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how do I cope with a very determined/wilful 19mth old....help!!

(11 Posts)
simpson Tue 22-Sep-09 20:36:42

DD 19mths is very strong willed <sigh>

Everything is a battle: nappy changing, going out, coming back in house etc.

Her vocabulary is very good so she demands what she wants for meals most of the time (I don't give in!!) but still does not stop the screaming etc if she does not get her own way.IE wanting crisps for breakast shock

Her new thing is to sit on my lap and throw her head back and catch me full in face <ouch> which she started doing a couple of days ago.

Having said all that she can be an absolute delight and is very funny. She loves dancing, drawing and singing etc.

We are out most of the time so don't think it is boredom that causes her to be like this.

Is this normal? Is anyone else going through this?

Please tell me I am not alone??!!

Allyinoz Wed 23-Sep-09 04:26:57

I don't think you are alone at all. They are all like this to a lesser or greater extent. There is a great book called The Emotional Life of the Toddler. Which talks about what a toddler experiences and feels which may help you understand her temperament.

As much as possible try to channel her exurberance into appropriate ways of expressing herself and give her clear reprimands when she oversteps the mark. Like removing her from your presence when she bangs against you, or put her down and walk away. Tell her you don't like it and why. They honestly understand a lot.

Some practioners believe that if you set clear boundaries at this age, although very hard, it will pay dividends later.

simpson Wed 23-Sep-09 19:40:33

cheers smile

I do think she has one bad day a week where she really tests me then realises mummy is no push over so does not bother again for a few days iyswim then builds up to the next time <sigh>

She was not too bad today so who knows what is going on in her little mind grin

I agree that you have to be quite firm now so they learn boundairies etc but has not seemed to make much difference yet but I guess because ashe is such a good speaker/talker I forget how young she really is sometimes iyswim blush

Innat Wed 23-Sep-09 20:31:32

ah simpson

this sounds like my life too! my dd (just turned 2) good talker and v.v. independent. i hav eexactly the same battles you do prob since about the same age too.

have 3mo ds now which i suspect hasn't helped. i think a lot of it is attention seeking and as you say testing boundaries.

sorry i don't have advice but i feel your pain. one day can be so much fun and then the next an absolute nightmare!

blowbroth Wed 23-Sep-09 20:42:33

When my dd was the same age ,I would keep reminding myself who is in charge and also took comfort from the thought she wouldn't remember this time when she was older. She's 9 now and I do think setting the boundarys back then was the best thing I could have done.
Always at the back of my mind was if I didn't act now it would be so much more difficult to deal with a teenager!

Eyeballls Wed 23-Sep-09 20:45:15

Meet my dd 20 months old and exactly the same as you describe. She is currently throwing a strop because she wants to go out in the garden... hmm But she is also gorgeously funny and clever. It's hard isn't it?

simpson Wed 23-Sep-09 21:03:01

eyeballs - tell me about it grin DD had hissy fit earlier just before bed as she wanted to climb in the laundry basket <sigh>

innat - I do wonder what makes her better some days than others hmm She has older brother who starts school tomorrow so hopefully things will be easier <<prays>>

blowbroth - LOL at thinking about what DD will be like as a teenager grin Heaven help me!!

Thinkstoomuch Wed 23-Sep-09 21:04:46

My 18 month old DS2 is similar (although not as extreme - yet), a good talker but increasingly willful and opinionated. Sometimes it's hard to keep a good temper with him that's for sure. Every time he screams to get something/object to something I've done I'm trying to say "no, don't scream, just tell me what you want". He is starting to respond a bit to this so I'm hoping it'll pay off eventually. But I'm honestly glad he's like this rather than passive and boring like some people's babies!

Innat Wed 23-Sep-09 21:33:05

Simpson, I actually think I have a lot to do with the bad days, being tired and having less patience than usual - trying to do other stuff etc. Also letting her tantrums get to me. on some days i can laugh about htem and just ignore them and they stop really quickly, but other days...well i'm close to the end of my tether.

thinkstoomuch - you're right we should be pleased they are independent - i read in a book last night that children who have lots of tantrums tend to be bright and intelligent! although my cynical side suspects that might just be to make you feel better about it!!

simpson Wed 23-Sep-09 21:38:55

thimkstoomuch - although her tantrums drive me literally up the wall sometimes blush I am glad that she knows what she wants in life iyswim.

Its just a hard lesson to learn when mummy says "no" grin

innat - I do think DD is very bright (I know all parents think this of their Dcs grin) bur her talking amazes me and sometimes I think she is an older child trapped in a toddlers body which won't do what she wants to iyswim grin

astragirl Thu 24-Sep-09 11:34:32

Our 19 month old is the same and has tantrums and crying fits if we don't do what he wants. He doesn't like any of the food we cook him either, and constantly says "no" and "bin" without even trying it. It wears me down a lot as I don't have a lot of patience, but I just grit my teeth and carry on, or if it gets too much I tell him that I have to go in another room for a few minutes to have some quiet time, obviously making sure he's safe before I do this.

He used to be such an angel when he was a little bundle, I miss them days sad.

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