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DS (8) has just told me at bedtime tonight that he has no friends at school...

(8 Posts)
josben Sun 20-Sep-09 22:57:05

DS1 is 8 and he has gone to bed very upset tonight, he has said that he has no friends in his year (year 4) This is the first time that he has said this and has seemed upset about it. I know that he struggles a bit with friendships as he was only invited to one party last year at school - (that really upset me) He does have a couple of good friends, although they seem to be moving on from him...

He hasn't been dx with dyspraxia but his teacher has expressed concerns that he might be - but then his teacher said he wouldn;t refer him as he didn't seem 'bad enough' and he thought it would be the wrong thing to single DS1 out....

i have thought that DS1 has been dyspraxic since year 1, but I just thought it was mild and so haven't pushed the school to do anything. But tonight it broke my heart to hear him say that he has no friends... I'm just not sure how I can help him....?

colditz Sun 20-Sep-09 23:02:00

What about cubs or something? Do you invite kids round for playdates? Can you go all out on the social scene to get your boy to meet some kids his own age?

AFter school clubs are good, because they meet kids from differennt schools.

My heart bleed for your boy though, I was just like that and it's not nice. I hope he settles in soon.

ingles2 Sun 20-Sep-09 23:02:26

Aw... poor chap. Struggling socially is a common trait with dyspraxic children. My son is also 8, yr 4 and is going through the assessment procedure atm.
Another thing with dyspraxics though, is that they can be extremely over emotional and negative. My son says he has no friends quite regularly, but then the following day he'll have forgotten it and be happy about some game he played.
Do you think this might be the case?
What activities does he do outside of school? Is there clubs/cubs/sport nearby that he might enjoy and make more friends?

Hobnobfanatic Sun 20-Sep-09 23:02:52

How heart-breaking. I can imagine how worried you are. I have no practical advice really, but I'd certainly speak to the school first thing tomorrow and ask for help. If your DS is upset, then that needs to be addressed, whether it's pursuing support for his possible dyspraxia or just helping to nurture friendships in the classroom and playground. Good luck - it's at least a good thing that he feels he can share this with you. Shows he clearly loves and trusts you. x

ingles2 Sun 20-Sep-09 23:04:07

I'd ask at school how he seems socially as well... They may be able to making some changes with seating to give him a chance with some new children

josben Sun 20-Sep-09 23:11:27

Thanks for your posts - DS1 does do quite a few extra curricular activities, Cubs, swimming, football, judo and tennis at the moment, and I do try to organise playdates for him.

Sometimes I feel more down about his problems with friends than others - but tonight was the first time he has ever said anything about not having friends. He doesn't like making a fuss if he falls over or anything, he is quite quiet and so it really did break my heart tonight

But ingles - he can be quite negative about his abilties and also he'll say he doesn't want to play with so and so because he doidn't like the games they were playing...

I've looked at the dyspraxia websites and he ticks alot of the boxes, so tommorrow I am goingto speak to his new teachewr and get a referral.

There was a dyspraxia thread a few days ago that i've been trying to find and it was talking about social difficulties...

ingles2 Mon 21-Sep-09 10:24:33

That's exactly what my son says josben smile
here's a link to the thread we were discussing our children on

josben Mon 21-Sep-09 11:14:14

Thanks so much for posting the link to the dyspraxia thread Ingles - I have just read it bawling my eyes out! grin - Icannot believe how many people have a DS/DD with the same problems as us.

Its kind of a relief to know we aren't alone with our DS's problems - infact a lot of the things you describe your son as having - our DS is so similar - he didn't walk until 17 months, can't ride a bike yet, awkward running style, always ravenous, Handwriting is so messy, sports day this year was just painful for him and me... He does play football at school and in a club every week - but he has just started becoming quite unhappy doing it as he says that noone passes to him.

But he has soooo many fantastic qualities too - its just hard not too focus on the more difficult challenges he comes up against. Plus he has a younger brother who is 7 and is confident, good at football, can make lego creations easily and has lots of friends - So its can be hard for DS1 - I really try to bolster up DS1's confidence and praise him for all the things he is good at.

I just feel that something needs to be done for DS1 - so I've asked for the special Ed need teacher to call me today...

Not sure what the first thing they will do it though?

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