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Please help re DS1 (6yrs) and his nasty temper and name calling....

(5 Posts)
rolledhedgehog Mon 28-Sep-09 13:55:06

Over the last few month DS1, 6 and in Yr2, has developed a really nasty temper. He can be perfectly calm but when asked to do sommehting he is not happy with (like homework) he flips instantly and screams and shouts, cries etc. He really gets in a state.

We have learnt the best way to deal with this is to walk away and remain calm but since he does have to do some things he does not like we so say that he can't watch TV/play DS/have reading time later until he does whatever. This tends to work but is very emotionally dranining every day.

Over the last couple of weeks he has started calling DH and I names. This is mostly when he is in a strop but he sometimes calls DH names when he is calm too. I am not talking swear words but stuff like fat pig, stupid old man, stupid old hag (my favourite). We have told him this is not acceptable and is very hurtful and take things off him he likes such as Club Penguin time or reading time at night (that's a big punishment for him as he is obsessed with reading). DH is finding this really hard to deal with and is taking it personally.

My feeling is that when he uses name calling in a strop he saw it got a reaction so he is now using it to push the boundaries even more. We told him that if we had called our parents names we would have got hit and he seemed almost keen we should hit him - I think so he could gain the upper hand as we always say 'we don't hit in this house' when any of the children lash out.

He is perfectly behaved at school thank God. He has a very strict teacher this year and I have noticed his behaviour at home has declined as more is expected of him at school. Homework is a particular trigger for the outbursts - he loathes writing.

Any ideas of how we can deal with both the terrible temper and the name calling?

MamaG Mon 28-Sep-09 13:57:46

A bit cringingly, I would suggest more rewarding of good bheaviour than taking things away for bad.

Could you have him earn reading time/club P time? I.e. if you do your homework now, you can have 10 minutes on CP rather than "right! You're not going on CP now"

MamaG Mon 28-Sep-09 13:58:57

I say cringingly because its all ab it "star chart" isn't it, but it does work!

rolledhedgehog Mon 28-Sep-09 14:04:36

I see your point. When I have tried that re homework he starts bargaining with me 'If I do two lines of writing can I have 10 mins of DS?' 'How about 3 lines....etc etc'.

Maybe it is about getting in there first with if you do a whole page....


MamaG Mon 28-Sep-09 14:10:57

Yeah i think so. Got to be worth a try hasn't it?

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