4 year old won't sit on toilet advice please

[magazinefiend]

My 4 year old DS talked late and potty trained late- he was 4 before i persuaded him out of nappies. although intelligent enough he is shy and very resistant to change. DS 2 on the other hand is not yet 2 and is counting, talking and trying to get on DS1's potty. both raised same way ( gentle, supportive, lots of praise no smacking ever)problem is DS1 due to start school in two weeks and still won't sit on toilet. i have tried encoragement and bribery all to no avail. Have established he has no fears of toilet, has step up, nice little seat etc etc but he is adamant and shouts if placed on it.Right now he is desperate for a wee and jiggling on sofa. Is it time to ditch the understanding and just take potty away? if he wasn't going to school i wouldn't worry but i can hardly send him off with his potty.

[2to3]

One of mine wouldn't use the toilet for ages. We got over it in different ways, and taking time to let him do it at his own pace. Reading books about children who use the toilet/are afraid to was good ("It hurts when i poop" and "Everybody poos" were favourites). Maybe you could find some showing children going to the loo at the library to help normalise the issue and show that everybody does it.

In my experience (with a 3 year old who shat his pants consistently for about 6 months) forcing the issue just makes it worse. Going back into nappies gets you nowhere. Star charts worked very well - he liked getting stickers for both wees and poos. Motivation is key - you could tempt him with a favourite sweetie for using the loo and then move on to stickers.

Maybe back off completely for the first week and let him use the potty as usual. You could try moving it a bit closer to the loo every day until it's just outside the door. Then in week 2 you could start gently talking about how all the children at school use the toilet and that there are no potties there, so maybe he'd like to practise a bit at home before he starts?

Maybe he'd feel comfortable with his own portable toilet seat - we borrowed one that folded up into a little bag and that was magic for learning to use the toilet out and about. Talk to the teacher as well - he will need support and I'm sure they are so used to this issue that they'll be pleased to hear that you are at least working on it together. Good luck!

[ilovetochat]

my dd refused to use the toilet at home, always wanted her potty everywhere and didnt like her small training seat.
one day i took her to a party and didnt take the potty. when she asked for the potty i told her i hadnt got it and showed her the toilet. she said no so i said she had no choice and if she had an accident she would have to go home and miss the party.
she used the toilet and had used the toilet ever since.
i would just remove the potty, better to have accidents now than at school.

[Egg]

My (recently potty trained) DS1 always preferred his potty when we were at home and would use it even if the loo was nearer. One day I moved it into the downstairs loo to hide it and told him he had to use the actual loo from now on (had mentioned to him a few times that the loo was preferable beforehand). So then he used to go into the loo, get the potty, wee in it and tip the wee into the loo himself, often missing...

So I hid the potty in the loft.

He now wees on the loo all the time.

I think even though your DS1 may have the odd accident at first, hiding the potty is the best plan as, like ilovetochat says, better to get the accidents out of the way in the next couple of weeks and he will most likely be fine by school.

[terramum]

Would he stand up to wee? My DS never sits to wee unless he poos at the same time...has always stood up like his Daddy

[danthe4th]

Remove the potty, be very matter of fact and say its gone, put up a star chart, be ready with rewards.Get it sorted now before school, be ready with changes of clothes to put in the school bag, it will sort itself out.Don't talk about it too much he has to be able to sort himself out at school so best to let him learn now.Just be ready to habd him a change of clothes if he has an accident.Sometimes we have to be a little bit cruel to be kind and don't feel guilty for it.

[magazinefiend]

Hurrah!
Thanks everyone i took potty away had a horrible day yesterday with lots of tears and tantrums but today have a very proud little boy using toilet properly
it helped that people confirmed my thought that i had to bite the bullet. Its done now and has only cost me one wet floor incident and alot of jellybabies.

[Egg]

Yay well done!

Mine has just started weeing standing up this weekend . He is now very proud too!