my DD has just told me she knows the F*** word!

[carolinamoonbeam]

help. am totally horrified . my 6 yer old DD has just told me she knows a really bad naughty word....then she said f, Fing and F*ing hell!wish i had known at 6 she may hear these words so could have been prepred on how to handle this. i told her that these words were naughty and i didnt want to ever hear her use them otherwise she would have to get into trouble. didnt give her into trouble when telling me and all very calm and cuddly!Turns out the 9 yr old neighbour told her at school then reaffirmed the words outside the house today . She had told DD it was a secret and not to tell me under any circs. However have always told her not to have secrets from mummy and daddy so she told me who told her. Am thinking should have just ingnored it......but too late now! Does anyone have any advice as to what to do if she mentions it again- or should i say anything to her in the morning? Would be horrified if DD starts telling anyone in her calss or worse - her 3 yer old live wire sister! help!

[McDreamy]

I think you handled the initial situation very well - or at least how I would have handled it. It wouldn't be fair to land her in trouble - she doesn't know what she's saying but now you have explained to her that it is not a word/words you want her to use again.

If she was to use it again then I would tell her off, not acceptable.

I think your other problem is your 9 year old neighbour! Any chance you can have a word with the child's parents? Does your 6 year old spend alot of time with the 9 year old?

[carolinamoonbeam]

Thanks McDreamy.....unforunately, they do spend a lot of time together. I cant really do anything about it when they are at school...... and it really would be very hard to stop them playing at home when all the kids where i stay all play together. Its a cul de sac kind of like brookside close so the kids are always in and out of each others houses and back gardens etc. Nor sure what to do re saying to her mum - she not big on discipline!!!! lovely lady who i get on fine with and often say to her i had to give one of her kids into trouble for something eg spitting on toddler, stones thrown at car...!actually thik will mention to her so if hear her DD say it can adress issue directly - would that be out of order?

[McDreamy]

I think it would be reasonable to do that. It's so difficult talking to other parents about discipline/trouble.

I think one of the big areas you have identified is that your daughter, no matter what she is told by the older children, will talk to YOU - that's priceless and when the time comes I so hope my children will do the same. Secrets scare the heck out of me!

[ReneRusso]

My DDs aged 9 and 7 know it. As long as they don't use it then I guess I'm not too worried. They learnt it when they spent a lot of time with older kids. I would not mention it again to her, but if she says it again, then I would make it clear that its a very bad word and she will get thrown out of school for saying it. Or whatever outcome might scare her most. If you heard the neighbours DD use it, could you not say something direct to the child? "We don't allow that language so please don't use it in front of DD, or I won't be able to let her play with you?"

[dogonpoints]

Many kids find out about these words fairly soon after starting school.

At 6, she should be old enough to realise they are not nice words adn she should never use them in front of an adult or smaller child.

[dogonpoints]

I wouldn't mention it to the other mum at all. Most children know these words at age 9 and a good number use them. It's your own child's use of them that you need to advise on.

[nimbs]

sadly my ds knows it - blaming dh as he uses it alot - he knows that it will get him into major trouble if he uses it though - which he has done a couple of times as he knows it pushes buttons - sorry not much help but am as horrified as you were that my 5 yr old knows words like that

[carolinamoonbeam]

thanks all for your good advice. i defo would say to 9 yr old if heard her use it (then would say to her mum i had had to do that!) problem was she wasnt using the word in conversation...she was delib passing on bad word to my DD as a secret knowing it ws a naughty thing to do. I think my DD is on the whole a lovley wee girl - BUT she can of course be troublesome at times and am most concerned she will tell her school pals...could not bear the wrath of the other p2 mums!! she would be branded a trouble maker for all eternity!!!! am thinking will just leave it unless DD mentions it again ( and keep my fingers crossed!) cheers all x

[Spidermama]

I think it's quite cute actually. The 9 year old is obviuosly pulling out all the stops to impress your dd and experimenting with taboos in the form of words.

They are only words. They're very common words at that and unless your dd is using them to hurt someone I really wouldn't worry at all. It's inevitable.

[cory]

Perfectly normal. She knows the word, inevitably, and she now also knows not to use it. Success!!

My own 9yo suggested sweetly to me yesterday that maybe I should teach him all the swear words I know so he can be sure to avoid them

I am pretty sure he knows all the ordinary ones and has for a long time, but he certainly knows not to use them in my presence so I feel confident he will not use them in other inappropriate situations either; in fact, I'd be willing to bet he doesn't use them at all.

[kreecherlivesupstairs]

We've had this, a couple of days ago dd asked me if the F word was swearing. I said yes and asked her not to use it. Cheeky madam said well what about XYand Z, I said they were all bad words that lovely little girls shouldn't use. She asked me what about if someone tells me to f off? Can I say it back. I said no. She hears a lot of this on the school bus (and I'm no slouch in the swearing dept.) so I doubt there's much I can do to stop her while she's not with me. Currently she's chanting Arsenal with a heavy emphasis on the first sylable and we live in Switzerland so it's unlikely she's come across the gooners.

[FernieB]

We moved to Germany when my DD's were 5. Within a few weeks they had learnt all the bad words in German and can now swear fluently in both languages. It's inevitable that they will hear and learn these words. I have spoken to them about the words and explained that they shouldn't be used - they then had fun coming up with clean alternative words.

[SingleMum01]

I have a similar problem. My 6 year old plays with a 9 year old and 7 year old next door. I heard the 9 year old say the F word and told him off and told him if I heard any words like that again he wouldn't be allowed in the garden. Luckily my DS didn't hear it so it wasn't an issue.

Yesterday the 9 year old's sister who's 7 and my DS were playing a CD which has the Sh** word in. My DS didn't hear it, and I confess I've never picked up on it before. But the 7 year old kept going on about it and it being a bad word - not actually saying the word itself though. I didn't know what to do!

My DS doesn't know what the S word is but kept asking me what it was and could he listen to the CD! I just told him there are swear words which you don't say and if he isn't sure what they are he can whisper them to me once and I'll tell him if its a swear word but he must then never repeat it - but he kept asking me what they were! What do you do?

PS - he did whisper 'fart' to me as he thought this was the F word!