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3 year old has terrible tantrums and aggression

(2 Posts)
mummyemily Mon 24-Aug-09 12:40:31

My 3yrs old son has these most terrible tantrums (usually associated when told no!) these can be anything from throwing himself on the floor screaming at me to kicking,hitting out, and today he ran away from me onto and up the road because i told him he had to come home from playing next door, i am at the end of my tether, i have tried the naughty step this didnt work he would do something and tell me he would go and sit in the step! i have tried taking toys away when he has misbehaved, do the go to your room, I always tell him why he is being punished and we always talk after whatever steps i have taken and i talk to him about why i did what i did. None of this seems to make a difference.
I have been told that because he is quite bright with normally excellent communication skills that it is bordom, that i need to do more with him but to be honest when he is like this i have no urge to take him to the park ect it seems to me that i am rewarding the bad behaviour. It has been suggested that because he is soo strong willing that a quick smack and sent to his room may be my only option - i am not sure about this one about smacking a child and secondly his temper - i used to tap his hand when he touched something he shouldnt but soon realised that it wasnt the best way as he started to smack my hand if he didnt want me to touch ie his toys? so would smacking him encourage his slightly aggressive behaviour?
I really have no idea what to do with him, i hate the idea we are at logger heads all the time and when i go out he just pays no attendsion to me and i am worried that this may lead to accidents or worse? please any ideas.

lljkk Tue 25-Aug-09 12:00:00

3yos don't respond to logic, ime.
Smacking only teaches them that smacking gets you what you want (so they are more likely to smack back or others), imho.
I wonder if it would help you to read one of the empathy-based parenting tomes like Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn -- WHICH, I hasten to add, I mostly despise -- But it's very much about understanding your child's perspective. Obviously the reward-punishment system isn't working for you, and UP is exactly about parenting without rewards/punishments.
I'm more of a Pick Your Battles person, tho' you have to set some absolute limits around safety issues. And 3yr olds just ARE hard work. Search for 'threenager' on previous MN threads for some moral support.

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