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6 yo dd - threatened to kill herself tonight if I didn't let her have her own way

(12 Posts)
plonker Sun 13-Sep-09 21:15:00

...please tell me this is normal because I didn't know how to respond and it really shocked me sad

Her behaviour is quite poor at the moment anyway and we're trying to be consistent and follow through with consequences. She really is pushing the boundaries, but I've been told that it's a normal 6yo phase??

Anyway, she had misbehaved at bathtime (spat on her sister in the bath) and I had told her to go downstairs whilst her sister finished her bath in peace.
She refused to go.
I gave her a warning that she must go down now, or would have to go to bed immediately following her bath.
She refused to budge.
Obviously the consequence followed and I told her she must go straight to bed after her bath.

OMG the kick-off that ensued was crazy!

She threw herself around, smacked, punched and kicked me, threw her toys/anything she could find around and finally said "if you don't let me back downstairs I'll kill myself"

I'm so gutted sad

I'm hoping that it was said for dramatic effect - this is not something that a 6yo says, is it?!

Please tell me this is normal. What a worrying thing to say sad

Spidermama Sun 13-Sep-09 21:22:49

Six year olds, and other year olds actually, can be very dramatic.
My DS says DH is the worst dad in the world and he';s going to phone childline etc if he's not allowed to watch a certain TV prog for example.

I would be more annoyed about the kicking and punching of you. That's unnacceptable.

You did really well for following through. I'm sorry you've had such a traumatic time. Make sure you tell her how sad you felt because of this.

screamingskull Sun 13-Sep-09 21:23:04

I remember my nephew said this when he was not getting his own way a few years ago (can't remember what it was about now).

Must admit it was shocking at the time to hear him say this and i was really quite up-set about it.

Can't ever recall him saying it again but he would have been about 5 - 6 at the time.

Think it may be an age thing but it is still horrid to hear.

Hope you are feeling a bit better now.

Spidermama Sun 13-Sep-09 21:24:05

Also my DD says she's leaving home sometimes for very minor things. It's very hurtful isn't it? I think they are saying the worst thing they can possibly think of for maximum effect.

Overmydeadbody Sun 13-Sep-09 21:30:37

She's doing it for effect.

Don't react. Just folloew through.

Sounds like you did the right thing.

plonker Sun 13-Sep-09 21:35:22

Thanks for reassurance. I didn't know what to say. Was gutted.

Her behavious is just awful at the moment and is getting worse <sigh>

It seems like we're always sad at each other lately sad

busybutterfly Sun 13-Sep-09 22:46:49

Think I'd be really worried at the physical attacks on you too, that's totally unacceptable.
Stay strong!

kreecherlivesupstairs Mon 14-Sep-09 07:19:02

Sounds familiar. My 8.4 dd is threatening all sorts of violence to me, stabbing me with scissors, kicking me in the chest so my heart stops etc. I think she hears this sort of thing on the school bus, Sportacus certainly never advocates violence against Robbie Rotten. I have spoken to her about it once she comes out of her room and she says she can't help it. I think she is growing which dh and I have noticed considerably impairs her ability to be rational and calm.
FWIW, she's never followed her threats through and generally within about 10 minutes she's back to the loving little girl that she is.
You did the right thing following the action with a consequence and consistency is the key.

Blackduck Mon 14-Sep-09 08:21:48

Away at a festival and DS stood in the middle of the track (unlikely that any cars were going to come) and said he was going to stand there and let himself be run over.......all because I wouldn't cook him an egg!

Stephief Mon 14-Sep-09 13:41:54

My advice is, dont look shocked by it!

My son, last year when he was about 5, was sent to his room for something he did (I cant even remember what now) and he told me if I made him stay up there he would jump out of the window and die and it would be my fault. Of course I reacted, I was devastated, thought it was the most awful thing ever. But from speaking to other parents, a lot of kids do this.

My reaction now to him threatening self harm, is to just ask him to make sure he doesnt break anything on the way down/ make a mess (its the stairs most of the time now rather than the window, as we live in a house with lots of stairs now!) and he stomps off in a huff that he didnt get the attention he thought he would get!

plonker Mon 14-Sep-09 21:50:33

Thanks all - sound advice. I'm glad I'm not on my own with this one, I was horrified!

I didn't look shocked to her though, in fact, my reply was quite similar to yours Stephief, I asked her if she minded doing it quietly as I've got a banging headache blush

And no, we don't tolerate physical violence and are working hard to stamp it out. I'm not phased by that one though as have seen it before with dd1 and my neices and nephews, it was the threat of self-harm that shocked and upset me sad

Thanks again.

Julesnobrain Tue 15-Sep-09 21:57:55

I was so glad to read this thread. DD nearly 7 and last week lost it/ shouted in public place (on a plane!) he was going to stab us with scissors and then kill himself. I was completely and totally shocked and unsure how to react. He wouldn't calm down, eventually we ignored him and later we banned TV after dinner, banned any computers, DS Lite time for 4 days. I have to say he took it stoically and we discussed that we don't say things like that.. but I was considering if I needed professional help however from this thread it seems like a common problem. Thanks Mumsnet ..

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