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Would using this work make the behaviour worse?

(22 Posts)
sally78 Sat 29-Aug-09 10:06:48

I read through lots of threads on here about biting.

LO is almost 2 and his bitten twice in the last week, struggling to keep a toy both times.

As soon as I have caught it happening I have said NO, You have made x very upset look....

The trouble is LO is so cross at not getting the toy they are not listening. Time out didn't work as they kept coming out of it???! I try comforting the other child however they just want their mum off course.

Would a book like this help or make it worse by drawing more atttention to it?

www.amazon.co.uk/Teeth-are-Biting-Elizabeth-Verdick/dp/1575421283

Thank you in advance.

mrsruffallo Sat 29-Aug-09 10:08:32

It looks like a nice book, but to be honest I would just carry on doing what you're doing and it'll all work out eventually

sally78 Sat 29-Aug-09 10:12:02

promise mrsruffallo?? Its really worrying me! sad
When should they be able to stay in timeout?

mrsruffallo Sat 29-Aug-09 10:31:50

Of course!
I never used time out so couldn't tell you how long they should stay.I think the method of showing the mark, explaining that you have hurt someone plus knowing that mummy is disappointed is enough to eventually make most children stop. If it doesn't, it could be effective to take her home as soon as she has done it and warn her the next time before you go in that if any biting occurs you will be going home
It's awful when your LO's do something like this, you feel absolutely mortified I know but it'll pass I promise.

sally78 Sat 29-Aug-09 10:38:40

Thank-you! I think also 22months is hard as they almost understand but are still so young, another few months they will understand and I hope become easier to discipline???

mrsruffallo Sat 29-Aug-09 10:46:31

Keep explaining everything, mindful watching and premeditation- it'll all work out
You sound like a fab mummy, just keep at it.
IME once they turn two they understand a lot more

sally78 Sat 29-Aug-09 10:53:40

mrsruffallo I hope so! Thank-you!

claw3 Sat 29-Aug-09 11:28:29

Some good advice from Mrsruffallo, 2 is a bit young for time out. I would just take little un away from the situation and a firm NO.

If still biting when 18, then worry!

sally78 Sat 29-Aug-09 21:02:40

I have been amazed today to hear just who many people bite their child back. I don't think I could do this. I thought it would also send mixed messages........?

They all said though their child NEVER bite again??!!! I think I must have heard this from 8 or 9 parents just this week.

sally78 Sat 29-Aug-09 21:32:57

mummy biters anywhere????

sally78 Sat 29-Aug-09 21:54:02

mummy biters anywhere????

mathanxiety Sat 29-Aug-09 23:04:05

I heard this too, so often I'm inclined to believe it. I assume it's not a very painful bite, just enough to grab the attention and show how it feels. Toddlers can't really empathise with others so pointing out that the other child is hurt is meaningless unless they can feel something like the hurt, physically, themselves.

thumbwitch Sat 29-Aug-09 23:06:31

mu mum did it to my bro and sis when they bit each other. They didn't do it again. It was just hard enough to show the potential for hurt, not hard enough to really hurt them.

Corporalcornsillk Sat 29-Aug-09 23:28:37

My sister did the biting back thing and advised me to do it to ds when he went through this phase. I didn't however, as I don't agree with it - it's on a par with hitting back IMO. It's a phase and it is very common.

sally78 Sun 30-Aug-09 11:25:30

Corporalcornsillk did it go on for long? How did you deal with it.

I am guessing the not biting them back approach will take longer to work?

mathanxiety I think you have hit the nail on the head - toddlers just can't really empathise!

claw3 Sun 30-Aug-09 11:53:22

How about if your toddler hits another child with a toy, should you hit them with a toy?

Surely the emphasis is on teaching them how to behave?

sally78 Sun 30-Aug-09 19:32:04

Thats what I think Claw3, with biting it seems a great deal of people have bitten their child back and they haven't done it again. I couldn't do it. By accident, instead of biting me he accually bite himself yesterday and was rather shocked so that may have worked!

Corporalcornsillk Mon 31-Aug-09 11:50:50

sally I don't think he actually bit anyone apart from me and his brother. He didn't bite anyone at school anyway!

Heated Mon 31-Aug-09 12:27:08

There was a Jeremy Vine phone-in on this and they said jokingly ha ha "Some have even said bite them back" ho ho and lo and behold every caller said they'd bitten their child back and the result was immediate. It all rather backfired as the 'expert' had spoken quietly to her ds about how biting hurt - Jezza asked how long did it take to stop the biting - "About a year" was the answer.

Ds and dd went through a biting phase at about 14-18m, although it was us they sank their fangs into. After doing a bit of reading we settled on a middle ground & said a very firm "NO" and put them down abruptly on the floor and looked away for 20 seconds or so. They then got picked up and explained to. But it was the shock of suddenly being put down that sent out the message it wasn't ok. Just thought I'd post in case it's of any use.

sally78 Mon 31-Aug-09 19:27:14

Thanks Heated! Yep, more and more this week I keep hearing "oh Yes my LO did that, I bite them back, never did it again"

He hasn't done it for 3 days now and I have had him in a few hot spot places with lots of toddlers so the fact he bite himself the other day may have worked......heres hoping!

colditz Mon 31-Aug-09 19:29:07

I used to SHOUT when ds2 bit me. It scared the crap out of him and he stopped.

sally78 Mon 31-Aug-09 19:33:29

grin I think my DS would love me to do that!

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