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Why is my 3 yr old ds's behaviour only bad with me? Help please

(6 Posts)
gill7 Mon 07-Sep-09 20:23:34

Hi all

I am at my wits end. My ds who turned 3 in August is out of my control and dont know how to turn it around. With anyone else, the childminder, my partner etc he is an angel, brilliant manners, does more or less what he is told. But as soon as I appear he turns into a devil. He doesnt listen to what i say. He whinges and whines and screams for everything which normally begins with I WANT. When i use the naughty corner, he smiles and says mommy i will go and sit in naughty corner before i say it, so thats not working. Have tried putting him in his room, but he just plays and accepts it. I have tried reward charts but he doesnt seem to understand them, dont know it he is too young, but just moves all the stars about and takes them off. Have tried bribing with biscuits etc which sometimes work but just dont know what to do. Sunday in the shop, he knocked over toilet roll display, the kicked milk bottles over by front door, pulled dogs tail, ran shouting and screaming everywhere, wouldnt eat dinner etc etc etc

I suffer with depression and this is making me worse. please some advice would be so welcome

Gill

RumourOfAHurricane Mon 07-Sep-09 21:21:33

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RumourOfAHurricane Mon 07-Sep-09 21:22:49

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carelesswhispers Mon 07-Sep-09 21:48:12

shine are you supernanny in disguise grin

RumourOfAHurricane Mon 07-Sep-09 22:30:36

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smultronstallet Mon 07-Sep-09 22:58:36

I've tried 123 magic on my DS in similar situations and it is working.

It's a bit American but I 've just taken the basics of it which is this:

123 Magic can be used to get them to STOP doing something (whining, tantruming, hitting etc) It is not for behaviour that needs to start (getting dressed, getting out of the house etc).

As soon as the bad behaviour starts you say in a completely emotion free way "That's a 1"

After 5 seconds if they still haven't stopped you say in the same non reacting way "That's a 2"

After five more seconds if they still haven't stopped you say "Right that's a three" and you implement the consequence (time out) but you do not explain what you are doing or why you are doing it, you do not explain what they did wrong or emotionally engage with them or try to get them to understand or reason with them or anything.

At the end of the two to three minutes you take them out of time out (whatever that is for you - for me it is either put in the cotbed with the side up so he can't get out, or strapped into push chair if downstairs)

You don't say anything or mention that they've been in time out, you just carry on with what you're doing.

My DS seems to be very quickly picking up that fact that he isn't getting any attention or the usual reaction from me in the process and will now often stop at 2.

I wouldn't use "time out" as such before now and started this at the end of my tether because my DS would hit me, scream "No mummy" etc and I don't want to "teach" him that I am angry with him, just that his behaviour is unacceptable.

I think its the total lack of emotional response and complete (boring) predictabilty of outcome that makes the difference.

It's pretty painfree all round.

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