, it's just something that toddlers go through.

I think one of the hardest things is the reaction of others to biting, and I think you need to develop a way of dealing with this in a matter of fact way. You are doing exactly the right thing by telling your little boy that biting hurts etc but to be honest, there is not a lot else you can do, other than try to see the signs that he is about to bite and stop him but this isn't always possible I know. Really it is a matter of waiting for the phase to pass, which it will, honest.

Please don't blame yourself and don't let this phase stop your enjoyment in your little boy - he sounds wonderful and will grow into a lovely little boy.

Kenny10 Wed 30-Sep-09 22:16:08

Thanks very much NanaNina that is helpful. i know a lot of it is down to our own feelings around peoples reactions etc and none of that is easy to handle. I think the key word is 'acceptance' for me right now and to keep dealing with it in the same way as you say.

Reesie Thu 01-Oct-09 07:01:41

My dd1 was identical to your lo. She started biting at about 16 months and I found it really hard to deal with too. She also was quite physical and would happily attack someone if they took her toy away! sad

I thought she would never grow out of it - I kept telling myself that it was only a phase but I started avoiding toddler groups and meet ups with friends with other children as it was so stressful. I was always much, much worse when she was tired.

When she bit - i would remove her from the bitee and put her in a corner somewhere and say firmly 'WE DO NOT BITE' and then lavish attention on the bitee. We also started giving the bitee a small toy of hers to say sorry (I used to keep small cars in my handbag).

Anyway - fast forward to now - she's now 2.8 and you couldn't meet a more wonderful little girl smile. She is gentle, caring and is beautiful at sharing. If I take her on a little play date - I can leave her play without worrying. DD2 is 5 months and she is gentle and caring towards her too.

A friends little boy was a biter too and he is gorgous and lovely now too. So - I just wanted to let you know - they DO grow out of it!

littleboyblue Thu 01-Oct-09 07:10:56

Hi. I've been quite lucky so far. Ds1 isn't a biter, he is a pusher.
Anyway, the reason I'm posting is because ds1 was biten really badly at a play group a while ago. It was very very deep and ds1 was very upset.
The mum of the boy that bit him was mortified and cried herself, she thought I was going to go mental about it, but tbh, I was obviously upset that my boy had been hurt but at the same time ould accept that these things happen iyswim.
I didn't blame the mum, I didn't judge her or her child, I told her to calm heself down, that tis was just one of those things and that if I couldn't accept that my ds would be hit/pushed/bitten every now and again, I shouln't take him out of the house!

It is normal toddler behaviour, but I know hw you feel, I become mortified when ds1 pushes people over, but I'm realising that I am doing all I can to iscourage the behaviour just as you are and other than that, these phases are just a waiting game really.

ICANDOTHAT Thu 01-Oct-09 07:49:24

My ds1 was a biter until just before his 3rd birthday ... quite late really. I tried everything, biting back, ignoring it, removing him from the room etc etc. It only stopped once he was at nursery and the staff used to put him in time out. Not saying you will have to wait that long. This is normal behaviour - some toddlers, push, slap, head but, bite, pinch, kick ..... Just to say, that he is now a delightful 13 yo and when I tell him of his biting days, he's horrified wink

Kenny10 Thu 01-Oct-09 08:40:49

Thanks to all of you for the support. It makes me feel a lot better as I'm running out the door to work! Reesie- I felt exactly like you did yesterday, was going to withdraw from all of human society and never meet anybody again but i don't think thats the answer for me really. From what some of you are saying it could be a while before this finally stops so i would end up being very lonely i think. thanks again. smile

pispirispis Thu 01-Oct-09 09:51:51

My 17 month old dd won't stop biting me! She doesn't go to nursery/cm so only really has contact with other children when we have friends visiting/at the park, and so far there hasn't been a problem <<crosses fingers>>. But she won't stop pulling my hair and nose really hard and biting and scratching me. I say "No" very firmly and put her down immediately, but she just laughs and toddles off to play <<bangs head off wall>> I also take her hand and stroke it on my face and say "Aw, nice mummy" but she just laughs and tries to yank my nose again <<sigh>> I gues they'll just eventually start to understand that they shouldn't do it and grow out of it, hopefully!

Kenny10 Thu 01-Oct-09 15:54:26

Hi pispirispis. yes my ds bites me and my partner all the time as well as other children. several times in a day often. and he hits us as well. i respond in much the same way as you and say things like 'only hugs and kisses allowed, no hitting or biting.' Of course other children may not want him hugging or kissing them either but it seems infinitely preferable to biting them i think.grin

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