scared baby

[EmSophie5]

My daughter is 9 months old and having classic separation anxiety. However, she is also terrified of the other babies at the groups I go to. Any noises they make, loud or quiet, even when they are trying to 'talk' to her, she bursts into tears and climbs all over me.
I have never been able to leave her with anyone else as we have no family near by to help, and she has always screamed when given to anyone else other than her dad or me.
naps are a battle now that she is crawling and cruising, with me having to hold her arms and legs still for there to be any chance of her sleeping.
Feeling pretty exhausted by it all, and with no end in sight as she cant be left even for a minute in my own house if i step into the kitchen, let alone with anyone else. I cant believe that my partner and I havent been able to have a single night out, or morning off together since she was born, and now the groups are like hard work too.

[EmSophie5]

Should I try putting her in a nursery for just an hour? Im scared to do this as I fear she will be utterly terrified.

[ilovetochat]

she is only little, i used to hold my daughter close, be reassuring and get a toy to play with and sit on the floor with her till she got more confident.
have you tried a playpen, my dd would play there with the kitchen door open so she could see me.

[penona]

Poor you. This is a difficult time, for her learning about separation from you and for you, after 9 mths of this you must be going insane!
At night time, have you tried a sleeping bag to restrict movement a little? Mine went through a phase of crawling all over their cots, as long as they were safe I just left them to it until they fell asleep with tiredness!
During the day, I carted mine around the house with me in bouncy chairs, although by 9 mths probably a bit unsafe in one. Can you maybe pop her in her highchair in the kitchen while you do things? Or even (shhh don't say I said this,) leave her safely in front of the TV for 5 mins while you make a cup of tea/have a wee/whatever? I used TV alot more at this age than I do now (2.3yrs) as it would totally mesmerise them and give me a chance to do something. We all got a much needed break.

I ddn't start going to baby groups until mine were walking (1.3yrs) - I have twins so two crawlers would be a nightmare - do you have friends you could invite to your home, on a smaller scale? Or someone's house you could go to, but just a few of you so not so overwhelming.

Not sure if any of that helps.

[bearhug]

With a bit of luck this should ease soon - my DS had a phase, mercifully only lasting a month or so, of being terrified of everybody except me and DP. Now 11 months he seems to be gaining confidence again, but is still very wary of men with beards. Unfortunately continues to be terrified of the hoover, the shower, DP's electic shaver etc.

[EmSophie5]

Thanks for all the messages. I have not tried a playpen, but will give that a go, that seems a good idea. The Highchair in kitchen is usually ok for a few mins, but she gets bored v quickly! Im just hoping it is a phase that doesnt last too long. Oh I have no qualms about using the tv! But again, short attention span! Sometimes I feel I have a difficult baby, I know you shouldnt compare, but is hard not to when you see the other babies happily crawling around and playing.Penona, I do have friends who come round, and funnily enough if were in the garden she seems ok, but in the house, where sounds are amplified, she is terrible! Yes and scared of hoover etc too.

[EmSophie5]

My partner gave me morning off yesterday to do some much needed retail therapy... and have also decided to try and look at it in another way- I should prob try to appreciate her clingyness as soon she will not want me anyway! I just wish that my partner and I had a night out or something to look forward to, we always have to have a break separately which is the hardest thing. How does everyone else cope?

[limonchik]

If she's already struggling with separation anxiety then I'm not sure putting her in a nursery will help - maybe it would just confirm her fears about you leaving?

If she finds baby groups overwhelming, then Penona's suggestion about seeing friends individually sounds good. Could you also try having her in a sling or carrier round the house so she's always with you - might help her feel more secure.

[maybebaby23]

Oh our DD was exactly the same. If i even turned my head away from her (still sat right beside her though!) she would scream and cry. It was exhausting and i felt like i had a difficult baby because she always seemed so miserable At baby groups all the other babies just sat there happily playing while mine wa climbing all over me and screaming.

We did what bedlambest suggested re-time alone with DH, we put DD to bed in her pushchair all snug and wrapped up warm then went out for long walks in the evening it was lovely

Hope it passes quickly for you! Totally sympathise!