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What to do when my 2.1 year old pushes other children

(22 Posts)
littleboyblue Thu 24-Sep-09 08:56:49

My ds1 is 2.1 yrs and has been in that 'terrible 2's'/violent phase for a while.
Generally he is a lovely little boy, but like all, has his moments!
It started off that he was pushing but wasn't actually nasty with it, it was clear he just didn't know it was naughty iyswim. Lately though, it has turned into knowingly hurting others, I think.
Atm, when he pushes or hits, I take him out of the room and sit him in a 'naughty spot' and firmly tell him that he is sitting there because he pushed someone and he mustn't do that blah blah blah, then after a couple of minutes I get him up and tell im again that he should push etc and he has to be nice to the other children, but he carries on. He doesn't care about being taken away from play and sitting on his own.

The other day, we were at play group and he pushed a little girl so I took him out and told him off, then he did it again and again and all the other mum's were looking at me like I was the scum of the earth because I have a 2 yo that pushes hmm

Sorry to waffle on and on, but is there anything else I can try?

littleboyblue Thu 24-Sep-09 09:12:05

bump

Bensmum76 Thu 24-Sep-09 09:56:46

I try to explain to my ds who is almost two that its not nice to push other people, and that it hurts and we don;t want to hurt other people do we? And I usually get a 'No', and then he stops. I'm sure there will come a time when he continues and I think removing him from the situation would then be the answer.
I hope this helps

mmrsceptic Thu 24-Sep-09 10:01:25

getting pleasure out of pushing isn't sadistic but attention seeking

mine pushed because he didn't know how to get other children to play with him, but it was a bit older, at 4

I had to show him how to get involved in a group of children and join in without having to be the boss or having other children's attention focussed on him

I sort of had to join in the playing for a bit, eventually it all sorted itself out

don't know if that applies to a two year old, may be a bit young for it

mmrsceptic Thu 24-Sep-09 10:04:57

so basically, what I'm saying is, don't firefight, be proactive

don't sit chatting with the mums, be with him and forestall pushing occasions

it won't last for long, maybe two or three sessions, but he will get the hang of it

AnotherBloodySugaBabe Thu 24-Sep-09 10:06:54

Stay away from softplay grin

littleboyblue Thu 24-Sep-09 11:54:00

Thanks smile

The playgroup we normally go to and the one we were at where I was apparently a scum-bag is pretty interactive anyway so the parents are encouraged to do activities with their dc's. For example, on monday (the day that I spoke about in OP) we were making biscuits and decorating them so me and ds1 were together for quite a while, but when he gets bored and wants to do something else, I let him.

He has been doing this for months now and people keep telling me it will pass and I'm sure it will, but I'm stuck for what people expect me to do about it when I feel I'm already doing the most I can to discourage this behaviour iyswim.....

bubblagirl Thu 24-Sep-09 12:05:33

i found moving my son away and saying no pushing every time he done it worked well every time he pushed he didnt get to play he soon learnt pushing meant no fun

mmrsceptic Thu 24-Sep-09 12:05:47

ahem

you are not a scumbag smile

sorry can't be more helpful you sound very wearied by it

littleboyblue Thu 24-Sep-09 12:13:56

I know I'm not a scum bag grin
I'm getting very paranoid about it and I don't know why......I know he is experimenting with his personality, I know that there isn't really any more I can do but remove him from the situation and explain what he has done wrong, but it's very wearing when it's gone on for so long.
Ds1 is such a lovely, funny little boy and most of the people we see often fully understand his current phase and are fine, I just hate people judging him and me.

I'll just have to continue with what we're doing and hope it passes soon! grin

katiestar Thu 24-Sep-09 23:37:30

He is doing it for attention.Get down and play with him so he has no need to do it.If he does then stop and sit him on a chair next to you for a couple of minutes.

piprabbit Thu 24-Sep-09 23:53:44

Try focussing your attention on the child who has been pushed, pick them up, check they are OK, take them to their mum, find them a nice toy to play with...whatever you can think of.
Meanwhile your DS is getting zero attention for pushing - instead of being rewarded by being centre of attention.

littleboyblue Fri 25-Sep-09 06:48:38

katie I am and do play with him so I don't think it's that at all.
pip Yeah I've done that a few times, it's harder with a child/family you don't know though isn't it?

Supercherry Fri 25-Sep-09 08:29:08

Littleboyblue, you're already doing all you can to teach your little boy not to push. You know he's not being malicious and it's just a phase. Toddlers are hard work, all you can do is continue as you're doing, be consistent.

Other parents won't be judging you because you are dealing with the situation. That's all you can do.

I doubt there are any parents of toddlers that wont understand how you feel. I feel exactly the same with DS, 19mths, it feels like fighting a losing battle sometimes doesn't it?

I came on here for similar advice a couple of mths ago and a poster advised to maybe avoid stressful situations for a while to give yourself a break. Maybe you could skip the group for a couple of weeks and do something like swimming with him instead? There's nothing like a couple of 'good' days to cheer you up.

littleboyblue Fri 25-Sep-09 17:59:14

Thank you Supercherry smile
It can get quite difficult because ds2 is only 7 months.

Most parents, like you say are fine and quite understanding because they've been through it, but some whose dc's are younger don't really get it as they haven't faced it yet iyswim?

Thank you for your reassurance x

sunshineandshowers Fri 25-Sep-09 21:03:03

I have alot of experince with this.

My DS is 2y3m. He starting pushing at 18m. I tried everything (many things mentioned above). None of it worked. He would run accross playgrounds to push another child for NO REASON. I stopped going out, it was terrible. He is also quite a big lad, so all the worse.

Eventually, I went to see a child psychologist riend of a friend. She helped me try to work out why he was doing it. She talked about what I had tried. We decided that I thought it had become a game and a drama and he loved it. We have now definitely turned the corner (touch wood) and the last 2 months have been much better. These are the rules I now follow (with help from cp):

1. No chatter. DS is 2, doesn't need explanations of why puching is bad, just say "No pushing". That is it.

2. If I go to a group now to be more than one metre away from him.

3. So now when he does it I hold his wrist, say no pushing and I carry on talking or doing whatever I am doing. I have to make it boring for him. Even if I was not talking I talk about the sky. It was a bit silly at first he just skirms and tries to lie down, but it has worked. I realised after a few times he was angry at me, there was no joy or complacency like before.

You have my utter sympathies. This may not be the right thing for you, bit hopefully some pointers.

littleboyblue Fri 25-Sep-09 22:05:02

sunshineandshowers anything's worth a go!
I have been giving the explanations to him of why we don't hit, but thinking about it, not sure why, probably just because although he may not understand the waffle now, he will do one day, the penny will just drop like when he realised what the word no meant iyswim?
So when you say you carry on talking, is this while you are still holding onto his wrist? And how long is it before you let him carry on playing?
I have wondered whether he thinks it's all a game......

thirtypence Fri 25-Sep-09 22:16:35

Have you read any Diane Levy. Her boring cuddle is the most wonderful thing. Basically whenever they get themselves into a state, whether that be upset, angry or that altered state that seems to go with random pushing or hitting you give them a boring cuddle. No talking, no stroking, just a big bear hug. They will squirm, shout etc. You just carry on staring into a middle distance giving a deep pressure hug and nothing else. Once they are truly bored of this you let them go. You may have to immediately do another one if they haven't forgotten they were about to push little Timmy.

I walked away to do my boring cuddles, because to other people it can look like you are being sympathetic to the wrong child.

littleboyblue Fri 25-Sep-09 22:55:47

Sounds interesting thirtypence Might give that a go too.

sunshineandshowers Sat 26-Sep-09 09:24:32

I holg his whilst (trying!) wrist to talk. I do it for 30 seconds to 1 min.

sunshineandshowers Sat 26-Sep-09 09:27:10

sorry, hold his wrist

littleboyblue Sat 26-Sep-09 09:47:35

ok, will give it a go. thankyou.
sorry for lack of capitals, I have a poorly ds1 sitting on me

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