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Unwanted behaviour

(10 Posts)
Bensmum76 Fri 18-Sep-09 17:09:46

Hi all,
I;m quite new to mumsnet and was wondering if anyone has any tips for stopping unwanted behaviour in an almost two year old. My son is spitting (blowing raspberries), throwing things and generally being a nightmare! He's not like this all the time and can be an absolute angel. Getting him out of the house is taking up to 20 minutes and he doesn't seem to want to do anything I ask at the moment. My Dh seems to think I am trying to treat my son like an older child in the way I speak to him and try to explain why we have to do something.
Can anyone help?

colditz Fri 18-Sep-09 17:14:32

I think your husband is right. the chances of your son understanding more than one word in five of an explanation are slim-to-none!

IneedacleanerIamalazyslattern Fri 18-Sep-09 17:26:31

I kind of agree with your dh, at that age they need a short answer to the point.
I honestly was spoilt with dd and though I had it sorted until my ds came along he's 3.5 now and I still struggle a lot of the time.
One thing I had to do with ds that I never ever did with dd was just give him no choice we are geting our jackets on, we are going out and you are going in the buggy.
And god believe me I was often the mum pushing a screaming toddler along the road on many occasions but with him it was the only way I could do it.
With dd I could show weakness lol and back down with ds if I give even a little bit he sees it and will play me but he now knows there are some things that won't be compromised on and he generally goes along but it needs to be short, (sometimes sharp) and to the point.

Bensmum76 Fri 18-Sep-09 17:30:19

Thanx, I can see both of your points and do think that sometimes I am talking away to my ds thinking he can comprehend what Im saying and all he can hear is 'blah, blah, shoes, blah, blah, coat'!!
I have tried saying' you can walk downstairs to get your shoes on or mummy can carry you' and sometimes that works. But not always!!
I will try not giving him a choice and just saying 'we're going to put our shoes on now' etc and see how that goes.
As for the raspberries (which drive me bonkers!) do you think ignoring is the best way to handle it? I've said to my DH that we need to try one method for at least two weeks as we seem to be changing from telling him no to completely ignoring it!

IneedacleanerIamalazyslattern Fri 18-Sep-09 17:45:00

Raspberries ignore completely.
Don't want to worry you but 2 weeks might not always be enough.
You need to be consistent one way or another.
Choices are fine this or this but sometimes when they are that small it can be too much for them.
I am despite my harder stance on ds, one for choosing my battles.
Things like shoes on and out the door I am consistent with there are no options because if we're going out we need to be somewhere but other things that I don't care either way about I do give a choice or give free choice.
Like ds now does get his shoes when asked because he now knows it's a no compromise one but i'm not overly fussed what shoes he brings. Little things that matter not he (and dd) generally have free choice over because I know the battle to get what I want is soooo not worth it.

colditz Fri 18-Sep-09 17:46:57

'you can walk downstairs to get your shoes on or mummy can carry you'

Too long. Way way way too lontg.

"Walk or carry?" is the way forward until they are demonstrating complex language skills.

Worse case scenario - your son will learn he never understands a word you say and tunes you out indefinitely.

Bensmum76 Fri 18-Sep-09 17:50:20

Thanx again. I think you've hit the nail on the head when you mentioned picking your battles. I can be extremely controlling and pick at silly things and have often said to my DH if only I could fast forward 10 minutes past an event that has caused a problem and think what I am thinking then (if you know what I mean???). Once the 'battle' is over I feel quite silly and often wish I'd handle it in a different way and can see that the battle was not worth it!
I also agree with you saying that choices are too much at this age, and that I should maybe just not give a choice and say we are doing such and such now, so its clear to my DS. x

Bensmum76 Fri 18-Sep-09 17:51:25

Thanx Colditz. Being ignored completely would be my absolute worst nightmare!

IneedacleanerIamalazyslattern Fri 18-Sep-09 18:01:33

Walk or carry definately a better option ds like I said 3 and still use things that short.
Still give some choices but only the little things that you really aren't going to sweat over.
I know exactly what you mean about fast forwarding I have done that myself.
One of the things that made me see how important it was to choose my battles was the kids dad.
He would (and probably still does to a point) battle it out with the dc's over every little thing and I could see how futile it was.
I am a bit of a control freak a lot of the time but for some reason was a bit more go with the flow with the children when they came along.

One of the things I also think that forced my hand a bit with realiseing I had to say to ds this is it and it is happening is I have an older dd that I needed to get out to school every morning and collect so I didn't have the option of taking 20 minutes to get out the door, we had to be somewhere and we were going.

One thing I said to a friend once struggling with similar was that when it comes to your childrens safety it is a non negotiable you will make sure certain things do/don't happen so apply the same consistency and strength to other things you need to happen.

Bensmum76 Fri 18-Sep-09 18:25:35

Thanx loads. What great advice, and always nice to know I'm not the only one going through tricky times!
My DS goes to nursery twice a week so is getting used to having to be somewhere by a certain time. I try to make the other mornings more relaxed so he can start to understand the difference though.

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