Dealing with an 18mo dummy addict

[MaHobbit]

OK it's been done hundreds of times, I'm sure.

Sprout used to be a terrible sleeper, now I'd say average for his age. Dummies are strictly for sleep times ony or very long car journeys (e.g the 8 hour trip to Cornwall). But he's an addict. Until a couple of days he used to demand ask for at least two. So far have cut it down to one and stopped giving him the dummy until he's actually in the cot, rather than during story when he settles.

What next? Cold turkey? More gradual tactic? CM will do as I ask, grandma (regular childcare and sleepovers) won't be able to refuse him so whatever needs to work quick on my days off.

Giving up now because I'd intended to earlier but family situation meant I didn't have the strength. 11 weeks pregnant and can't face having two with dummies somehow. 2 in nappies I can face, but 2 with dummies pushes the wrong buttons!

[2cats2many]

My 2 1/2 yr old still has her dummy for sleep time. I was going to try and stop it altogether (again!) until a friend, whose daughter (who is the same age as my daughter) sucks her thumb, asked me why I would do such a thing, and she couldn't imagine asking her dd to stop sucking her thumb.

TBH, it made me stop and think. Although I don't like seeing older children walking around with dummies all the time, I decided not to stress about her using it at sleep-time.

I bet it gives your son so much comfort and he's still just a baby really...Why not let him keep it for a bit longer?

[MaHobbit]

Guess I'm a bit afraid that when bubs comes along he'll want it soooo much more often/take the baby's dummy etc. etc.

Selfishly, I can't face being hooge and having to get up to help him find it if he loses it (usually 2-3 nights a week).

[Tee2072]

First of all, the new baby may not even want a dummy. Some kids never use them.

Second of all, I agree that he's just a little tyke and why deprive him if it helps him sleep? And is he old enough if you left more than one in his cot he'd find one of them without help?

[2cats2many]

Well, there's an 18month age gap between my two and we've used a dummy with number 2.

Even at 18months old, DD was able to understand that we didn;t share dummies and that baby was allowed the dummy downstairs because he was just a baby, etc. We had a few blips, but its been mostly OK.

Mind you, she polices the 'no dummies downstairs' rule fiercely now that it's one year on.

[MaHobbit]

Usually can find, but couple of times a week he gets through 2 or three kocking them out of the cot whilst reaching for them half asleep.

[colditz]

It doesn't matter.

This is one of those things that causes them so much pleasure and you very very little inconvenience.

besides, he's just wake up at night and steal the baby's (voice of hard earned experience!) - and how unfair will it feel to him if his baby sibling has a lovely sucky comfort dummy, and a great deal of mummy's attention? Don't be mean.

[MaHobbit]

Seems I am the only hard faced c*w on here then! Maybe I do need to back off a bit. I think he'd have given up at 12 months but my father passed away suddenly and poor sprout could tell something was very wrong with mummy for a few weeks. He was so good and it really WOULD have been unreasonable to deprive him then. If I don't do it now, I don't want to do it when no2 comes along because again there'll be a lot of change and he'll need some comfort then.

[colditz]

just don't do it. They give them up on their own when they feel strong enough to be without their comfort object - why would you take it before he is ready to give it?

[MaHobbit]

Right, thanks for the advice. Off to reconsider my position with he who should learn to obey . We have this curious notion of deciding parenting stuff together so maybe we need to talk about backing off. TBH I think I was more keen on getting rid than he was anyway.

[kateGB]

DD1 never had a dummy, instead as soon as she could she pulled up the cot sheet and sucked that so I ended up giving her cut up bits of blanket instead. She's 5 now and still sucks her blanket in bed. DD2 screamed from birth and a dummy was required to retain my sanity. Now 22 months and still sucking.

I figure if they are still sucking them by the time they are 16 then we have issues....

[MaHobbit]

My mother just informed me I had mine til 3 a 1/2 and only gave up because my granny's bin man saw me and ribbed me mercilessly. So, the tactic should be leave well alone for a couple of years and then pay a virtual stranger to take the p*ss!

Think I'll leave it where we are up to and wait til he can understand a bit more He's still quite little and is generally such an easy kid to deal with. He needs one vice. I'm off to bed and might stop by his room on the way to have a little peek at how cute he is.

[clarea1]

I've just taken DS's awy - cold turkey and he coped fine, in fact I don't think he's that fussed. He is 7 months, i figured easier now than in a year or two..... he has no teeth and I wanted it gone before they came.

Maybe I'm just cruel!

[colditz]

It's different twhen they're little, they don't miss it, it's just something in their mouth.

[bergentulip]

My DS1 had a dummy til his 3rd birthday. Just at bedtime etc... and certainly never playing or walking around outside. Perhaps when tired in the evenings.

When he turned 3, we told him the dummy fairy was coming, had a little ritual, collected all the dummies in the house, put them in a bag, hung them on a branch of the tree in the garden and wrote a note to the dummy fairy. Next morning, dummies gone and a lovely new plastic (cheap!) ride-on tractor was under the tree.

Job done. Never asked for one ever again. Our DS2 was 4mths old at the time and had his own dummy, but DS1 not once tried to take it.

Wait til old enough for a story and a bit of mystery and it is much, much easier to get rid of it. No tears, no tantrums, no fuss.
One day we had a little boy who refused to sleep without one, the next day it was as if the dummy had never existed!

[MaHobbit]

Decision made. Sprout is too big to just have it taken - as Colditz said he'd miss it and ask for it - and too little for the "dummy fairy". I shall leave it and reconsider when he's a bit bigger.

Thanks all. Actually feel better about this strategy. Think I was hoping no dummy would be the answer to his disturbed nights phases he goes through every now and again, but thinking back when he had us up in the last week he always had his dummy so it must be something else. Growing up is so difficult, and I think he's gowing through a bit of a mental growth thing which usually means he gets a bit uneasy at night. (Overheard him talking when half asleep and he's so obviously processing what happened in the day).

[bondgirl77]

MaHobbit, have you tried one of those Sleepytots? They are soft toys with Velcro on each of the four paws and you can attach dummies to them - harder to lose out of the cot and they soon learn to cuddle it find it in the night. Might help you get a less disturbed night?