socks are ruining every morning!!!!!!!! Help!!!!

[traceface]

OK so my dd1 is just over 5yrs and is in year 1 at school. She cannot/ will not put her own socks on. She will (with a lot of persuasion and patience from me and dh) put on her pants, shirt, tunic, cardigan, but not her socks. She claims it's too hard and will roll around on the floor like a toddler, crying because she doesn't know how to do it. Every morning turns into a battle field over socks . I know she can do it because she has done it in the past and I am certain that if I offered her a chocolate button she would do it in a flash, but I don't want to start bribing her to get dressed! Last week after 30 minutes of her being silly about socks I took her to school with no socks on and put her socks in her bag for if she decided to change her mind. I thought she'd feel embarrassed in front of her friends and want them on. No. At the end of the day she still had bare feet (and shoes of course!) and said it was really comfy without socks. So, so I put her socks on for her everyday to save us the agro, or do I refuse and spend every morning with her crying and me despairing? I have to get to work and get dd2 to nursery too, so I can't spend all my time debating socks. I know it sounds hilarious and rather trivial, but actually it is getting me down. Please help!
Thank you

[allaboutme]

not trying to be awkward, but could you just let her wear bare feet and shoes?
If the school doesnt mind and she says it is more comfy then why not?

[WowOoo]

Have you shown her how to put them on? Again and again?
I'd do it together. Make it a competition. Buy her some new ones that she likes.

[traceface]

Wow that was a quick reply! Thank you! Yes why not? I guess I could do that. Is that bad? It's getting into winter though...or maybe wet snowy feet would help her see that socks would be a good idea?

[WowOoo]

I would think she needs to wear them too. Sweaty feet in summer or cold toes in winter. New shoes will rub like hell without socks too.

[juuule]

I'd just put them on for her.

Not a big deal. Certainly not worth 30mins messing around.

[seeker]

Pick your battles. If she doesn't want to wear socks - then don't make her.

[seeker]

Or put them on for her. Who wins if there's a huge stressful fuss? No one!

[allaboutme]

of course if its not comfortablke for her then you put then on for her, but if she says its comfy without and prefers not to wear them I'd let her.
i often let ds go without socks, he hates the things.

[traceface]

yes we've shown her a gazillion times! She wanted ankle socks so we got some, then she wanted different ones so we bought those, then she wanted long grey ones, so we got those...and nothing is right. She doesn't like the feel of the seam bit on her toes. To keep the peace I would be happy to put them on her, but am I teaching her to be lazy when a lot of her friends do it themselves? Or am I thinking about this too much?!

[juuule]

You are thinking about it too much.

Just put them on her. She'll grow out of it.

[Bramshott]

My DD (6.5, Yr 2) is very tired at the moment and I am mostly getting her dressed in the mornings. Yes, I know she can do it herself, but she's tired, and we're in a hurry, and it's just easier for me to do it !

[aendr]

Maybe she wants the comfort of mummy doing something for her, especially with being in big school now. It's small and quick and eventually she'll do it for herself. I suggest you just go with the flow for a bit and see. Also look at what's happening with socks at weekends and after swimming? When you've got time, especially at weekends, make it a game or competition to encourage her to do it herself when there's no going to school stress.
(I had a sock "thing" when I was little, had to wear them inside out because the ridges felt funny against my toes. Mother just let me get on with it and I grew out of it.)

[seeker]

If she doesn't like the seam bit let her wear them inside out. My brother was like this - I think quite a lot of children are.

For what it's worth, sometimes if he's very tired, my 8 year old likes me to help him dress!! No harm in a bit of babying, IMHO.

[traceface]

thank you. You know I think I maybe needed to have 'permission' to do it for her. I often feel like I 'should' do something a certain way because that's the proper way to parent her, but you have helped me see that it's ok to do it for her and I won't get sent to bad mummy prison. I think it's wise advice to pick your battles. Thanks

[cory]

agree that a little bit of babying, in one small area of life, does no harm

it doesn't mean that she will expect you to be tucking her in when she is 45 and a managing director

it's only if you baby a child consistently, in every area of life, that you are likely to do her any harm

I think it is too easy to get stressed out by looking at other children and what they can do- for some reason, we never seem to notice the things that our children can do and theirs can't

I would put those socks on

[Buda]

I would put them on too. She is still only little. I would extract payment though! DS sometimes asks me to help with something that I know he can do and I always say I will only do it if I get a really big cuddle - that's my price. So now that he is 8 I know that if he asks me to put his shoes or socks on it means he wants a bit of help and a cuddle.

We had the issues with the seams too. Never thought to put them on inside out. What a good idea!

[morningpaper]

I would say that I'll do it for her once she's got everything else on

[ElenorRigby]

2yo DD can put her own socks on, I think your DD may be messing about to delay getting out the door.

[Tortington]

take her without socks and tell the teacher.

its mean - but sometimes you have to just screw the chocolate buttons and star charts.

peer pressure is mahooooosive

[ChopsTheDuck]

I have a similar battle with dd who is 9 and wont do her hair. It drives me nuts, because I know she should be able to do it, and because she has babyish tantrums over it.

I ended up making a deal with her. I would do her hair and she had to do an extra job for me. I have enough to do in the mornings, so if she wants extra help, she earns it! (She now loads up all the school bags into the car).

[Tortington]

wont do her hair at 9 years old?

ds started to grow his haair long a couple of years ago and if he didn't wash it he didn't

he must have got some shit at school becuase all of a sudden he started washing it.

you aren't doing them any favours. i think a girl should be able to do her own hair at 9 without a tantrum ( sorry to be blunt)

[kreecherlivesupstairs]

While I agree with you on one hand Custardo, on the (let me help you for a quiet peaceful start to the day) other hand, I do tend to sort of dd's for her. It is very fine and knotty and she gets into a bit of a pickle with it. I have once cut a load off in a fit of anger, but the devastation it caused wasn't worth it. I am wondering what's going to happen next week while she's away on her trip.

[juuule]

Custardo - op ssya that she tried the taking to school with no socks - her dd wasn't bothered and was quite happy with that.

While some people might think that a girl of 9 should be able to do their own hair without a tantrum, the reality is that some are not. But they usually grow out of it. My 9yo is just starting to try to do her own hair. Mostly because she can't be bothered waiting around for me any more. Which, we have found, as they get older is a big incentive for them to do all kinds of things themselves - they want to get on with doing other things so don't want to wait for you to do stuff for them.

[Tortington]

yes i read that, thank you for pointing it out, which is why i suggested telling the teacher. perhaps if it isn't an issue with school ( which IME is unlikely) then it's a non issue altogether. if the school aren't bothered, dd isn't bothered then don't let this be an issue for you.

obviously regarding the hair, we all post from our different experiences.

i have v. long hair. as a child i brished beore bed and toed into pony to save knots in the morning.

dd had v. curly hair which needed careful brushing and wetting. SO perhaps i should have prefixed my post with what i thought was implicit ( ie. that we speak for experience) with IME, a girl of 9 should be able to brush her own hair. however if it requires a plait, then i understand that mum might be involved.