Child Psychologist??(7 Posts)
Have name changed for this one.
DD (aged 6) has always been what one would call a spirited child. She is bright and sociable.
However, we are increasingly concerned about her behaviour/atitude.
She doesn't listen, she can be quite rude to me and dh (name calling - idiot, shut-up, etc) - so nothing really nasty, but unacceptable imo. She can be affectionate, but can also lash out and become frustrated.
This is particularly the case when she does something wrong - say homework.
This evening our neighbour's daughter was around here as she often is (she is 12). I was out at the time, but when I got home, dh told me that dd had attacked this girl - pinching and pulling her to get her off her computer. Dh apologised to J and sent her home; dd refused to apologise or apparently just shouted it.
We are worried that she has no close friends at school although she seems happy to go to school.
Dh is talking about child psychologists. I have no idea. Is her behaviour totally out of line that we need a CP?
I am really confused.
Sorry to hear you are having problems with DD.
How is she getting on at school both academically and socially. Have the school noticed anything?
You say she doesn't have any close friends. Does she have anyone back for tea and how is she with sharing. Are there traits that have been there from when she was young?
I'm not an expert, but it sounds from what you are describing that she is very frustrated or is wanting attention and any attention, to her, is good attention.
What do you do when she behaves like this? HHow do you discipline her?
She has had 1 or 2 children back and it goes ok to a point. She is highly competitive, so for example I thought making cakes would be a good idea; exactly the same packet etc etc. Except she would want to do everything first, ie "I have finished icing my cakes first" (said in a na na nana way iyswim) and I am sure the children find this irritating.
At school she seems fine in terms of educationally; 2nd set for literacy and maths. Not sure about friends; she seems to be steering away from the girls this term.
Re disciplining. She gets a warning and then sent to her room next time around. She is told to think about her actions and asked to come down when she is ready to say sorry. With regards to rewarding, she earns stars which translate in to pocket money.
I would first have a word with the teacher to see if she has noticed anything. If she is very competitive at school this may cause noticeable problems.
From what you have described you would not get a referal to a CP via CAHMS (child and adolescent mental health) and as I understand the school are not talking about a SENCO referal either? So this would mean going private. If you feel you want profesional help you are entirely entitled to do this. The BPS has on its website here a 'find a psychologist' service, try and narrow it down to someone with a specialism in family therapy if you can (or at the very least child specialism). Can I suggest first though- it's a standard way of looking at these issues and would probably be the first thing that a CP would do anyway? (feel free to ignore). Tbh though it sounds like the consequesnces for her behaviour are simply not ones that she is reposnding to. You need to think/find of something that really matters to her (ie not going to her room as this is having no effect). I'm not sure what this might be- a favourite activity or toy that will be taken away, telly or reading time? and then put in a new set of boundaries. You need to pick 4-5 things that are absolutley not acceptable- for these there will be an instant consequence removign from the room/situation and then the agreed consequence, this comes with *no warning* becasue it it totlay unaceptable ( eg you might choose no kicking biting pushing/ , no name calling as your totaly uaceptable list). you neen to respond every time she does one of the forbidden things, instantly and firmly with the agreed consequence. EG you called daddy stupid so that means no swimming this week (or whatever you have put in place). Don't negoitate and don't back down ever. If she scream whinges protests ignore. The for other less agreeable things she can get a warning, you ask once nicely, once in a firm strong voice reminding dd of the possible consequence and then you use the consequence on the third time. You need to explain these new rules first and then stick with it for three weeks- if you don't see a change get back to me with
I talked to dd again on the way to school and she has told me no-one wants to play with her She says the children play games that she finds baby-ish so she just sits on the side. I suggested she tries to join in as it is better than being alone, however she just stuck her fingers in her ears (as she does a lot when we are trying to reason with her/give her advice)
I am going to speak to her teacher asap.
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