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6 year old behaviour is just not normal

(32 Posts)
junglist1 Thu 24-Sep-09 19:28:38

He ran into the road in temper because I wouldn't get a cab home. He tries to steal from the supermarket (I have to turn his pockets out). His tantrums are uncontrollable. Once in a newsagent he got a box of crisps and chucked all of them on the floor and stamped on them. If anyone tells him off when he's in a tantrum he tells them to fuck off. It's always in public and it's embarrasing. His 10 year old brother is scared of him. He throws things out of windows in cars, and called a cab driver a paedophile shock. This has been going on for years.
My reactions are sometimes calm, trying to talk to him, threatening to take toys away etc, sometimes screeching at him. Sometimes my brain just shuts down, when he mashed up the crisps I walked out of the shop without him like a robot. Help

junglist1 Thu 24-Sep-09 19:30:17

He's very loving when it's just us at home by the way, not a nasty boy really, and loves animals, so not a mini psychopath

junglist1 Thu 24-Sep-09 19:35:07

Bump

MovingOutOfBlighty Thu 24-Sep-09 19:37:46

I hope someone is able to help. you sound at your wits end.
Sorry no advice but I hope your ds and you work it out.

LadyoftheBathtub Thu 24-Sep-09 19:37:56

I have no experience but it does sound like the problem is bad enough for you to get some help with it. Have you been to the GP about it / been referred? Is there anything that could be upsetting him that he's not telling you?

Hope someone who knows what they're talking about a bit more will be along soon,

char861 Thu 24-Sep-09 19:38:19

my ds 4 behaviour is terrible. no advice really coz a dont know what to do wi him. tonight was so bad i ended up smacking him. its mostly me and his dad he is like that with so i always think its something im doing. i do the same though walk away and ignore. my ds seems to have such rage sometimes. i find it so hard to take him anywhere

junglist1 Thu 24-Sep-09 19:41:50

I was in an emotionally abusive relationship, which I've now left. He has seen me defending myself so many times he is no very protective of himself, he won't take any criticism off anyone. It's my fault really, but these relationships are very hard to get out of. I will see the GP, sometimes I wish someone would just come and sedate him. That sounds awful

LadyoftheBathtub Thu 24-Sep-09 19:45:04

Don't blame yourself - you got out, well done.

I once saw a documentary about difficult children and there was a boy whose dad had died and for years he had blamed himself. Only when a care worker told him it was not his fault did it all come out.

Could it be that he felt responsible when you were harmed? It may help to tell him he wasn't to blame at all.

(But again I am not an expert and don't want to make things worse - I would see GP about it all)

char861 Thu 24-Sep-09 19:47:10

i feel the same honest. it sounds bad but its just so hard. dont blame yourself though. i have been on and off with my ds dad and we are together now. i always feel i am to blame but i sometimes think i have been too soft with him. well done tho, you sound like you have been through it. stay strong dont give up. my next door neighbour has a different guy round and stayin all the time and her kid is fine. dont you wish supernanny would come and fix it lol, without the cameras ofcourse. i always feel at my wits end. do you work?

junglist1 Thu 24-Sep-09 19:47:27

Could be. I think he's just angry about the whole thing, really. They've heard things they never should have. I've ruined him, he was such a sweet baby.

LadyoftheBathtub Thu 24-Sep-09 19:48:32

Don't say that, I'm sure you can get to the bottom of this and help him.

junglist1 Thu 24-Sep-09 19:48:36

Char I'm at uni full time, which I'm so grateful for! I'm at peace there!

char861 Thu 24-Sep-09 19:50:49

no you havent ruined him honest. its hard on your own just to survive the day never mind implement changes. hv can really help.

char861 Thu 24-Sep-09 19:52:04

oh im at uni full time too. its my life saviour. really that sounds bad but its a break for me.

junglist1 Thu 24-Sep-09 19:52:41

I'm going to try and show him people can be kind. We live in a bad area and I'm quite aggressive and defensive myself, I have to be. I talk to him and explain his behaviour isn't acceptable and he has the best intentions but then he just freaks. On a lighter note, he says he'll never drink a slush puppy again after my friend bought him one because he said he couldn't control himself afterwards!!

junglist1 Thu 24-Sep-09 19:54:15

Have read your thread char. Sounds quite similar. It's so unpredictable how outings are going to turn out isn't it?

char861 Thu 24-Sep-09 19:56:27

I know what you mean. one moment they are the nicest and the next second its chaotic. i really dont know how to handle it. im the same as you tho. area not great and my ds knows all the swear words etc. its awful really.

ELongstocking Thu 24-Sep-09 20:03:23

No you haven't ruined him. It sounds like you're coming out of a really bad situation. You've got lots and lots of time to keep loving your two boys, and helping them through this.

I agree with what the others have said about getting some help for your youngest boy - can the school suggest something maybe? TBH it also sounds like you could do with some back-up yourself. Are you able to share your feelings with a friend? Or is there a free counselling service at Uni?

The only practical suggestion I can make is maybe to figure out if there is a pattern, and if you're going to be in a situation you think might make him kick off talk about it in advance in a completely friendly, understanding way? And when he has lost it, later on (like when he's having his bath) can you maybe try to talk to him gently, sympathetically and calmly about what happened, and how you know he gets angry sometimes and how horrible that feels inside etc. The main thing is to show that you see things from his point of view, even if you have to do it through gritted teeth.

My Dad committed suicide when I was 8 and I went through a very stormy patch a bit like what you are describing with your son, and this is the kind of thing my Mum used to try do with me (I think on professional advice).

Good luck with everything. I'll be thinking of you.

junglist1 Thu 24-Sep-09 20:08:58

The pattern seems to be tantrum on the way to school, and the way home. We talk when he's calm and I ask why he ran away or whatever the incident was and he says something in his head told him to. I will try to keep calm as much as possible. And I will go to the GP and ask for counselling for us or just him. Thanks for all your replies I was expecting to get flamed!

junglist1 Thu 24-Sep-09 20:11:45

And good point about having time. Their whole childhood hasn't been ruined. Our home is now a real home, where we can relax, thank God

ELongstocking Thu 24-Sep-09 20:12:57

Flamed??? You are DEFINITELY blaming yourself too much.

Maybe don't ask him why - don't make it heavy just say something like " Wow you were feeling pretty angry on the way home yesterday, eh? That must have made you feel really bad inside". He probably doesn't know himself why he loses it.

Good luck with everything. xxx.

junglist1 Thu 24-Sep-09 20:20:31

Thanks for your support. It's just me being on guard as usual. I will use that wording next time. It might make him feel understood more.

overmydeadbody Thu 24-Sep-09 20:50:12

Please don't blame yourself. Don't think or say you have ruined him, please. That is so sad and it could become a self-fulfilling prophecy if you are not careful.

Have you ruled out the possibility of him having oppositional defiant disorder?

overmydeadbody Thu 24-Sep-09 20:53:23

does this sound familiar?

Have a look, even if it is just to rule it out.

junglist1 Thu 24-Sep-09 21:05:39

He has 5 of the symptoms. When teachers tell him off he acts out by stealing their stuff, pens, even house keys once. He sticks his middle finger up when he doesn't want to do something. I think I'll mention it to the GP, especially as that article said it's treated without meds. Thanks for that, people kept suggesting ADHD but I had the instinct that wasn't it. That's really helped

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