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Experienced mums edvice needed please!

(12 Posts)
tryingtobemarypoppins Fri 28-Aug-09 19:21:04

DS is 22 months. He is lovely and enjoys others company however in the last week he has bitten twice. This has been because a toy was about to be taken off him by another child or he takes something of theres etc.

I have been soooooooooo embarrassed and upset as it has been so out of the blue.

Got over the shock and now except its a normal toddler phase etc (hope that's true).

Trouble is how to deal with it?

As I have caught him doing it both times I have picked him up crying as he wants the toy. Put him down and on his level tell him bitting is not nice, you have made x very upset, look at his arm etc.

The trouble is he is so upset and cross he isn't listening and when I then put him in time out he runs out either to me crying or to try and get the toy again.

Is he ready for time out? If so how do I make him stay there and how long for.

I hate the bitting thing its so horrible and mine is the first in our group to bite another child. Some of his pals have bitten their parents but it kind of puts a strain on your relationship with the parents when they do this sort of thing to each other I fear. Help!

tryingtobemarypoppins Fri 28-Aug-09 19:45:33

please!!

travellingwilbury Fri 28-Aug-09 19:47:43

It is horrible when one of your children bites , I know I had one . The best thing that worked for him was when he did it I told him no and then just put him on the floor and ignored him while I would then make a big fuss of the child he had bitten . He did soon stop .

There will be at least a couple of others in your group that will turn out to be fond of a nibble and then you will at least feel less alone .

You are right to think it is a normal toddler phrase . With my ds once his vocabulary had caught up with his thoughts it stopped .

madwomanintheattic Fri 28-Aug-09 19:51:40

what wilbury said grin

and be ^very firm^. no attention at all for the biter, except to move him away, and lots lavished on the victim. grin

this too will pass.

tryingtobemarypoppins Fri 28-Aug-09 19:52:51

I like that technique. I kind of though today I made the situation worse as he had a tantrum but didn't really feel rejected. I was so keen for the parent to see I was cross etc. The parent was also keen for my DS to see the mark he had made (only teeth thank god!) but he was way to upset to care.

Rejection seems good!

His vocab is behind his peers - interesting point. THANK-YOU!!!

tryingtobemarypoppins Fri 28-Aug-09 19:56:47

Just thinking......once you have said a firm no and put him away from you and lavished loads on the victim, what happens if your child just carries on playing and doesn't care???

travellingwilbury Fri 28-Aug-09 19:59:59

Then IMHO he is pretending he doesn't and should still be ignored for a wee while .

It will pass promise , and then you will be on to the next annoying phase grin

Purplepanettone Fri 28-Aug-09 20:00:31

With our second I tried all the usual ignoring bad behaviour/telling off etc and it did no good. Even though he was only about two, I decided one day to try rewarding him and when he was sitting in the buggy (hence unable to bite anyhow) gave him a chocolate button and made a big fuss about how good he was not to bite. I kept finding excuses to do likewise and it gradually petered out.

It went against common sense at the time to be honest, but I had tried everything else and it worked.

I hope you sort it out soon.

tryingtobemarypoppins Fri 28-Aug-09 20:54:46

Oh its so hard! Why does it have to me my child?!

Mamulik Sat 29-Aug-09 11:35:20

He is trying to get to the toys, so he used his teeth as weapon

sleeplessinsuburbia Sat 29-Aug-09 12:17:18

My DS did this regularly for a couple of weeks at daycare, they said each time they'd explain it was wrong and make him come and sit with them for a while, my friend (a bit of an expert on child behaviour) fixed it by saying it's not the trigger it's the reaction that makes them continue the behaviour. He was loving the attention apparently, the advice was to put him in time out away from view (at home I had a safety gate) without talking or eye contact or acknowledgment (couldn't do at childcare) otherwise they had to almost bowl him over/out of the way to fuss over the other child again not acknowledging him in any form. never happened again!

Littlepurpleprincess Sat 29-Aug-09 13:23:52

He is to young for time out but you can do a 'younger version'. Remove him from the situation, say 'biting is not nice' once, firmly, then ignore him. When he is calm you can distract him. He will learn that biting does not get him what he wants.

It is normal so don't be embarassed. He may be frustrated because he does not yet have the words to say 'I am cross'. During play (not after he has biten or had a tantrum) you could talk about feelings or buy books about different feelings so he can pick up ways of discribing how he feels.

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