Wits end with 13 month old

[DoThisDoThat]

Hi all. I feel terrible about writing this but really need some reassurance that this is going to stop some time...

DS3 is 13 months old. He is shockingly temperamental - won't sit in a high chair, tantrums at nappy change/clothes change, screams in his car seat, throws his dummy out when in said car seat then screams ( so high pitched, it makes your ears bleed..), screams when being strapped in to pushchair. Basically, any type of "interference" in what he wants to do sets him off in a paddy - rolling around screaming, breath holding - he even pulls his hair out when he's really pissed off. What's going on????

Someone tell me their one year old is a nightmare too. It's really getting me down - I feel so irritated at him and then think he thinks I don't love him. Oh God, I'm being neurotic now..

HELP!

[whomovedmychocolate]

Well at least he's spirited

Seriously, how old are the other kids. DS is quite like this (he's 1) and he gets most of it from his big sister who tantrums a lot at the minute (she's nearly three).

I'm afraid the old 'ignore, ignore' is the only way to deal with it.

I find it loathsome when they do the starfish move when you are trying to get them into your car seat btw, it's amazing how stiff a very small person can become!

[thisisyesterday]

hehe WSS

and get yourself a copy of "raising your spirited child"

[DoThisDoThat]

Big brothers are 4 and 5 and (relatively) well behaved..

[whomovedmychocolate]

He's probably really pissed off because he sees them doing cool things and can't manage it. Try giving him bricks to stack. Worked for me - he could master it and was quite happy for a few hours.

My DSs favourite trick now is to jump out from behind the sofa and roar at you DD taught him this

[hairymelons]

My DS has just started to have some really impressive tantrums. He's also 13mo and I wasn't expecting this just yet
He goes totally stiff, arches his back, clenches his fists, goes PURPLE in the face and screams. Nice.
I've ordered a few parenting books but in the meantime we're going for either distract or ignore. He does seem to pipe down when ignored.
And, hey, at least we're getting a bit of practise in before they can swear at us!

[slowreadingprogress]

I'd agree with ignore as far as you possibly can but it doesn't have to be done in a 'punitive' way - I sometimes gave ds a sympathetic look and told him I was sorry he was feeling so bad. It never helped but I feel it is always good to have your feelings recognised and has to be appreciated on some level! Even so, that would be it, I would ignore for totally unreasonable tantrums.

I definitely recommend a 'path of least resistance' approach with a nightmare spirited child like this, eg if nappy changes are a nightmare then go over to pull ups and just get clever wiping poo with them standing! Save treats for the going in the car seat moment etc. If highchair is a problem try a booster seat instead and see if that helps

Once you've made all the adjustments you can then I do think you've got to just ignore.

and btw It's ok to feel irritated with a totally unreasonable, selfish little being who is not embarrassed to thrash around on the floor to get what they want!!!! Don't agonise. He knows you love him

[IDreamOfJeannie]

My DD was a lot like this at a similar age. In fact I remember starting a thread or two about it at the time asking for advice.

However, she is now 2 and loads better. I think now she can communicate she's a lot happier. Also she's old enough to do some of the things she couldn't do before.

I think a lot of her tantrums when she was 1 were pure frustration.

[meandjoe]

My ds was just like that! He always hated the car saet and screamed when I put him in the pushchair. Never really got used to the high chair and would eat very little in it before crying to come out. He was just difficult with everything, couldn't dress him without him screaming, nappy changes were horrendous, moving him away from somewhere he wanted to go would just result in blood curdling screams so it was impossible to do anything with him!

He was just really aware and spirited. He just turned 2 and is LOADS better. Sits in the car seat absolutely fine now cos he can chat about things and dance to the radio etc! Fine in oushchair too although he walks most places. Dressing is OK too usually although still sometimes has a bit of a whinge about having to put his socks on but only maybe once a week if that. Basically he chilled out loads when he could talk and understand that going in the car/ buggy meant we were going somewhere fun and getting dressed meant that we could go and play etc. He understands the motives behindme doing these things now so he kind of just accepts it. Sounds like your ds is just frustrated and is probably very very clever and just wants to understand more than he is able to. It will pass as most awful phases do!