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How to Stop Step son hitting

(8 Posts)
Princess1976 Mon 10-Aug-09 11:09:08

Step son is unhappy that his parents have separated and is now worse since his dad has moved in with me and my son, age 6. We know he is jealous and we try and arrange one on one time with him and his dad. Step son is now hitting on a daily basis if something doesnt go his way. Other children wanted to watch a different DVD than him so he hit them. He lost at tennis so he hits. someone cheated at a game, he hit them. We have tried everyting and we are now considering splitting up. need help x

rubyslippers Mon 10-Aug-09 11:10:35

how old is he?

how long ago was the separation?

it seems drastic to consider splitting over this

edam Mon 10-Aug-09 11:13:24

To add to Ruby's questions, what do you do when he hits?

Princess1976 Mon 10-Aug-09 11:19:21

He is 8, Parents separated 2 years ago. His dad and I have been together a year. The hitting has been there from the start of our relationship, but over the last couple of months it is now on a daily basis. We only have him weekends and all we seem to do is tell him off. He has time outs for 8 minutes, we have tried taking is toys away from him. His younger sister is 6 and my son is 6. They are scared of him and now only play the games he wants to or else they will get hit. Sometimes they wind him up, take the mickey out of him (like kids do, which is wrong), but he hits them and ends up being the one told off. We seem to forget that they may have started it

rubyslippers Mon 10-Aug-09 11:23:01

"all we seem to do it tell him off"

this is a child who also needs some positive reinforcing of his good behaviour - he can't be badly behaved all the time

if time out isn't working, then change tactic

at this age, surely removal of some priveliges is more appropriate?

you also need to appropriately sort out the beahviour of the 6 year olds and show him that you don;t tolerate their behaviour

i think your DSS should spent some time each weekend doing somthing HE wants and then does something everyone else wnats - this way he gets to do good stuff and he may calm down?

maybe some one to one time with your DP as well? even an hour of kikcing a ball around?

VinegarTits Mon 10-Aug-09 11:27:27

Maybe his dad needs to sit down and have a chat to him? explain why hitting is wrong, and tell him next time he feels like hitting out or feels angry, to come and talk through it with his dad, it may have got to a point where it is a habbit with him, he hits out automatically without thinking, he needs to break the habbit and learn how to vent his anger in other ways.

Princess1976 Mon 10-Aug-09 11:39:31

Thanks. To be honest we are both emotionally drained. have had the weeked from hell.

Hitting is the main problem - will try some different techiques to change that.

DSS also strops and is miserable if he doesnt get his own way. Not just a little strop, this can go on all day. Went out for a picnic yesterday, took football, kite, hoops, bubble machine. after a couple of hours he was bored and wanted to go home, everyone else was having a great time so we stayed. from then on DDS changed, was miserable, hated everyone and started hitting and pushing.

I cant let him have his own way but just dont know what to do.

Ruby - will try some positive praising and try doing something HE wants to do. See if that makes a difference

edam Mon 10-Aug-09 11:57:59

Try vinegar's idea too. It may help if you can get him to recognise the trigger point where he's about to get angry, and find a safe place for him to go to punch a few cushions or something.

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