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DS nervous about starting secondary school - any tips?

(6 Posts)
brummiemummie Mon 24-Aug-09 16:10:00

Although he hasn't actually said anything to me, I can tell that DS is getting worried about starting Year Seven. He was very moody today when I suggested we go shopping for the rest of his uniform (we already have the tie and blazer as they have to be ordered from school, but I haven't been able to persuade him to go shopping for new shirts and trousers). He also seems to withdraw as soon as anyone starts talking about the new term or asks him a question about his new school.

Perhaps he is just being "teenage" but I rather suspect it is something deeper than that. I imagine he's probably quite worried about making friends as neither of his two best friends from primary school are going to this school, but most of the year are, so I think he feels he'll be seen as a bit of a "loner" iykwim.

I don't really know how to make him feel better about it though. His older siblings looked forward to starting there with their friends, so I haven't really had to deal with this before. If you've been through this with their DD/DS I'd be really grateful for your advice.


BM x

milknosugarplease Mon 24-Aug-09 17:16:40

hiya, didnt want to read and run. i remember in the weeks coming up to starting secondary school i was really nervous...i had no friends at the same school either so it felt horrible...turns out on the first day everyone else was in the same boat!

my mum was, like you, quite worried in the lead up to secondary school but for me i hated it when she went on at me "whats wrong etc"...he just needs some time to get his head round it-its a big step!

on my first day i had a really weird pencil case- flashing stars and everything0 loved it!-and strangely enought it was quite a good ice breaker! dont know if theres anything like that he can take?

good chance his school will do a bunch of getting to know each other stuff...of course the whole class will think its lame etc but they will be united in how they all think its lame!!

dont expect him to come bounding through the door on his first day having made loads of friends...chances are it will take a couple of days- took me over a week to talk to people-bu wont be a "loner"...theres plenty of other kids there to that will feel the same.

just remind him that they all feel like this before they star school, dont be to pushy trying to talk to him- he'll talk if he needs to, just let him know your there and dont show your worrying to....oh and your his mum- its mothers perogotive to worry!!

oh and the shopping for trousers etc- probably just making everything sink in a bit quicker, bare with him-he'll be fine!

sorry i know i rambled on- thought you might like to hear it from his point-ish!


milknosugarplease (who has just realised i started 2ndary school 10 years ago!...thought 21 was quite young now im feeling old!

brummiemummie Mon 24-Aug-09 18:12:44

Thanks milknosugarplease, that's really helpful.

There are lots of people he already knows but they are more acquantainces than friends so at least he will have someone to talk to. I will encourage him to make other friends though as I don't want him realising he doesn't like them halfway through the term and then getting stuck with them because everyone else has already made friends.

He plays rugby so I will encourage him to join the team, so he might make a few friends there too.

BM x

milknosugarplease Mon 24-Aug-09 19:53:48

hiya, no prolem

encouraging him to join the rugby team is a great idea, i joined the dramam club...wasnt very good at it but made some friends!...

also if he hangs around in a small group, chances are at least 1 or 2 will know other people and they may meet in the corridor when changing lessons etc, your son will also get to know these people and trheir friends-oneof my closest friends is someone i met in year 8 as a friend of a friend of a friend- we got bored waiting for them to stop talking so struck up a conversation...the rest as they say is history!!

settling into a new school takes time, encourage him to speak up for him self- i know it sounds silly but if your in a group of friends that want to do something you dont want to do but dont speak up and you end up following them where THEY want to go- it will make you miserable!

i bet even his friend who are at other schools- even if there in the same school are feeling like this as you never know who will be in your form!

give him a big hug...dont push him...let him do things at his own pace...he'll be ok

best of luck and HTH

milknosugarplease xx

Mamulik Wed 26-Aug-09 17:45:22

the best thing about secondary school is walking to school, said my DD1 and much more freedom as well.

milknosugarplease Thu 03-Sep-09 15:16:29

hiya, was just wondering if he's started yet? if so how did he get on?
milk xxx

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