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Finding baby 2 so much harder

(6 Posts)
spanna74 Mon 14-Sep-09 10:13:58

I had my second daughter 10 weeks ago and am finding things a million times tougher than first time round.

It is not uncommon for her to wake 3 or 4 times a night, last night was 11:30, 2, 4 and 5:30. She is exclusively BF at the moment and won't take a bottle so I can't even have OH give her a bottle of EBM. I know that the night waking doesn't last forever and that she is still very young but I am absoultely shattered and this is impacting how I am with my other daughter.

I also don't feel like she is a very contented baby and feel like she spends most of the day crying.

I feel like I am struggling to bond with her in the same way as I did with my elder daughter who is now 2 and a half and it makes me feel sad as I don't feel like I have enjoyed any of the early days with her so far and have screamed at her to stop crying on several occasions. I feel guilty about this as have a close friend who has had her first baby who is disabled and she just gets on with things and never complains and I have a close friend who is having fertility treatment and so I am very lucky to have 2 healthy girls.

Very sorry for the moan but needed to get this off my chest.

FlamingoBingo Mon 14-Sep-09 10:17:28

You're not alone - many, many mums say that number 2 was the very hardest!

Can you get your baby in bed with you so you get more rest in the night, and a good sling so you can keep her happy and spend time with your DD1 at the same time?

Enlist the help of friends and family - don't be too proud to ask for help.

You will bond with your youngest, but life is very, very tough with a toddler and a newborn (trust me, I know - I've done it three times now!) and I found my first year with two the hardest year of my life. DD2 is fab now, though, and she and I have a very close bond.

mumofeve Mon 14-Sep-09 11:13:05

Don't beat yourself up about feeling down and fed up. I'm sure everyone does at some point (I have many times over the past 6 months, since my DC2 was born). I do think it can be hard to bond with the new baby when you are so used to focussing on DC1. Whilst I certainly loved DC2 when he was born, I don't think I bonded with him properly until he was about 7 weeks, as before that time it just seemed like I was spending all my time dealing with DD and keeping the two of them apart as I was paranoid that DD would hurt him by accident as she wanted to play with all the time. My DCs are the other way round to yours, in that DC1 is very feisty and v. hard work, whereas DC2 is very chilled. I think it can be hard either way, but it will get better. I am already starting to see light at the end of the tunnel. DS is now nearly 6months and a bit less 'breakable' now so he and DD play a bit together now which is great!
I think the main thing is to get through the next few hard weeks however you can. I used a sling, got a bit less precious about how often cbeebies was on, got a LOAD of sticker books for DD that she could do whilst I was feeding DS. I also go on long walks to the swings so DC2 falls asleep in pushchair and DC1 gets worn out. And I find it better to do activities with them together (for example, I sing songs to them both at the same time, I read them books together, encourage DD to sing to DS), so then when DS goes to sleep, I don't feel too bad leaving DD to get on with things or watch some TV whilst I have 2 mins peace!
Good luck - and at least the good thing with your second child is that you have already learnt that no phase lasts forever.

roseability Mon 14-Sep-09 13:12:27

I have a DS aged 3 and a DD 13 weeks

I am soooo tired! It is really tough so don't be hard on yourself.

My DD also wakes several times a night and is BF. She is a bit more chilled than my DS was but she doesn't sleep any better!

I had many emotional rollercosters at the start. At first I felt sad at the loss of when it was just my DS and me. Then I felt irritable with DS because he was playing up and DD at that point was very easy. My hormones and emotions were all over the place.

I used a sling a lot and did co sleep ocassionally. I also called on help and was less proud than when DS was born!

I am a few weeks down the line from you but it is getting easier in that my DD will now sit in her bouncy chair and watch DS or listen to music. She is just starting to be able to settle herself to sleep sometimes and does go dwon in the evenings so that I can have a glass of wine and chill!

Hang in there and keep posting! It will get easier

herbgarden Mon 14-Sep-09 16:33:54

DD is 7 months now and DS 3 and a bit. 10 weeks is a pretty tough time though - you're past the honeymooon phase and well entrenched into the night wakings/knackered cycle.....seriously though you will wake up one day soon and think - ok I can do this 2 child thing. I spent a lot of time feeling guilty at no 1 being clearly a bit sensitive about it all, shouting at DH as I was tired and generally feeling like none of us were happy (and no 2 for me was a chilled out baby who generally was quite easy and still is - good job as my DS is pretty highly strung and demanding) - so please hang on in there. I didn't bf so am no expert on getting the bottle thing going if you want to but it sounds like you're maybe needing a bit of a break from it all - sometimes getting a break even for an afternoon helps you see the wood for the trees a bit better. Even a couple of hours kip whilst family/friends watch/occupy the kids might do you good (although I sometimes find that lots of sleep after none makes me feel worse )- sorry I've not been much help but you have my sympathy !!.....

mum2zak Fri 25-Sep-09 00:14:11

this is my first time on mumsnet and just found this post and its like reading my own life at the moment. i have ds1 who is 2 1/2 and ds2 who is 5 months. although things have slightly improved from the first few weeks i am still cracking up a lot, like yours my ds2 constantly cries or moans, i co-sleep to get better sleep but now he is teething and i feel im back to square 1. i have no where near the bondwith him that i have with my ds1 who is the absolute world to me but i know this is awful to say but its such a relief when someone takes ds2 for a couple of hours and i dont miss him in the slightest in fact i dread him coming back. its almost like i resent him. and like you have screamed at him to be quiet something i never did with ds1. sorry i dont have any advice for you but just wanted to say that your not the only one feeling like that. its a real relief to read from others that things do get better when they get older.

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