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How do I know if this is normal behavour for my nearly 3y old?

(11 Posts)
bigbumhel Sat 26-Sep-09 15:59:49

Hi everyone this is my first time on here and posting a question! I have a girl who will be 3 in couple of weeks time and she has uncontrollable rages. She bites, pinches, hits, head butts (she has broken my nose), kicks and basically won't stop until she has physically hurt you. She pulls her own hair if she is really frustrated and her anger tends to be when you stop her from doing something or when she not ready to go or wants to go a certain route to some where then she will stop dead and won't budge even if its in the middle of the road and so when you go to move her you end up getting attacked. She has been like this since she was 13 months old I spoke to two health visitors who said it was terrible twos. What does everyone else think is this normal behaviour she will grow out of? Sorry for rambling!!! x

cory Sat 26-Sep-09 16:03:08

sounds normal to me; both my dcs did it

but it's a good idea to make sure that you don't allow her to hurt you- by restraining her gently but firmly after the first punch or hit

I used to hold both arms and manouevre so I could sit down and put one of my legs over theirs from behind to stop kicking

by holding both arms you can pull those nasty little teeth away

bigbumhel Sat 26-Sep-09 16:14:43

Thanks for replying so quickly (smile)! I thought I'd wait until she started nursery and see what they say and also to see if it pulls her out of it and if it doesn't then I will look to seeing into it abit more. Thanks again x

meandjoe Sat 26-Sep-09 16:35:44

It does sound normal to me. My friend's nearly 3 year old boy is very similar although he doesn't bite (yet) he screams, pinches and really punches so hard the moment he doesn't get his own way. He was punching his mum the other day because she said he wasn't allowed a packet of crisps. I think restraining or naughty step/ timeout are the way to go.

isittooearlyforgin Sat 26-Sep-09 17:16:52

my dd was absolutely manic with tantrums at this age and once I'd got her out of danger and she was somewhere safe, i completely ignored til she ran out of steam, restraining just added fuel to the fire

linserella Sat 26-Sep-09 21:26:28

i agree it does sound quite normal, though still extreme - it's a lot to put up with. my DD has lashed out, hit (frequently) and bitten me hard (once). she has also trashed one of her toys to smithereens in a rage. she hasn't punched or tried to physically hurt me (or herself) as such (when she bit me it was more like she'd seen it and decided to have a chomp, wasn't even during a tantrum) it's more lashing out in rage. it's so hard and i feel for you and i asked advice on here after the last incident. the general consensus was naughty step / time out and reward chart and it definately made a huge difference and i'd say her tantrums have improved (she's just turned 3). this more disciplined approach was slightly alien to me but i was surprised by how well she responded to it. i do remember there was another valid suggestoin of hugging and reassuring (rather than getting angry) till they calm down. i'm sure her behaviour will improve once she's socialising with others at nursery. good luck x

colditz Sat 26-Sep-09 21:29:13

It's normal but it needs to be FIRMLY disciplined.

colditz Sat 26-Sep-09 21:31:19

yeah... see, the thing is, if she does this at nursery, the other child she attacks won't hurt her and reassure her, which will be what she has come to expect. They'll either scream in her face, and the nursery staff will discipline her, or they'll just bite her and take a chunk out of her face.

Best not to leave it until nursery really. And I don't think the reassuring hug cuts it when it's a full blown attack rather than a tantrum.

Ripeberry Sat 26-Sep-09 21:34:33

You need to nip this in the bud. I've seen too many grown men and women being 'beaten up' by their kids when they are older (4 or 5yr olds) and they just stand there and take it! Or even worse laugh!

bigbumhel Mon 28-Sep-09 18:03:44

I have been trying the time out route for over a year and it doesn't make a blind bit of difference and I ignore her, she doesn't get away with anything but I have to say everything i have been doing hasn't so far dampened her anger and i refuse to let her do as she likes just to have an easy life. she needs to know rules and boundries but she doesn't tend to like them (what child does!) but boy do you suffer!! It may be a matter of biding my time possibly and just keep doing what we are doing in respect of disciplining her? xx

Danthe4th Mon 28-Sep-09 18:17:12

Do you also praise her when she behaves how you want? I only ask as sometimes it is easy to focus on the behaviour we don't like but when children are doing something well even just sitting down nicely they should have heeps of praise.It helps to turn the situation around, walk away when they are angry and frustrated but make sure that there are lots of situations that she can be praised, doing a simple jigsaw and putting it away, explain in advance what you want her to do. I still have to give my boys a 10 and 5 minute warning of whats going to happen, and usually they will happily comply.If time out doesn't work don't bother doing it.good luck

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