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At the end of my tether with potty training....

(19 Posts)
Ineedmorechocolatenow Mon 07-Sep-09 08:07:29

I know there have been other threads with regards to regressing during potty training.

I started potty training DS about 6 weeks ago. The first week was pretty 'textbook' and by the end of the third week DS was telling my he needed a poo and managing to stop himself weeing after a little 'spot' in his pants and letting me know so he could finish it off on the potty.

However, the last two weeks have got progressively worse to the point where he's now pooing and peeing in his pants and just sitting in it. He doesn't stop himself weeing, and just floods himself.

I've tried reward charts, sweets for a wee / poo, loads of praise, clearing up mess without any fuss. Now I end up cross and telling him off when he's done it as I've run out of patience.

I think I started too early, though he's three in December, and I know there's no going back now.

Need some help really. The only change I can think of is that he's now using the toilet as opposed to the potty. Maybe I need to get the potty back out and start again from scratch.....

puffylovett Mon 07-Sep-09 08:46:26

How about putting him in pull ups for a few weeks so it takes the pressure off him, then trying again very gently when you're both a bit less stressed with it ? Or would that be a step back do you think...

Sorry I haven't been in your situation, just trying to look at it objectively. I definitely would not tell him off - there must be a reason he is weeing, either getting involved in play and forgetting he needs a wee till the last minute, or nerves etc.

Maybe he just isn't quite ready yet ?

I'm sorry I'm not much help, just didn't want your post to go unanswered smile

Ineedmorechocolatenow Mon 07-Sep-09 09:13:39

Thanks, I might try that. You read so much conflicting advice you end up in a right old mess! I feel awful for getting cross with him... it's only been 6 weeks and I know that it can take a lot longer than that.

I just know that he CAN do it, if you know what I mean. It makes me feel as though he's doing it deliberately (I know he's not)....

He was showing all the signs that he was ready, I just wish I'd waited a bit longer..... sad

bubblagirl Mon 07-Sep-09 09:24:51

i started and re started 3 times with ds if its too much hard work his not ready i never got rid of pottys at all until he was over 4 we still have 1 in bathroom in case someone is using toilet when he needs to go his 4.3

my ds showed all signs of being ready at 2.3 then reverted again at 2.7 then reverted at 3.6 sent him to pre school in pants and has been dry ever since

dont stress your self over it i always left no pants on when at home as he was well aware it wasnt a nappy then and wasnt getting confused until he was 100% confident with potty use then pants went on when he get used to them loose shorts

my friends ds wasnt dry until 4 in day they all learn at there own rate dont stress about it if his not ready his not ready others may make you feel its a competition they had theres dry at 6 mths lol but they will all do it when there ready and when there ready it just happens its not hard work at all

bubblagirl Mon 07-Sep-09 09:26:22

dont get cross i know its hard but it will only bring negativity and anxiety which create accidents anyway as there not sure or able to control there bodies as yet that comes in time if wees just say oh dear that should have been on the potty and sit on potty then praise for being on potty

kreecherlivesupstairs Mon 07-Sep-09 09:47:52

My dd would not sit on a potty for anything, she loathed it. I don't have a boy, but out neighbour put a pingpong ball in the toilet for her son to aim at. (with pee obviously, the other would be a documentary all of its own).

Scarletibis Mon 07-Sep-09 10:21:51

DD1 did this - started off well, then regressed (although she was ok with poo, just not wee). We had about nine months of her being not-very-well trained, until I did a star chart and that improved things massively. (she was 3 and a bit then)

Looking back, I think I should have put her back in pull-ups and saved a load of washing and me getting v frustrated and cross.

(I know everyone says don't get cross, but as you say it's hard not to)

mumofeve Mon 07-Sep-09 10:37:35

God, its SO hard not to get cross isn't it? DD1 (3) regressed about 2 months after supposedly being sorted (I was 8 months pregnant and not too impressed with having to crawl around on the floor mopping up puddles!). Sticker charts DID work for us to a certain extent - perhaps you just need to find the right 'currency' for your LO - but it did take a good few weeks. Alternatively, I don't think there is any problem with using pullups (maybe the ones that are a bit more like pants), but still perservering with the potty. We still occasionally use pullups for long motorway journeys, and for bed, but we refer to them as 'special pants' and encourage her to think of them like normal knickers. Do you think there is any reason for the setback? I'm pretty sure my DD1's was related to her stopping going to nursery and being at home with me when my maternity leave started. I have heard of setbacks possibly being related to new baby, starting playgroup/nursery, change of routine etc etc

MyAngels Mon 07-Sep-09 12:25:35

Hi Ineedmorechocolatenow

I could have written your post about my DD (2.4) We have been trying to potty train for the last 6 weeks with extremely inconsistent results - one day she'll tell me in the car that she needs a wee, will hold on till we stop and get the potty - great. The next (yesterday) 11 pairs of wet pants in the washing machine.

I reached the end of my tether and today she is back in pull ups (DH and I felt such a failure, we are using pull ups as a half way house hoping that she will continue with the little bit of progress she has made. I might try again in proper pants in a month).

Just wanted to sympathise with you and send a virtual hug - I know how much of a trial it is (for everyone - I was really losing my patience with her and getting cross, like you, and I didn't like how it was making me feel about DD).

Hoping you (and I!) find a way through it all


Ineedmorechocolatenow Mon 07-Sep-09 14:23:03

God you lot are great! Thanks for all the responses - I'm not alone!

He's had a poo accident and lots of wee accidents today. I'm going to try really hard not to get cross and to use the potty again.

Thanks again x

Ineedmorechocolatenow Mon 07-Sep-09 18:25:49

Well.... the potty's been out all afternoon and he's been pantless. Back to one sweet for a wee and he's been going on it without needing to be reminded, just takes himself off to do a wee. He also did a poo, but had to remind him when I saw him 'concentrating' IYKWIM. Might do this for the rest of the week and then see where we go from there.....

oneopinionatedmother Mon 07-Sep-09 18:53:58

sweets are great aren't they..
i had a relapse with mine..but we got there with wee. still waiting for poo. good to hear things picking up.

bubblagirl Tue 08-Sep-09 11:24:51

just o add my ds is 4.3 and still needs reminding to got o the toilet his completely dry doesnt have accidents but i always tell him to go to the toilet before we go out anywhere and while out and at home if his engrossed i will say go and do a wee he;'ll soon come back and tell me if he cant do one most times he will

i took and him and told him to go for a wee every 30 mins or so until he was fully capable and dry in day

seeker Tue 08-Sep-09 11:31:38

If they aren't ready, they aren't ready. There's no harm in going back to nappies or pul-ups and trying again in a few weeks time. They all get there - so the least stress the better!

NotPregnantJustFat Tue 08-Sep-09 11:40:49

Started potty training my DS a few weeks ago and he got the hang of it really quickly, (he's 4 in November). BUT now he doesn't want to poo on the potty, or in a nappy. So he'll hold it in for a few days then usually ends up pooing in his pants. It's v frustrating.

Also, he will happily wee on the potty, but seems incapable of pulling his own trousers and pants down. AND he flatly refuses to stand up or sit down and wee on the toilet.

So when he started playgroup yesterday I had to send him in a pull up.

Seems like he's never going to get there at the moment, (have just been trying to persuade him to wee in toilet for 1/2 hour).

Ineedmorechocolatenow Tue 08-Sep-09 14:25:36

It's comforting to hear that there are others in the same boat. He's been dry today, but I have been reminding him lots. It's helped getting the potty back out and he runs around with no pants on.

DS doesn't pull his own pants and trousers down easily notpregnantjustfat, I think this was part of the problem.

Hope you're having more luck myangels xx

mathanxiety Tue 08-Sep-09 15:20:51

Sometimes children worry about what will happen to 'their' poo once it goes into the toilet. Same as they sometimes worry they will be sucked down the bathtub drain if they don't hop out fast. With one of my DCs, we had an elaborate story about the poo going off for a party with all the other poos. We would wave and flush and call 'Byebye poo, see you again soon'. I think it made it easier to imagine the poo having fun, not getting attacked by monsters in the drain (the toilet made quite a loud whooshing/ roaring sound which might have been misinterpreted by my DC). Sometimes progress with the under 5s is two steps forward and one step back, though. Bribery and having a circle of proud relatives to phone after a poo (all of them were warned in advance to be ready with congratulations) helped a lot. So did having the DCs do quite a bit of the mopping after accidents (wee, not poo); we went through a lot of paper towels, and I helped them of course, but they got a lot of it themselves. (Then a big hand wash of course). They got plenty of praise for being big helpful DCs and mopping up neatly. Eventually mum's reaction to accidents wasn't as much fun for them to just observe any more, as they were partly responsible for cleanup too.

purepurple Tue 08-Sep-09 15:29:30

IME, I am a nursery nurse, children do sometimes regress.
I think they get the hang of it at first, love all the rewards and attention.
Then they get a bit complacent. There is a big jump between doing a wee when someone tells you to and recognising when you need a wee and having the muscle control to hold it in until you get to the potty/toilet. They know they need to go, but don't know how long they can hold it in for.
At then moment I care for 23 toddlers, all of whom are at different stages of toilet training

oneopinionatedmother Fri 11-Sep-09 16:38:18

ok, its daytime, DD obviously needs a crap, i have her sat on the potty watching cbeebies...

doyou think i shoud let her walk around a bit to get things moving, or leave her sat??

wish me luck..

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