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Is it normal for a 2 year old to be so negative??????????

(26 Posts)
babydan Tue 15-Sep-09 20:19:46

Hi not really posted here before but felt I had to ask advice.

DS is just2 and his language and development seems pretty normal but I am not over exaggerating when I say this.... every other word is NO!!!!

Is it normal for him to disagree with every little thing??

Today we went into Morrisons shopping, all we heard was 'no no not in big shop no no no' all the way round, almost ended with him having a tantrum and in tears.

Everything seems to be the same. Eg, 'it's time for dinner in a few mintes are you ready?'.....'no no not want dinner'.

Do you want your toast 'no no no' more tears.

Time to go home from park 'no in the park, in the park in the park' all the way home.

Sometimes it seems there is no point in doing anything nice with him cos I know it will end in a tantrum and whinging when it inevitable ends and we go home.

He wants everything he sees, had a tantrum earlier cos I put the butter back in the fridge instead of let him poke about in it hmm

Also when he wants something he just says it over and over and over sometimes non stop for 15 monutes til he disolves into tears when he can't have it.

There is no getting through to him when he's like that, no reasoning, bargaining, distracting. He wants what he wants and it's relentless.

Please tell me this is normal!!!

MyCatIsABiggerBastardThanYours Tue 15-Sep-09 20:23:17

Sounds pretty normal to me tbh. I think at around 2 they discover they can sort of manipulate the world around them but don't know how to do this reasonably. Also, they hear the word no a lot at this age so they use that.

The only answer if distraction isn't working is ignoring. It is bloody hard but it can work really well.

I also found DD was worse when she was tired. Is he getting enough sleep?

mazzystartled Tue 15-Sep-09 20:24:37


that's 2 year olds

dd said "no, not" to everything I asked her for about 3 months.

you have to just ignore the tantrums, let it wash over you and wait for the next, vaguely less horrific phase to start

IrrationalMother Tue 15-Sep-09 20:32:01

Oh yes - mine says "no" to everything too. Yesterday I asked if he wanted a chocolate button - he said "no Mummy, no" thought about it for a few seconds and then said "have button". Apparently just saying "yes" would actually have killed him!

I have found that pre-emptive distraction and bribery is the only way to survive without constant rebellion, and even that is pretty hit and miss!

babydan Tue 15-Sep-09 20:34:31

Well he sleeps 12 hours at night and has an hour nap in afternoon so I think he's OK sleep wise.

He is just a miserable boy a lot of the time no matter what we do.

It's very hard when friends wan to talk to him or give him a cuddle and he just runs off or shouts NO! I seem to be making excuses for him all the time.

He is adorable but just so frustrating but I guess that's just 2 year olds.

He seems to have been like it from the moment he could talk really so not even sure if it's just a phase sad.

He needs to be constantly stimulated and distracted from things he shouldn't have so going anywhere with him usually ends in tears.

Seems to be very emotional a lot of the time for nothing.

He is very loving and affectionate when it's on his terms.

He doesn't seem to like being faffed about with so putting ahoes on or anything like that is just awful.

He also seems worse when there are other people around.

On my own with him or when dh has him he's bearable but if we are both there he just seems to need constant attention from us both and is constantly on the brink of a tantrum.

It's a bit like walking on egg shells. He is so active and almost hyper but does have good concentration when something interests him. Also goes to sleep very easily at night so I don't think there's anything 'wrong' necessarily, he's just knackering!

MyCatIsABiggerBastardThanYours Tue 15-Sep-09 20:45:24

My DD was very very full on at that age (and didn't nap after 15mths), I just cried constantly from the frustration of it all. Like you going anywhere was a bloody nightmare and I dreaded what was going to make her tantrum next. I did find that keeping her blood sugar levels up helped

It felt like I was being bullied by a 2yr old. I'm not sure how you feel about books but I found Toddler Taming a really useful book to read with lots of tips and reassuring messages in it. MIght be worth a try.

Does he go to nursery?

blithedance Tue 15-Sep-09 20:45:34

"does have good concentration when something interests him"

Mine were like that. Usually the "something" was painting the bathroom floor with toothpaste or digging soil out of all the pot plants. It's the only age when quiet is usually bad news grin

He sounds completely typical of a 2 year old to me. Have you read "Toddler Taming" by Christopher Green? It does help you understand the developmental stage and see the funny side too.

babydan Tue 15-Sep-09 21:11:09

He doesn't go to nursery no but I am looking into it as I am desperate to go back to work which sounds horrid but I am exhausted!

Totally agree with the toothpaste and digging soil out the plants??! You have my son!!! Exactly the same thing here.

Haven't read that book but thank you for the recommendation I will buy it off amazon if it's available.

Reassuring to know that it seems to be within the 'normal' limits. He is lovely and seems fairly clever. Today he told me that 'when it rains and it's sunny there's a rainbow!'

I was very impressed.... just such a shame that immediately after stunning me with that he had a huge tantrum for not being able to go out in the garden. He changes from angel to demon in 0.5 seconds!

Will deffinitely read toddler taming!

babydan Tue 15-Sep-09 21:13:30

MyCat (love your name!) can I ask if or when dd grew out of it??!

MyCatIsABiggerBastardThanYours Tue 15-Sep-09 21:37:16

babydan - she's coming up to 4 now and is a lot better. She grew out of the toddler tantrums at around 2yrs 10mths ish. We then had quite a nice few months (around 6) til the next lovely stage (the threenager!). It does all get a lot easier though as time goes on. I promise. And I can recommend Toddler Taming v highly.

Like you I found the change from happy to horrible pretty tough to deal with. It was around 2 I decided to get tough. I had been a bit precious first born (OK , a lot) with her and tbh it was doing noone any good. I found that once I had rules set in my mind that I began to feel more confident in my decisions and found it easier to deal with situatons when out and about (started to ignore other people and get on with things how I wanted to).

AcrylicAfternoons Tue 15-Sep-09 21:51:59

DDs favourite phrases at the moment are

"No not"

"No can't"


"No won't"

She even interrupts conversations between me and DH, like today in the car when I was giving DH directions:

Me "it's your next left"

DD from back seat "NO it not. It right!"

Me ignoring DD "and then left again"

Dd "No it NOT! IT NOT! IT right. IT RIGHT!

AcrylicAfternoons Tue 15-Sep-09 21:55:34

And then I said "You're being a right Contrary Mary today aren't you?"


RedLentil Tue 15-Sep-09 22:01:07

DD1 was three in June. She has suddenly started being nice to me. She likes me, she likes my hair, she likes my cooking.

Frankly I'm freaked by it. It has been a wall of negative for about 12 months and the niceness is un-nerving.

It will pass. A tip I struggle with but which works is to only say no yourself when you have to ...

This will pass ...

thesecondcoming Tue 15-Sep-09 22:01:13

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ozziegirly Wed 16-Sep-09 04:06:11

My mum read some bits from her diary from when I was 2. I sounded lovely hmm

Such entries as:

"V had tantrum because I wouldn't let her tear a letter".

"V had tantrum because soap was on wrong side of bath".

"V had tantrum because I wouldn't let her break a necklace".

"Tantrum because I wouldn't tell her what Ï had bought her as a surprise. Further tantrum when I told her".

I am normal now and don't even have a particularly feisty temper.

babydan Wed 16-Sep-09 07:31:50

phew thank God I am not the only one! Mycat thank you that does give me hope! I am sure it will get better but for the past 9 months it just seems to have been horrific.

Ozziegirl my diary sounds a lo like your mum's sad pleased you turned out OK though haha.

I am sure it's all normal but he is just so difficult to be around sometimes and I find that even when he's being good I know how easy he tips so I am on edge waiting for the next flare up all the time which obviously is not helping.

Just a case of waiting it out I think thanks everyone.

thesecondcoming Wed 16-Sep-09 08:52:05

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hippomother Wed 16-Sep-09 08:59:23

I'm glad that it seems normal. My son has turned into the most contrary thing ever. A typical morning comversation goes like this:
DS: hello Mummy. Time to get up.
Me: Yes it is blah blah blah
DS: I get dressed now.
Me: Yes please, come on then.
DS: NO! I want to go to sleep.
Me: ok then ,come on back to bed.
DS: No! I want to get dressed.
Me: Ok then, let's get you dressed.
DS: NO! I want to go back to sleep.
ME: ok then, let's get you back to bed.
DS: NO! I want to get dressed.

You get the idea.

RedLentil Wed 16-Sep-09 13:09:51

Hippo - Ds did this.
I took as much choice out of stuff as possible so he didn't have options when things had to be done. I used to announce 'We're not playing 'I want, I don't want''. And he got the hang of that.

I also used to give him choice on little things whenever possible. So, putting shoes on is non-negotiable, but the toddler can decide which foot first.

hippomother Wed 16-Sep-09 14:28:19

Good advice, thanks RedLentil. He's bloody hard work at the moment. I do look forward to bedtime grin

Joeymac Wed 16-Sep-09 20:57:41

Mine was awful especially around 2.4 - so grumpy and negative and I was embarrassed of him at points. He seemed to be like this more in public as he sensed it probably touched a nerve with me. Everything was very negative and we'd have about 4 major tantrums a day. It's so wearing and there were some days when I honestly didn't like him although I still loved him of course.

He's just turned three and all I keep saying to everyone now is what a wee star he is. Family have also been saying how he's turned such a corner into a happy little boy. He's just fab - all the negativity and alot of the tantruming gone. His chat is great and he's so much more reasonable. Try and hold on to the hope that you honestly will come through it.

thirtypence Wed 16-Sep-09 21:05:56

Don't ask any yes or no questions. Just present things that you want as commands.

"Time to go now."

Don't faff yourself. Make sure you are completely ready before you say something is going to happen. (dh is terrible for this)

talk about the next 3 things;

Now we will take off your clothes, have a bath and put on your pyjamas.

When in the bath, "soon we will put on your pyjamas, have a story and go to bed."

When in bed "night night and we will do fun things in the morning."

Then any "No"s aren't directed at any one thing you said.

Give a choice of two

"red or blue top"

Remember that you can be a cracked record yourself. "red or blue top - that's your choice."

MyCatIsABiggerBastardThanYours Wed 16-Sep-09 21:24:39

I used the choice of two as well, that worked pretty well in fact. I'll try the next 3 things with DS when he gets to that age (if I remember).

babydan Wed 16-Sep-09 22:43:25

Oh god if I offer two things I just get 'NO NO NO NO neither'

I think sometimes it's just a case of saying right dan this is going to happen, we are going to such and such and you are going to put your shoes on.

Really think I just need to ignore his protests and not get bogged down by it all. It's very very wearing though.

He just seems so much worse around other people too even dh who I know he is an angel for when they are alone.

But maybe tha't cos he's not centre of attention and he also knows it bothers me more. God knows.... can't work him out sometimes. Just hope it's normal and he's not just unhappy.

MermaidSpam Wed 16-Sep-09 22:53:39

Oh you just brought back some memories smile

My DD couldn't pronounce her name so called herself Betty(!) For a period of about 6 months she was known to everyone in the family as "Betty no no"! I was just telling her about this a couple of weeks ago. It would be every other word - When she was making "yummy" noises when eating something "Is that nice DD?" "NO!", "Look DD, an aeroplane/duck/hedgehog/etc" "NO!"

Please don't think of him as negative, it gets quite funny after a while!

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