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Should my h.v be able to help with this or should i be coping with it ??

(13 Posts)
nutcracker Tue 24-May-05 20:32:24

My dd2 has always been difficult for me to handle and she is now 5 with no improvment infact imo she has got worse.

Just before she started school last september, I asked my h.v for help with her behaviour as I felt I wasn't coping well at all. She reffered dd for a hearing test, which she passed and so then the h.v wasn't interested. She basically said that she would settle down once at school and it was her age etc etc.

The biggest prob, is that dd is almost perfect at school. When she was at nursery her teachers did not believe that she behaved in the terrible way i described until one of them actually saw her in action outside of nursery one day and she was very shocked.
Because she is sooooo good at school I think that people either think it must be my fault because she only does it at home or that I'm simply maing it all up.

I have searched time and time again for a parenting class for me to do to help me cope with her but there are non in this area.

I'm just so sick of picking her up from school and having to deal with a full blown tantrum minutes later.

Should I be able to get help for this or not do you think ???

foolysh Tue 24-May-05 20:33:53

Health visitors don't have remit over school age children. Ask the school for guidance?

nutcracker Tue 24-May-05 20:38:37

Oh right. Well the school don't have any probs with her behaviour so they won't help.

Twiglett Tue 24-May-05 20:41:10

then ask your gp for a referral

colette Tue 24-May-05 20:42:46

I went to a few positive parenting classes set up by hv. It is based on the "driving mum and dad mad" that was on tv. Some of it was obvious , and some was pretty good. They have made videos as well which may help you.

Sorry I am not sure what the videos are called .
Ask your hv again for further help , especially as it has got worse. DS is puking again have to go, good luck

sassy Tue 24-May-05 20:43:47

Ask your gp nutty. If you push hard enough (or cry ) they should be able to point you in the direction of some help.
Is there something the two if you could do together to try and break cycle of grottiness? e.g. she joins rainbows, you go as a helper etc? That way you would see her 'good' behaviour and might be able to build on it at home.
(Feel free to ignore this, BTW!)

sassy Tue 24-May-05 20:44:31

X-posted with Twiglett.

foolysh Tue 24-May-05 20:48:51

I went to ParentTalk class (free, run thru churches, but not at all religiuous). I got some good things out it. Also, what about Surestart, or these positive parenting people ?

nooka Tue 24-May-05 20:49:48

Hi Nutcracker,
My ds is the other way around, so it was the school driving things for us. You could try asking to see the school nurse (takes over from the health visitor when children start school) but you may find it simpler to talk to your GP. They can both make referrals for your dd into health services if that's what's required, your GP should also know about local parenting classes and other possible options.

I do have a friend whose ds is Oppositional Defiant and horrible at home but very quiet at school, so I don't think it's totally unusual, and yes you should be able to get help.

Good luck!

nutcracker Tue 24-May-05 20:52:17

Thanks for the replies. She is already going to be seeing a clinical psychologist next week over her possible OCD but I didn't really want to bring it up then as it is only a 20 minute appointment whilst we wait 12mths to be seen properly.

Don't want them to think i came for one thing but end up going on about something else.

titchy Tue 24-May-05 21:40:58


It might be worth mentioning to thhe Psych. It may be related to tbe OCD, and in any case if the Psych. suggests some sort of behaviour therapy for the OCD they need to know what her other issues are so they can sort out asuitable for of therapy - not good sorting out her OCD if they make her other behaviour ten times worse - the two need to be done together.

just a thought.

Davros Tue 24-May-05 22:18:51

Nutty, I think you should tell them about the behaviour and it happening after school. Its all part of the whole picture, could give them clues about anxiety for instance. Those sort of classes mentioned and presentations certainly sound worth doing if you can find something local but it sounds, with the OCD taken into account, like its more than just having learnt to rule the roost! Def mention it to Psychologist as that is the very person I would suggest you ask to see! I would also make appt with GP just in case. Forget HV, they don't generally have a clue about anything much beyond the usual and this one sounds not worth wasting time on. Good luck, don't hold back!

nutcracker Wed 25-May-05 13:39:31

Thanks so much for the replies.

I will mention it to the psychologist as something has to be done about it wether it is by me or someone else.
The thing that has always worried me with her, is that if she didn't start to calm down a bit then i wouldn't be able to control her as she got older and bigger and since she started kicking me yesterday for some trivial reason I think we both need help with this.

I have also noticed that as she is now very comfortable at school and adores her teachers, that she may be starting to test the boundries there too because she has been told off a few times in the past week.

Dp reckons I am not strict enough with her, and that may be true but tbh I don't think she cares how strict I am or not with her, she doesn't care what she loses as a result of her behaviour because I don't think she connects the two things at all.

Sorry I am waffling again now.

Thanks anyway, and i'll let you know how I get on.

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