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can anyone help with ds who is 5

(8 Posts)
newmama0 Thu 10-Sep-09 09:42:41

hi all

my ds who has just turned 5 (3 weeks ago) and is in year 1 is driving me crazy!!
he can be the most loving sweet little boy wanting kisses and cuddles off me, dh and ds2 (2)

he has always been a handfull but i have always put this down to being a bit hyper and the fact he is very much a boy

he never stops from the moment he gets up till bed time, can not sit still for longer than 20 mins, and always has to be making noise.

but if i take him any where with other children he is a nightmare!!!! the school run for example as soon as we get there he is figthing, swinging on other kids, hitting them

no matter how many times i say no or make him hold my hand nothing works!!! he ansews me back (your not the boss of me!)
i have took toys off of him, behaviour charts, naughty step etc but he doesnt seem bothered

he is the same at school and is always in trouble

its worse at football training, partys etc as he is just so bad, i know a lot is showing off in front of his friends but really dont know what to do. my ds2 (2) is picking up on the behaviour.

i feel as if i am saying no all the time and always on his case, but he just doesnt let up. And of course all his friends are behaved!!

im so sorry so long but really dont know what to do.

its got to the point where i dont want take him to partys, football etc, and i leave the school run to the last minute.

ICANDOTHAT Thu 10-Sep-09 09:48:10

What behaviour strategies have you put into place ? Do sanction work ... ie: no TV, DS, Play station (if he has them) or no football / play dates etc ? What was he like as a toddler? Does he respond to the football coach ? What kind of trouble is he in at school eg: fighting, not listening etc ? Sorry, lots of questions

catkinq Thu 10-Sep-09 09:52:53

Have you tried talking to the school - if you ask for the SENCO and say that you are struggling at home and know that there are problems at school (it may help to put this in writing or as an e-mail) then they may be able to suggest strategies and/or start to do things in school which have a knock on effect at home/parties.

newmama0 Thu 10-Sep-09 10:32:20

ICANDOTHAT he has a behaviour chart, which he doesnt bother about he just says oh well
he hasnt had his ds lite for over a week now ( he only got it 3 weeks ago for his birthday) he crys for about 20 mins when i take something off him then just doesnt care

he asks for it every day and i say no he crys i explain why he cant have it and he says he will be good then is just as bad.
the same happens with football he crys then takes it out on ds2 by hitting him.

if i put him on step or bed he crys till i take him off (5 mins) then we talk about what he did he says sorry and just carrys on being bad

football coach has some control over him and gives him times out or a stern talking to and he listens, it lasts for about 10 mins, then he is swinging off people pulling at them etc.

i have started taking him home when he misbahaves and the same with parties. he gets 2 warnings then its home.

he went back to school on mon and has been in trouble for
hitting someone
throwing a stick that nearly hit the ta
not doing as he was told and beening silly in pe
kicking his bf

as a toddler he was a handful but at nursey and mums n tots was great, (most of the time) had his moments like everyone else just really hyper!!!

we talk about his behaviour and he says its his silly head and he will put his good head on!! but seems to go in one ear then out the next

Catking what is a senco?

he hangs around with 5 boys he has known from birth they are all rough and play fight, but when they are asked to stop they do. my ds just carrys on and keeps fighting and at carpet time he cant keep his hands to himself he has to be poking pulling at the other kids.

ICANDOTHAT Thu 10-Sep-09 11:05:13

Ok. What's his diet like? I ask because I seriously had to adjust my ds2's diet (he is 7 and has dx of ADHD). I cut out all artificial sweeteners (ie: in most squashes and fizzy drinks), artificial colours & flavours and many preservatives. It sounds a nightmare to do, but after 2 weeks I became an expert in reading food labels and I cannot tell you what a difference it has made to his behaviour. I limit chocolate and sweets to treats only. I also supplement his diet with Omega 3,6, & 9 vitamins - these help his concentration and attention span - also make him calmer. I had to take drastic measures as his hyper and inquisitive nature were affecting him at school mostly. I can sympathise with the carpet time issue, my ds is exactly the same - they gave him play-doe to fiddle with instead and he has a 'time out' box to play with (lego) when his concentration waivers during a work task. Discipline wise I use the '1-2-3 Magic' method. You literally count from 1 upto 3 and if they have not responded in that time, it's in his room for 7 minutes. It took me 3 weeks to get him to respond before I got to 3 - these days I only have to say '1' and he stops. You have to warn them you are going to start 'counting' their behaviour and eventually I found my ds tired of the exclusion he was getting. Just make sure he is safe in his room or where ever you put him.

newmama0 Thu 10-Sep-09 11:13:55

thanks icandothat his diet is quite good but he loves squashes but will defo cut out everything with artificial sweeteners. he is already on omega 3,6 as i read this works. will try adding vit 9 in as well.

glad your son is getting better maybe there is a light at the end of the tunnel!!!!!!!

ICANDOTHAT Thu 10-Sep-09 15:34:28

Just remembered ... I use these as they are v. good :

(include Zinc which is also proven to help hyper kids - avail at Tescos) Good luck smile

coultie Wed 30-Sep-09 17:23:58

Hiya my ds has turned 6 gone august and has just been excluded from school for the same behaviour or more or less
Hitting a teacher and a pupil.swearing, disrupting the class by making silly noises screaming and tearing up his work and others to the exctent that this was there only option.He is getting treated atm for adhd and autism but up until he has had a diagnosis the school are treating him as a naughty boy which is very upsetting for us as his parents and i cant see what it will achieve for him with these difficulties but who are we to argue
so i know how you feel and would suggest to you to get your child referred before things get worse
My ds is taking melatoin to help him sleep which does help thankfully

Good luck

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