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Behaviour/development

DD, 18 mo, prefers anybody over me?

10 replies

Comma2 · 28/09/2009 01:48

I have noticed that my dd, 18 mo, never comes to me when there is company around. After the inital shyness is over, she'll go and sit on laps, snuggle with random people, but will not even look at me.

Besides of slowly getting jealous and mad, as I take care of her alkmost entirely by myself, I am getting worried that I am not good to her- am 34 weeks pregnant and cannot play much etc, and am also really hormonal and bit of a sad act. I only get the entire no-load and all the tantrums. Am I alienating the child?? Feel sad about this.

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nellynaemates · 28/09/2009 09:27

To me it sounds like you've got a very healthy, secure child. She is so secure in knowing her mummy is there for her that she doesn't feel the need to cling onto you all the time and instead feels free to explore and interact with other people.

I know it feels crap sometimes when you want your toddler to give you a cuddle - especially when you're hormonal - but really it sounds like you've done a great job so far.

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MrsBadger · 28/09/2009 09:37

she doesn't prefer them really

nelly is right re the security

the other thing (bluntly) is that from her perspective you are boring - same old mummy changing the same nappies, running the same bath, getting the same milk cup, putting to bed etc etc etc.
But this is good. This is where the security comes from.
Other people have the virtue of novelty but when she is hurt or sad or tired (and hence unfortunately most liable to tantrum) she comes back to lovely safe boring mummy.

Don't beat yourself up, and do try to arrange some help for when the new baby is here.

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Catitainahatita · 29/09/2009 04:23

Being in more or less the same postition as you (34 weeks pg with a 21 month old DS who shows similar tendencies to abandon his mum at every available opportunity) I sympathise greatly. It is quite hurtful isn't it?

But do try to remember that what everyone has said here is true. Your DD is outgoing and confident in social situations thanks to you having given her the security and safety to be like that. She loves you to bits, I bet.

Just think about it. Who does she call for in the middle of the night when she wakes up? Who does she want to "kiss it better"? It might not be much fun being that person (2nd best except if somethis is needed); but it seems to me to be a normal mummy role to be in.

Good luck with the pg; and yes, if you can, get some help for after the birth! You'll need some TLC then too, as well as your DD.

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Catitainahatita · 29/09/2009 04:24

"something" sorry

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thumbwitch · 29/09/2009 05:19

yep, pretty normal - DS (nearly 22mo) does the same and I'm not even pg. In fact, he prefers the tv to me sometimes - if I come home after being out all day and he's watching tv, sometimes he won't even look at me, let alone say hello or give me a cuddle. Currently I am outranked by MIL's dog - that's just great.

But still, when he's tired or in need of comfort, it's me he comes to. When he starts going to someone else for that, that's when I'll worry.

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Comma2 · 29/09/2009 18:56

Yes, but I am not so sure she comes to me when she needs something. Last time we had visitors, she was very tired in the end and cuddled up to everybody (really) but me. When she gets hurt now, daddy is all that's needed. In fact, I think she could do very well without me if somebody else was available. So that sucks a bit...

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piscesmoon · 29/09/2009 19:17

She is secure enough to take you for granted so I shouldn't worry.

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Comma2 · 29/09/2009 20:23

Thanks everybody. You really made me feel better there.

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jojochanel · 29/09/2009 21:21

Comma2 - DS1 went through a complete daddy hating phase at about 20 months - he wouldn't even want him in the room and it was very upsetting for DH and very wearing for me. He passed through it within about 3 months and now he can't get enough of him - I'm just boring mum that tidies up after him.

just keep cuddling her when you can especially when Dc2 comes and I'm sure she'll grow out of it

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Comma2 · 29/09/2009 21:46

but I'm the one that takes care of her almost entirely by myself

I'm sure you are right. Actually, and if I'm not traumatizing her somehow y being hormonal, might be quite good if she doesn't need me so much when dd2 comes....