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tearing my hair out with fighting siblings, please help !!!

(17 Posts)
lulalullabye Mon 10-Aug-09 23:36:11

Ok, dd1 3.5, dd2 2. Constant fighting, hair pulling and slapping, mostly by dd2. They are constantly taking each others toys and winding each other up.

I have tried most things, and now we have a complete tv ban in daylight hours. They are regularly taken out to the park and entertained indoors, but they continue.

They are always crying and are now hurting my ears !!

Seriously though, has anybody got any tips on how to help them sort out their woes grin

kitkatqueen Tue 11-Aug-09 00:40:17

Hiya,

Have been tearing hair out too!

can only tell you what i'm trying

dd1 5, dd2 3, ds1 20mnths.

dd1 &2 constantly winding each other up since begining of hols.

Was getting very, very stressed.

Neither child has been on naughty step for anything for ages. They have now

I refuse to let them get me stressed.

Everytime they purposefully do something to irritate hurt or annoy they go on the step. In the last 3 days it has dropped to almost nothing.

Good Luck...

lulalullabye Tue 11-Aug-09 08:15:50

That sounds like a plan. I will try it and let you know. It is hard at times to remember that you are the adult and you need to rise above it, instead of screaming like a banshee grin

kitkatqueen Tue 11-Aug-09 14:58:15

grin Its finding myself screeeching out the windows thats particularly attractive blush

screamingabdab Tue 11-Aug-09 17:25:31

There's another sibling thread on here today ........

Top Tips :

1) Separate them

2) Hide in the kitchen flicking them the Vs from behind a cupboard. I found that helped a lot

grin

bargainhuntingbetty Tue 11-Aug-09 17:28:09

This could be me that started this thread although my dd's are 8 and 6. I am having to referee and therefore 'choose' between my children which is not good. I will be drawing up a list of rules soon and discussing it with them and if one starts it and the other one retaliates etc they will both be punished. I am not being drawn into it any more. Fortunetely we only have a week left of the hols and then they are back to school

Barmymummy Tue 11-Aug-09 17:36:50

Yep snap. Mine are 6 and 4 and they are continually 'play kicking' that turns into real kicking that turns into scratching that turns into tears that turns into screaming banshee mother grin September pleeeeease hurry up.....

screamingabdab Tue 11-Aug-09 17:42:16

bargainhunting Mine are 6 and 8 now, and get on pretty well most of the time (now).They used to fight horrendously (biting, pinching, etc, etc ). You are so right about not getting drawn in.

One thing I have found that can work, is when you hear a row, go in to them, and say "I know you are old enough and sensible enough to sort this out between you. I will give you 5 minutes to sort it out, without shouting, or I will come in his an sort it myself/take whatever-it-is you are arguing about away!"

When I have managed to get in before the argument has gone ballistic, and if I manage to keep myself very calm, I have found this has worked amazingly well.

Another thing we do, is when the row has calmed down, have a meeting about it, to discuss calmly how each person feels. Each person gets a turn to speak, and I give them a wooden spoon to hold (which they find very funny). While they are holding the spoon, they can't be interrupted. I then give a summary of what's been said, and then everyone apologises and shakes hands. Sounds a bit mental, but also works to make everyone feel listened-to.

screamingabdab Tue 11-Aug-09 17:43:28

BTW, I wouldn't use the wooden spoon for every row, as you'd be in constant "meetings" wink

bargainhuntingbetty Tue 11-Aug-09 17:44:34

Great ideas screaming

juuule Tue 11-Aug-09 17:56:28

To the op, not sure why there's a tv ban.

With a 2yo and a 3yo I think you have to be ready to intervene when you see it going pear-shaped. Distraction can still work at this age. Reasoning with and getting them onside to help can work. Sitting with them and giving them attention or getting them to help you with whatever you are doing usually makes the mood better for us.

What if you get them to help get a picnic together and either have it on the floor in the front room with their teddies (or whatever favourite soft toy). Or get the picnic and settle down to a film with them.

They are only young yet and don't have the skills to resolve their differences. They need you to show them how.

Depending on the situation could you get them to take turns with things and oversee that they do get their share of time with whatever they are arguing over.
If it can't be settled and they still argue take the object of the argument away and explain why.

screamingabdab Tue 11-Aug-09 17:59:46

Everyone Sorry, should have made it clearer, my tips were for older children (sorry OP)

NewDKmum Tue 11-Aug-09 19:18:37

Hiya. I have 2 dd's same ages as yours.

I agree with juuule, that showing them how to "take turns" is essential - and much easier for them to understand than "you have to share...".

Also a lot of explanation how the other child feels, i.e. "no hair pulling - it hurts dd1 - look she's crying".

And showing them how to interact positively, i.e. "if you want the toy your sister is playing with, find something to offer as a swap".

I have never used naughty step - very adverse to it. They should treat each other nicely because, so as not to hurt the other person, not because otherwise something bad will happen to themselves.

The above works well for us, but obviously just one person's point of view . Hope it gets better for you soon!

juuule Tue 11-Aug-09 19:20:31

Agree with what NewDkmum says.

socrosstonight Tue 11-Aug-09 20:50:57

Just wanted to send you empathy. My two have been driving me mad over the holidays. i have another thread here which is sort of about this. My children (DD 5, DD 3) fight/argue virtually all the time. It drives me nuts. The best advice I have been given here though is to not overdo the punishments (which is esp true of your kids as they are so young) but to keep calm and acknowledge their feelings. Really hard to be the grown up and i constantly fail that particular test but remember how much they will copy with your way of coping with your anger etc. Check out my thread 'my five year old is wilful, rude and aggressive' and you will see what I mean.

lulalullabye Tue 11-Aug-09 22:46:17

Thanks for all your tips. The problem really is with dd2, she is going through the aggressive, throwing thing phase. As for the naughty step, have tried it, she just sits there playing hmm. Have tried the sharing, distraction, cake making, crafts, cleaning the house etc etc etc and only helps a little. It doesn't help that dd2 is waking at about 5.30 and they share a room, so dd1 is having to wake up as well (and the rest of the house).

Anyhow, that is a whole different thread. I find that if I don't have the tv on at all during the day, there is a slightly calmer atmosphere.

Battle on, but I like the hiding behind the cupboard and flicking 'v' sign grin

KTNoo Tue 11-Aug-09 22:57:19

Sympathy, this is hard stage. I think soon they will be better at sorting it out themselves. By the time mine were about 5 and 3 I could mostly leave them to it (unless there was blood wink).

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