Naughty step/supernanny techniques for a 2 year old?

[JamesAndTheGiantBanana]

My 2 yr old pushes the boundaries all the time and I can see this situation getting out of control in the next couple of years if I don't find an effective way to discipline him.

Right now he'll do stuff like stare at us and grin as he's doing something naughty and we're telling him not to. Bog standard toddler stuff I know, but we don't know how best to stop him.

He will carry on the naughty behaviour no matter how much we try to reason with him, speak firmly to him, shout etc. If we remove him from the naughty thing he's doing he'll screech the house down (he also does this to get his own way a lot even though we do our very best to ignore it) try to hit or headbutt us, or have a tantrum.

So we were thinking maybe of doing the naughty step thing. Has anyone done this on a 2yr old with positive results?

[notnowbernard]

Is he just 2 or nearly 3?

[JamesAndTheGiantBanana]

He was 2 last month. You think maybe he's a bit young for it?

[notnowbernard]

At just 2, definitely

But I ain't a fan of the Naughty Step, tbh... never really found it effective and when I did try it a few times with dd1 it was more hassle getting her to stay on it than the original 'misdemeanour'

I think at just 2 he's just started learning to push the boundaries and I tend to try and ignore and/or distract

Very wearing though!

[cory]

tbh he will change so many times in the next few years that there is no reason for the situation to get out of control as long as you don't panic about it: most toddlers are complete little anarchists, most 5yos are not.

I wouldn't insist on the right feelings or the right reaction or the right respect for you at this tender age: just concentrate on making sure you get your way- by picking him up and moving him physically if need be, or by removing things he is not supposed to have, or sticking him in the buggy if he can't walk nicely or whatever

just let him get used to the idea that what mummy wants is what ends up getting done- he can scream and fuss about it, but mummy gets her way

let him grin- as long as your will is done

don't argue, enforce

[puffylovett]

Am not a fan of naughty step. Someone on here said once (when I was undergoing similar issues to you) that it bears no relation to their crime, and lots of kids just sit on the step grinning and playing, so seem to learn nothing from it.

Personally I tell him off (as in No, that's not nice behaviour because...) remove from situation if need be. And just persevere !

DS is quite placid / mild though and I find responds really well to me warning him that if he doesn't do what I want him to do by the time I've counted to 3, I will do it for him. He also responds well to closed choices, ie if I want him to get into bed, he's told he can put himself in or I will put him in - either way he goes to bed but he's in control of how ! H'es 2.5 but we've been doing that for a good 5/6 months

HTH

[Triggles]

DS is just turned 3 and we have just started using a naughty corner (don't have a convenient step LOL) that he sits in (facing into the room, not the corner itself) when in trouble for something. There are times when I feel I'm going loopy returning him to it over and over as he keeps getting up, and other times he just sits down and doesn't fuss about getting up. He would never have understood it at 2yrs. I think the most important thing is just being consistent - initially it will make you one inch short of crazy (or full on crazyy some days), but it eventually generally gets better.

[notnowbernard]

Yes, I like the 'closed choices' thing too

Personally I find 2 year olds a piece-of-piss compared to 3 year olds...

I just think at the 2yr mark they are just much easier to distract, and things 'blow over' a bit quicker. At 3 they go ON AND ON and can use proper speech to whinge/scream/tantrum with

(Can you tell I have a 3yr old atm?)

[cory]

well, notnow, mine are 9 and 13 and I still remember 3 as the hardest age- they've got all the language and none of the maturity

[notnowbernard]

Glad I'm not the only one, Cory

DD1 was hardest at 3 and DD2 is the same!

[craftynclothy]

I agree with Cory: "I wouldn't insist on the right feelings or the right reaction or the right respect for you at this tender age: just concentrate on making sure you get your way- by picking him up and moving him physically if need be, or by removing things he is not supposed to have, or sticking him in the buggy if he can't walk nicely or whatever"

I've tried the naughty step with dd (2.5) but she's very apologetic anyway and will usually sit quite nicely on the step for 2 mins repeatedly saying "I'm sorry. I'm sorry mummy. I not do it again." then do it again as soon as she gets off . I find being firm and consistent (and ignoring the whining/shouting/screeching ) to be most effective.

[puffylovett]

I can see DS getting more difficult actually, he's so quick with language and cheeky at 2.5. We're sort of in that in between stage !

I'm also finding joking him out of tantrums is quite handy, it's now a running joke between us that 'the horror' has appeared when he starts whinging, so we have to go looking for the nice little boy. he thinks it's hilarious and will often come up to me saying 'mummy i'm crryyyying' making a whingy noise, just so I'll joke about with him .

[lou031205]

DD2 has just turned 2, and we use the step. She takes herself there when I tell her to, and generally will sit until I go to her and talk to her. Just lately she grins & says no, but does go. I try not to use it too often, and to be honest I'm not completely convinced that it makes any real impact on her behaviour, but it gives me a little time to cool down when she's pushing it.

[mimsum]

naughty step useless imo/ime - no matter what started the tantrum in the first place the argument then becomes about you wanting them to sit in a particular place, and frankly in a battle of wills with a 2/3 year old, the adult is pretty much bound to lose ....

some children will sit there, but tbh they're the kind of children who don't need a naughty step

for other/most children it's a pretty strange thing to do because it bears no relation to the original offence - things at that age make much more sense if there's a clear consequence of misbehaving

[JamesAndTheGiantBanana]

I'm sure three is worse, I'm just trying to find the way of dealing with this stage. I'm sure that in a year's time I'll be on here tearing my hair out about him as a three yr old and thinking "what was I moaning about last year for????"

Well, to give you an example of what he does: Say if I'm cleaning the kitchen, he will be happily playing with the magnetic numbers on the fridge, then suddenly he'll go nuts and sweep them all off onto the floor. I say "oh dear, what did you do that for? pick them up and put them back on the fridge"

sometimes he'll listen and do it, but more often he'll get angry and start slamming cupboard doors or headbutting my legs. Often he'll run to the oven (which he knows fully well is forbidden, and why) and pull it open.

This all happens in a matter of seconds, it's not like I can drag him away instantly, but I can't ignore him opening the oven or trying to hurt me. I tell him off and he hits me, or the naughty behaviour continues. If I were to shut him out of the kitchen using the stairgate he would have an enormous screaming fit which ends in tears and doesn't calm down til he gets a cuddle.

And how does distraction work in that situation? am I supposed to keep a stash of toys next to the sink ready for when he decides to be naughty while I'm cleaning up? (and no I'm not expecting him to behave for hours while I clean, we're talking a few minutes clean up while dinner is cooking or whatever)

Personally I don't feel that when he's done something deliberately very naughty (like turning on the oven - as opposed to regular toddler naughty behaviour) he deserves fun distraction - surely at this point he needs consequences so he learns a lesson? He's much more of a little boy now than a baby.

Confusing.

[EyeballsWearingAPatch]

DD is not even two and she's a defiant little devil. I used the naughty step for a little while and at first it did the trick. Gave it up when she started taking herself over to it and sitting there merrily singing the Wheels on the Bus

[puffylovett]

I guess my consequence to that behaviour would be to firmly explain that you need to pick up the magnetic numbers, if he doesn't pick them up then you will put them away and he won't play with them again for a few hours ? - then follow through. Our nursery uses a clean up song so I usually would sing that to DS so that he gets the message that he needs to tidy up. And TONS of praise when he does clear up his mess.

If he has a tantrum at being shut out the kitchen, it's unlikely he would stay on a naughty step I should think.

It's so difficult isn't it ! They need to have a consequence !

Maybe if you said to him - you can play with the magnetic numbers but if you make a mess then x will happen - so he has a warning beforehand ?

Or how about getting him involved in the whole cooking / clearing up process, you could have him putting things in the bin / drying up plastic plates / standing on a chair cutting with his knife while you're cooking - so he's being mummys big boy helper ? If you don't already...

I'm not much help am I I think I'm laxer than most everyone else I know

[bubblagirl]

i was told ds was too young to implement time out or naughty step at that age at 2.6 when his understanding was more there i was told to try but he still didnt really understand the reason until nearly 3

i found instead of saying no i would have to move him away from whatever he was doing and with low tone a big no and then distract with something else and praise for playing so well

[meandjoe]

Hi James, we use time out for our ds. We put him in the hall way near the staigate. I don't bother trying to get him to sit on the step as I think he is just to young to sit still and 'think about what he's done' etc. I just use it as a method of calming him down and removing him from both what he was doing and me so I can calm down as much as anything. DS doesn't hit or headbutt (but used to when he was about 15-16 months) but when hedoes something forbidden like touch the oven etc I warn him if he doesn't move away then he'll have to go in the hall way and usually he listens now (after about 3 months of me using this method!).

I think most of what you describe though isn't really naughtiness, it's just usual frustration and toddler stuff so I would distract or ignore for example the magnet thing you describe, i'd just make anohter game out of it or just give him something else to play with. Not really worth making a battle over. I only use timeout if I think ds really has done something that could hurt him or others or if he deliberately keeps doing something I have warned him not to do.

I don't even bother shouting at him cos it just entices a tantrum and he shouts back understandably. I just calmly explain to him 'stop or timeout' and try to keep the explanations short and to the point otherwise you end up just getting ignored as he won't understand while he is so young. But I totally agree with your comment about there needing to be consequences for bad behaviour dispite being young, I think a lo of it is just deciding what really is 'bad behaviour' and what is just exploring and playing, picking you battles!

I agree with suggestions of letting him help you cook or tidy away, I have an whole cupboard with totally toddler proof stuff like tupperware, a picnic basket, plastic spoons and plates etc for him to 'help' put away! He also likes cutting stuff with a plastic knife and helping me mix things, messy sometimes but fun.

A lot of it is just waiting for them to grow out of it though, sorry not really much help at all after all that!