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DD is so polite, kind and well mannered I feel she will be walked all over

(28 Posts)
Jujubean77 Thu 20-Aug-09 16:53:59

I know this goes against the grain somewhat but I feel it is valid as a "concern" for me as a parent.

DD is nearly 2.5 and whilst she has her moments, she is around other children, unbelievably considerate. Too much so if that is possible.

Today at a playdate she walked passed the little boy and said "sorry, excuse me". She gives away her toys and will happily let them be grabbed off her and pushed and pulled around without a peep, she just walks back to me confused.

She makes the most polite, grown-up conversation it is almost funny and talks in the most quaint manner. She is affectionate and very gentle and kind especially with babies. It sounds mad but she is like an old soul and very sensible and can't understand what is quite "normal" behavior of this age group like shouting and tantruming and running riot.

Has anyone any experience of this kind of child? I am so worried about bullying. I love her to bits and don't want her idiosyncrasies to change but wish she would toughen up a bit for her own good really. She starts pre-school soon and I am concerned.

IneedacleanerIamalazyslattern Thu 20-Aug-09 17:12:47

My dd was/is exactly the same your descrition of old soul sums her up.
She never tantrumed, shouted, screamed anything she was laid back, happy being her and sooo polite.
She is nearly 6 now and is still the same when she speaks, still has the same great manners they are often commented on but she has found her temper and she is definately no push over now though.
She still a gentle soul, very affectionate and will gladdly share her things but is far better at sticking up for herself if she feels there has been injustice, starting nursery helped with the change a lot and the staff are generally pretty on the ball in these things when it comes to fairness and sharing proprly.

What I did in the situation you described was I would sort it out, usually it was friends children and they would say to the child not to grab the toys etc and to give them back but I have on occasion stepped in and done it at toddler groups and such. Not something I loved oing but I wanted to stick up for dd and try and encourage her to stick up for herself.

I know the worries you have I had all the same ones but if you gently encourage her by sticking up for her and telling her that is someone tries to take something off her to say "no i'm playing with that" she will get stronger.
She sounds just like my dd, enjoy your lovely little girl she sounds fantastic and believe me as she gets a little bit older she will find her voice a bit more.

Jujubean77 Thu 20-Aug-09 17:49:22

Thank you for your response. It is hard because this really isn't the norm, well not within my group anyway... glad to hear it is not too much of a magnet for bullying for your DD.

Jujubean77 Thu 20-Aug-09 18:26:54

can anyone else advise?

Tinfoil Thu 20-Aug-09 18:29:46

Sorry, no advice but it's a really interesting topic and I hope you get some more replies.

MadameOvary Thu 20-Aug-09 18:38:10

You know what? Even if (Gd forbid) she does get picked on, she sounds as if she has a strong enough sense of self to cope with it. Equally though she could find herself some like-minded souls and sail through school with a great peer group.

And of course, if she knows she is loved and supported by you - which she clearly does - then that will make a huge difference too.

Congratulations on having such a lovely DD, you are obviously a great Mum smile

ButtercupWafflehead Thu 20-Aug-09 18:39:36

No advice - came onto the thread to ask what your secret is grin

bloss Thu 20-Aug-09 19:09:44

Message withdrawn

slowreadingprogress Thu 20-Aug-09 19:15:33

your description of her is SO like my DS it's really spooky!!

I agree with Ineedacleaner that pre-school and school will be less worrying than you think because the staff are there to teach them all about social skills, and to step in all the time if there are problems. Reception year ime is all about ensuring the children get a good set of social skills - obviously there can be issues but i have found school always have stepped in to clamp down on any bad stuff.

I totally understand your worries though; ds is about to start juniors in Sept and to be honest lots of the kids could eat him for breakfast. He is so sweet natured and thinks everyone is genuine and wants to be nice which of course with some kids is SO not the case.

This is the hardest thing for me as a parent but once they go off to pre school etc you do have to let them make their own little way to some extent. It can be heartbreaking but they have to do it. You have to harden your heart just a little bit; life will not always be kind to them and other people can be nasty but it's necessary for them to make their way through this stuff.

I must say I can't bear to see DS sometimes - at the park for instance if some rude little oik pushes past to get on something he will politely step back - I want to get right in there for him!!!

Another thing to bear in mind is that at pre school and school, the virtues of kids like ours are very much appreciated; they love a child who already has social skills and who is polite! Her reports will be fantastic and you will be proud smile

Meglet Thu 20-Aug-09 19:22:55

juju my 2.9yo ds is a sweet little thing too. Always says please and thank you and hardly squabbles with his little friends. His nursery staff are always saying he is very polite and friendly smile.I do worry about him being bullied but he is going to be fairly tall and sturdy so he shouldn't get pushed around. I told him that when he is a big boy the teachers will be really impressed if he asks nicely for things at school.

IneedacleanerIamalazyslattern Thu 20-Aug-09 19:24:38

Totally true what slowreading said about these virtues being very much appreciated. DD has always had high praise from teachers because of this and has often been called on for important jobs because they are guaranteed she will behave eg royal visit to town she was picked to give flowers.

On the flip side of bloss my dd doesn't bruise that wasily from these knocks won't say these things never annoy or upset her but they don't bother her too much generally as her sunny nature generally means she will move on a play with someone else or just go oh whatever and go with the flow.
She was also the child that all the other kids in the nursery ran towards.

Jujubean77 Thu 20-Aug-09 19:26:07

Thank you all for your responses. MO thank-you for your kind comment and BW I think I must be owed this with some kind of good Karma as she didn't sleep for the first 15m grin

Bloss I suspect she will be just like your DD, sounds very similar in nature. DD doesn't understand when kids shout at her -as they do- and is just perplexed. I can see her being mortified at the bitchy stage girls get to, I guess I will just have to roll with this and accept her for who she is whilst teaching her to stand up for herself.

slowreadingprogress Thu 20-Aug-09 19:28:13

how funny - ds was/is popular as well

He once said to me as a 4 yr old reception pupil "why do all the other children crowd round me? why do they all want to play with me" followed by a deep sigh!

He's not the most popular kid in school or anything but I do think kids like him can be popular because of their thoughtfulness etc. And he clearly thinks he's the centre of the universe wink

MarshaBrady Thu 20-Aug-09 19:35:08

She sounds really lovely.

Ds is like this, and even from a very young age would be confused at why other children would snatch. And now at 4 he will stop other boys hitting younger ones, saying you have to be 'adult'. Is polite most of the time and the other day found a lost Ben 10 toy without any encouragement thought it best not to take it.

But he is still very well liked, children do run up to him (which can be overwhelming) and he has a strong sense of what is fair.

I think there is every chance your lovely dd will be very well liked, just try to find and stick with the nicer friends.

MarshaBrady Thu 20-Aug-09 19:36:25

And I should add a solid 'no I don't like that' etc can go a long way.

EccentricaUsesTheDMForBogRoll Thu 20-Aug-09 19:39:35

DD1 has always been like this. she's 13 now and sometimes i have to grit my teeth because she is being bossed around she has never had issues with nastiness and bullying. not even the norml catty girly falling outs that virtually all little girl groups have. she has a huge group of friends (mostly nice ones) and seems to be bvery well liked by everyone.
of course she has her hideous vile moments but generally she is just a thoroughly nice person.

DD2 on the other hand is mostly hidous and vile with occasional glimmers of niceness.

Acanthus Thu 20-Aug-09 19:46:01

My DS1 was like this - like a little old man when he was 3. He is very easy to parent because he is so emotionally literate and able to tell you what is going on. He makes friends easily. He does take things hard sometimes, but he's never been bullied. Don't try to change her, she is who she is, not who you would wish her to be (for the best of reasons) and she'll find her own way.

Mumcentreplus Thu 20-Aug-09 19:49:14

I think it's lovely she's like this..both my DDs are v polite..but DD1 is a bit 'if you treat me bad I don't like it'..DD2 just loves people and i don't want to change that about her..they both have lots of friends and admirers..don't worry just support her wink

blueshoes Thu 20-Aug-09 20:10:32

jujubean, I have no experience with such a child envy

Mumcentreplus Thu 20-Aug-09 20:17:18

DD1 is sensitive..when I went to her open evening the teachers were very proud of her because she took the new girl under her wing...then the new girl started to make her upset..I jst told her everyone is different and a good friend will treat her well..but I on't want to change her or her sister..they are kind,cool people

FluffySaysTheDailyMailsShite Thu 20-Aug-09 20:21:33

This sounds alot like my son, he's generous to his friends, he'll share his last chocolate with them if they asked. I wish I could say that school has been good for him but I can't. He's learned alot of lesson's, not all of them have been positive. He does have a problem when he's in a large group, he panics and can be silly. Socially he is inept and needs help with this as he's struggling to understand why others are mean to him and to others. He's 10 now. I really would say it depends on the school, if they take the time to help her then this will work out really well for her. She'll find her way but she'll need some support whilst she gets there. smile

hester Thu 20-Aug-09 20:24:51

She sounds absolutely lovely, jujubean.

A year ago, I would have said she sounded just like my dd. I was REALLY worried about how dd would cope with pre-school and picked a very small, calm one for her that I thought she could cope with. Their first term report on her was that she was, 'very shy, but gentle and considerate with the other children'.

One year on, my sweet shy dd has transformed. On the plus side, she no longer freezes in fear when other kids swarm round her; she is completely unfazed by them. But she has also become bossy, controlling and giving other kids a quick shove is not unknown.

I don't know whether or not this is an improvement grin

Mumcentreplus Thu 20-Aug-09 20:27:08

grin hester

Jan2 Thu 20-Aug-09 20:31:33

Just to say that my little DD (who was 2 in May) sounds very like your little girl!

She is VERY sensitive and always has been. She is also very articulate and caring. She did really well at her 2 year HV check in relation to understanding and communication etc - we were amazed at the results she got.

I think if they are more understanding and caring they feel upset more than others but on the positive side they are able to communicate really well at an early age and get their needs across so it's not all bad.

My DD starts pre school this September and I am very nervous but am hoping she will learn how to stick up for herself.

FluffySaysTheDailyMailsShite Thu 20-Aug-09 20:31:42

I'm in the process of trying to stop ds from appologising every time he sneezes (as he's "spreading his germs") {sigh}

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