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I feel like a crap mum ...

(7 Posts)
josben Thu 13-Aug-09 21:39:32

I have 3 dc's and feel so lacking in confidence about my parenting skills - my main worry is DD1 who has only just turned 3 years old - she is the youngest of 3 - (2 older brothers age 8 and 7) and can be so assertive/agressive with her brothers and other children - she is a late speaker and finds it difficult to articulate whats she wants to say well - I think this is a big part of the problem - I have seen a speech therapist with her and we were discharged as the S& L didn;t think it was much of a problem....

We have been to a pub with a garden this evening and she was being a bit boisterous - another mother told me she had pushed her son down the slide - he wasn;t crying or anything. But that sort of thing happens alot. I try to talk to her, tell her off - i've just started a star chart too to hope this helps her behaviour. She also finds it hard to communicate with other children - she doesn't really play with ohter children and sort off does her own thing - always something physical ( she doesn;t like reading books etc)

I feel a bit down about tings and it all seems a bit hopeless, not sure what to do next? sad

fruitshootsandheaves Thu 13-Aug-09 21:53:31

Not very good at advice but didn't want your thread to go unanswered.
The only thing I can suggest is to give her some more physical things to do. Maybe get a climbing frame or a small trampoline, somewhere that she can burn off energy rather than taking it out on her brothers.

Some of it is probably frustration in not being able to comunicate very well. My DS is older but similar in some ways as he still doesn't read at 8 and gets very frustated and physical if he can't understand something so I can sympathise.

HTH

SparkyFartDust Thu 13-Aug-09 21:57:19

can you tell me what the SLT said as her rationale for discharging your DD?

Did you feel that the assessment you received enabled your little girl to reflect her skills and needs? Did the SLT see the little girl that you know and did the SLT listen to your concerns?

I only ask because it reads as if you are left feeling unsupported and as if you still have questions about her language & communication skills.

It sounds to me as if you are parenting well but that things are hard at the moment. You are trying to talk, explain and praise good behaviour.

what does your gut tell you to do?

josben Thu 13-Aug-09 22:02:41

I don't know - I think i am trying to be postive and think that it maybe a phase and things will get better - but they don't seem to be?? The SLT did see DD - the SLT said that she was just like a little boy! Maybe I need to stop expecting her to be a gentle and girlie ? I don't know? But i wish she could communicate better with other children...

SparkyFartDust Thu 13-Aug-09 22:28:27

You are right in thinking things are likely to get better.

However, it sounds as if you are concerned.

If you are looking for where to next then I suppose you have some options.

you could continue setting firm boundaries/ praising good behaviour when it happens and reflecting on this later with star chart/ rehersing desired behaviour e.g. 'we are going to the park and you are going to have fun. we are going to play well with other children and take turns on the slide.'

Does she have a friend who she is close to, or is there someone who she has positive play time with? If so, great encourage it but in short play sessions so that she can feel some success with her interactions.

If not then you could try and set aside 5 minutes 3 times a week where you and she have time playing together, on your own (you may be doing this already). She might enjoy the attention particularly if you take the prssure of by letting her come up with the ideas and comment on her play using simple, positove language.

Does your dd go to nursery or are there plans to send her? If so you might see a big shift then, or if not staff should be able to support you/ she further.

If you try all these things and more and feel you need some help and that there is little progress then I would ring up the SLT department (sooner rather than later) and ask to talk to the manager about your concenrs.

maddysmummy Fri 14-Aug-09 10:22:05

Message withdrawn

magazinefiend Sat 15-Aug-09 14:26:14

I don't think there are any mothers out there who haven't felt like a crap mum at some time or another and often on a daily basis. It sounds like you are doing everything you can do. your daughter is bound to have a more 'boyish' way of interacting with other children with older brothers to copy.

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