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Questions about my 2.11 year old's behaviour

(7 Posts)
llareggub Tue 08-Sep-09 23:31:59

DH and I are starting to wonder where on earth we have gone wrong with our DS. He is 3 next month and we have a 4 month old DS as well.

Recently, he has had massive tantrums in which we can't do anything right. He usually picks on one of us to "go away" which he screams over and over again.

He goes from being quite sweet to intolerable, frankly. The tantrums are usually over him wanting his own way over things or because things aren't done in a particular way.

In particular, I feel like he is pushing me away and prefers his father. This evening he screamed at me to go away when I went up to comfort him at bedtime. He wouldn't stop screaming at me until I did actually go away.

He is incredibly stroppy at the moment and I am dreading the teenage years if this is what it is like. We are at a loss, frankly. We all got upset this evening and sometimes I don't like him very much and I feel awful about this.

I felt very embarrassed in a shop the other day when he kept shouting that he wanted a book over and over again. I can't believe that my DS is so spoilt and I don't think we've particularly indulged him in this way.

Any ideas for ways to cope with these tantrums? Poor old DS2 is terrified by the noise and I'm sure it is upsetting for DS1 too. He seems to get out of control and can't stop the tantrum.

He is (we think) fairly bright and is very vocal. He goes to pre-school two mornings a week and it is possible that the tantrums have been worse over the summer. Other things that might be relevant is that he stopped breastfeeding 2 months ago, has recently stopped wearing nappies is becoming fiercely independent.

I'd love to have my lovely, happy DS back but I fear we are all becoming shouty and unhappy. Any ideas?

TanteRose Wed 09-Sep-09 03:34:56

Keep calm and ignore, ignore, ignore - and then when he calms down, a big hug and a snuggle on the sofa.
I feel your pain, though, as my DS was similar. We stopped breasfeeding on his 3rd birthday, out of nappies at 3.3 yrs, and then stopped co-sleeping at 3.5 yrs...nursery started two days a week...v. similar. (this was all 6 or 7 years ago..)
I know what you mean about everyone descending into shouty mode - its awful, isn't it? sad
Don't want to put a real downer on you, but my DS got worse before he got better...He was an angel at school, and a reincarnation of the devil at home...his teachers said that it was better that way round than awful behaviour at school.
Anyway, I did use the "How to talk so your kids will listen" book and it helped a bit. Have you read it?
by the way, you and your DH have not done anything wrong - I used to beat myself up about that too. Your DS just needs to know that you love him, however he behaves.

I am hoping that after all the battles between ages 3 and 9, the teenage years will be a toddle <delusional>

lavenderbongo Wed 09-Sep-09 03:43:09

I second what Tanterose says. Walk away if possible and just ignore. Give no response until he has calmed down. When he realises that his tantrums are having no effect he will just have to figure out another tactic to get your attention. My two year old has moved on to stripping off at every opportunity!

I find shouting has absolutely not effect at all - so I rarely do it now. This is quite good as now if I do shout my girls know I mean business! Praise all the good things he does and give him lots of cuddles. Give him lots of attention when he is being good.

3littlefrogs Wed 09-Sep-09 03:55:07

You haven't gone wrong - he is just being a normal almost 3 year old whose world has been turned upside down by the arrival of a baby brother.

Ignore the negative behaviour, give him lots of attention and praise for the good, and try to give him one to one time. He isn't spoilt - he is attention seeking, and needing reassurance that he hasn't been usurped by the baby - who is probably needing a lot of your time ATM.

llareggub Wed 09-Sep-09 06:29:48

Thank you so much for your comments. Things are much better this morning and we had a lovely cuddle before he eventually went to asleep last night.

I'll try the book and will also try praising him more. I have been doing it but perhaps I need to be more consistent. DH and I chatted last night and we're also going to try to have some 1 to 1 time with him without the baby being around.

TanteRose Wed 09-Sep-09 06:36:32

Aww smile
Y'know, sometimes there is bugger-all you can do except have a good old cuddle (see what I did there...)

Glad to hear things are better today smile

llareggub Wed 09-Sep-09 06:58:04

grin

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