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6yo DD bitchiness among friends - leave or wade in??

(10 Posts)
jessia Thu 20-Aug-09 10:43:41

My 6yo DD is having a rather full-on time with friends from preschool as we have a mini-playscheme at our house atm. There are 3 of them (a difficult number) and they are at each others' throats all the time. Constantly one or other crying or sulking because "she doesn't like me", "she wants to play with X not with me.." Standard stuff
There is a childminder in charge, doing admirably well, and I am attempting to work in my home office, but of course I hear it all. I sit on my hands but am constantly undecided as to whether I should bring my DD's cattiness up with her in the evening or just let it lie. I have told her if she feels she can't cope with it to walk away and go back later rather than get teary or sulky, but I know it's easier said than done for girls this age. But should I be clamping down more firmly on her bitchiness to them or leave them to sort it out?

AMumInScotland Thu 20-Aug-09 11:04:25

If they're all doing it, I'd leave it rather than make her feel she's being singled out for criticism. If anything, I'd probably sympathise with her for feeling her home has been invaded by people she can't really get away from! It must be fairly stressful for her. Obviously not easy for you either trying to work while being able to hear it! But it sounds fairly normal 6yo girl stuff to me.

jessia Thu 20-Aug-09 11:13:04

Thanks, I think your advice is more or less what I've been trying to do.
I realise it's stressful but in all honesty it's less stressful (for her) than a playscheme with kids she doesn't know in a place she doesn't know with carers she doesn't know.
I do give her sympathy, tell her to come for a cuddle when it all gets too much but she won't. She's paranoid about being left out and when she thinks she's in danger of being sidelined she gets all bossy and shouty...
The funny thing is, when mums come to collect in the afternoon, after 7 hours of being together, they're all clamouring to go for sleepovers at each others' houses!!

mrshibbins Thu 20-Aug-09 12:36:31

sounds like typical young girls unfortunately - mine and her friends have been hissy-fit princesses since reception are still doing it aged 8 ... I'm so hoping they will all grow out of it eventually.

I do talk to her about it though and tell her it's not a good way to behave, to to a response of 'but SHE blah blah blah blah blah' to which I say "I don't want to hear about it, I'm not interested in her, I'm only interested in you, and I want you to grow up a nice girl."

I must say i can't remember ever me or my mates being that catty when we were kids but maybe i'm remembering it all through a sunny haze of nostalgia

mrshibbins Thu 20-Aug-09 12:38:47

ha ha ha jessia - yes I know what you mean about the hypocrisy of the good-byes !!! they'll spend all afternoon arguing, stamping off and sulking in different corners, then cry when it's time to go. the little darlings grin

jessia Thu 20-Aug-09 13:42:13

Oh crap, three hours on, and what have I gone and done?
GO on, judge me:
Happened to be in kitchen as said DD and others were arguing next door over the space hopper (CM getting littlies ready for park), so when DD whacked friend round face with it and made her cry I marched in and demanded that she apologise. Cue screaming that she started it, I'm mean and always treat her bad, yadda yadda yadda, but stuck to my guns and insisted that she apologise first "because we NEVER hit". Eventually exacted apology from both - thank god my two have now gone off with Daddy and the others to the park. OK so I said I wouldn't interfere but I think I did right here... or not?

mrshibbins Thu 20-Aug-09 13:52:25

I think that hitting or smacking is VERY BIG no no and needs to be tackled immediately.

Demanding apologies from mine never works though ... she needs to go up to her room for time out to reflect and then apologise of her own volition ... otherwise all I get is a bolshy and insincere 'SORR-EEEE'

AMumInScotland Thu 20-Aug-09 13:54:46

Oh I think actual physical violence, while the CM wasn't there to deal with it, is different from the whinging, arguing and other bitchiness. You can't really ignore that sort of stuff.

jessia Thu 20-Aug-09 14:17:54

Yes Mrs H I would have loved to wait till she had calmed down a bit but the CM was trying to get the other kids out the door and it was either there and then or never (tomorrow would be too far off).
I think maybe I have gone wrong somewhere - reflection doesn't work for us. Apologies of own volition happen beautifully (don't even need to get involved) when things are low-key and relaxed but the atmosphere here is a bit fraught because there are so few kids (6 but have naturally separated into two groups of 3) stuck together 7 hrs a day, 5 days a week for 4 weeks.
But when they had all gone we had a lovely cuddle and made plans for what we're going to do all by ourselves over the weekend... smile

mrshibbins Thu 20-Aug-09 14:29:06

In the circs I expect I'd have done exactly the same ....

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