Is she as devestated as she sounds?(21 Posts)
DD (2.10) is prone to a touch of the dramatics and we quite often laugh it off but I'm starting to worry that she really is as upset as she's making out. An example is on leaving an activity (soft-play, park, restaurant) she's wail 'I miss it so much' 'I love the park'.
I jolly her along and say but won't it be lovely when we go home and have a biscuit/come back another day/see Daddy later and she cheers up well enough. But the other night she lay in bed (on hols so late night, lots of excitement, change in routine) crying that no-one loves her and she's got no friends
This is just attention seeking isn't it? Or is she really breaking her heart? And what can I do?
Morning bump! Didn't realise how late it was when I posted.
Take it seriously. Would you like your feelings glossed over just because someone else didn't feel as strongly?
She probably really believes that she is feeling that way. My dd1 is similar, she will really upset herself, particularly at night, over even a tiny thing, and she genuinely needs me to calm her down and reassure her.
So how can I help her? I acknowledge that she's sad and that it's ok to miss whatever it is but that there's a reason we have to leave, we'll see/do it again etc.
Do I just wait for her to grow out of it?
Wow, she must be verbally pretty advanced. I wonder if is just testing things out. DD 2.3 has just started using words like 'favourite' and 'best', much more qualitative words. Could it be just that she is testing using these things out?
That said, saying she's got no friends and no-one loves her seems very odd for a young 2 year old. Do you know where she might have picked that sort of expression up?
you have to try and see it from her perspective - yes leaving the park is awful for her. She is 2 - she can't understans the concept of why you are leaving e.g dinner, shops, bedtime. She can only think in the present therefore just truely believed you are being cruel. Even if she will come back another day she will not be able to understand the concepy.
So yes she is genuinely upset.
The "How to talk to kids" book is very good at explaining how to deal with these situations while respecting your child as a person.
Give lots of warning from when you are leaving e.g 2 more shot on the slide, one more shot. Try and distract her when leaving with someone nice e.g when we go home we can rad a nice story etc.
If she has a tantrum -be firm that you are leaving butaccpet the fact she has a right to be upset.
You will find that the tantrum will become much briefly and maybe less frequent when she thinks that you are on her side.
She will continue to have tantrum until she is at least 3.5 or 4 because she doesn't hav the emotioanl maturuty to express her in anither way when upset.
Please don't laugh at her - she is serious.
My MIL did this to my 2 -I found it really upsetting. But it is how society sometimes views children - they are whole people just like adults.
Tantruming children are very difficult through but he above book (wll try to find a link) is goood - if a little patrionising.
She is very good verbally and I do sometimes think she's just trying things out for size!
The no friends thing, she's been saying for a while. If we leave a friend's house she cries that she's got no-one to play with. Don't know where the no-one loves me thing came from
You are doing the right thing by acknowledging her feelings and not dismissing them or ridiculing her. It does sound like she is quite advanced too.
I think there are books about emotions that you can read with her and if you are interested there is Superpowers For Parents by Stephen Briers which is about raising emotionally 'sturdy' children. (It's by the lovely man who used to do Little Angels with Dr Tanya Byron.)
My daughter is 6 and I would say very emotional. She will cry if I tell her off. I have tried a different tact with her and it is working.
I think you need to take her seriously and maybe try and ask her why she feels that way. Also getting her to draw a picture about her day might help.
Thanks for your replies everyone.
Popcorn, she doesn't tantrum. Or not in a stroppy way, just upset. I do give her plenty of warning and tell her what we're going to do next.
Also I don't laugh at her. Apologies I didn't explain that very well. I was thinking of when DH and I were sat listening to her crying in bed. It was more nervous giggles I think, while we were deciding whether to go back in but she was asleep within 2 minutes. I think I mean I laugh about it cause I know that leaving soft play isn't the endof the actual world but I don't expect her to laugh along!
Mine weren't that articulate at that age, either, Diamond.
I think it's the sort of thing I wouldn't take too seriously, OP. If I did, it would drive me mental! . I would let her cry, talk about why she feels that way, and encourage her to move on. All part of learning to deal with feelings.
At 2.3 I blew some bubbles over the blanket that she was playing with as an island and she looked at the bubbles and said 'once upon a time the rain trickled down on my island'. Yes, she says this stuff!!
Thanks mloo, that makes sense of what I'm doing IYSWIM!
Aw, bless her! She sounds like a little star! She seems to have a really vivid imagination and her speech sounds pretty advanced too.
You should take her emotions seriously though, she probably feels the same way most toddlers do, (and we all know that toddlers can have some pretty extreme feelings at times!) but it sounds like she is just really good at putting those feelings into words instead of having a tantrum. As for the no friends thing maybe she picked it up from the telly - it's amazing how much they do absorb stuff from there.
And when I said take her emotions seriously I meant comfort her and show you understand etc; don't worry about it, as it's probably normal - she's just good at expressing herself!
I have to remind myself sometimes that her level of reasoning probably doesn't match how articulate she is. I think she often doesn't really understand what she's saying - although she does generally use the right context. I think her speech is mainly down to very good memory.
Thanks everyone. I think I pretty much do all the things you guys have advised, I just didn't realise that I was doing anything IYSWIM! I feel better now I've made sense of it
Just found 'no-one loves me' in her library book! That'll be where she got it from!
LOL - DD kept telling me she had a wobbly tooth for a while because of a Charlie and Lola book where Lola has a wobbly tooth. They pick things up from anywhere don't they, even when you don't think they are listening.
Glad you feel a bit better.
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