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How many tantrums do average 2 year olds have and why?????

(14 Posts)
savagepearl Tue 04-Aug-09 12:36:37

OK, I know it's a bit like asking how long is apiece of string but was just wondering what other people's experiences are.

Just read a rather amusing thread on illogical toddler tantrums and whilst it has reassured me some what

I am still ever so slightly worried about my dd! She turned 2 last week but has never ever been easy going,

even as a baby she screamed and screamed on and off all day every day for no apparent reason sometimes.

Anyway as a toddler she seems pretty much the same!

Her language isn't fantastically clear but she is putting sentences together and has about 100 words

albeit with lots of slurring and me having to interpret for her.

She just seems to have such a temper. She seems to sulk and if you try and ask her what's wrong she either just says 'no' and turns away or bursts into tears.

Often I really can't figure out why. She hates not beong able to touch everything and anything,

had a huge tantrum earlier because her Grandad wouldn't pass her the salt pot off te table hmm.

It just seems endless. She won't hold my hand so basically if we go in a shop I have to pick her up and endure screaming or else she just trashes the place!

Won't go in the buggy anymore and was never keen on it even when tiny.

Everytime we take her to people's houses she wants to go out side and has a big strop when it's time to come in or

when she can't go through people's kitchen cupboards or up their stairs etc etc.

She has a tantrum when it's time to get dressed or put shoes on. Tantrum when I brush her teeth, tantrum at coming out the bath, it's just non stop.

She sleeps 13 hours a night and still has an hour nap so it's not tiredness. Had her to doctors when a baby to check for underlying problems but they said she was fine just 'feisty'.

She never ever sits still, won't sit in my lap, just wants to run around all the time. I am really wondering if she is hyperactive although

all toddlers are energetic so I am not sure.

I heard my MIL at dds birthday party last week saying what a 'miserable bugger' dd normally is and what a change it was to see her smiling at her new toys.

It broke my heart because I know she's difficult and people must just see her as being awful which is just so unfair for a 2 year old to be labled as a miserable bugger by her own Grandma sad.

pasturesnew Tue 04-Aug-09 12:57:57

I think your DD sounds well within the range of normal and feel really sad that your mum is labelling her "difficult" or "miserable" at such a young age. If you're going to label her at all then maybe "independent" and "energetic" are more helpful.

DS (34m) had about 5 little tantrums this morning before nursery, I think because he hadn't slept enough last night. Luckily they don't last that long. My friend's DD at the same age kicked off just as frequently but her tantrums were more full-on each time. She's grown out of it now though.

FYI the reasons given for DS' tantrums this morning and my responses were as follows:
- don't want to get dressed: conversational distraction about how to balance on a beam in the playground
- don't want that T-shirt: continued above distraction whilst dressing him
- want to watch a particular cartoon on TV: well, it's not on, I'm not in charge of that, we'll have to write to the schedulers later and see how they respond
- want a power band (like on the TV, his is a loo roll): it's not ready yet (still got paper on it!)
- want that (my) breakfast (porridge, exactly the same as his): put some maple syrup on it and put his spoon back in his bowl

I feel like I am constantly offering bribes e.g. you can have [a biscuit / watch TV / a story] later if you [are quiet now / sit at the table to eat your dinner / go in your big bed] or threats e.g. if you [don't have a bath / stay in your bed] you will [not get a story / go in your cot] etc. and he seems to respond to this but it doesn't really seem like the right thing to do and I'm looking for ways to communicate with him in a less dictatorial manner.

I have just got a book called "How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk" which seems to be full of really sensible suggestions but I haven't put it into practice yet except for their tip about writing things down, which has been helpful e.g. writing a letter to the TV schedulers!

pasturesnew Tue 04-Aug-09 12:59:15

sorry meant your MIL not your mum

moomaa Tue 04-Aug-09 13:09:34

I think your DD sounds normal too! My DS can be a right one at times, we seem to have good weeks and bad weeks so I do get to see a calmer boy at times but have friends whose children are non stop. On bad days everything will be a battle, like pastures new feel I am always offering bribes although it is usually things he would get anyway, like 'come to the toilet, then you can have milk'.

He says 'no' and 'go away' a lot too. He is good at people's houses normally and plays nicely with his little sister but does play with his poo when he can They all have their challenges....I try and stay consistent and firm. He is lovely really though and he will grow out of this and so will your DD too.

moomaa Tue 04-Aug-09 13:10:37

Meant to so, what is your/DPs personality's like? I say that because when my DS is being a pain I recognise some of my own traits!

theblackcat Tue 04-Aug-09 13:20:53

Your DD sounds normal to me My DD very similar. She's been like this since she turned one, she's two now.

Funny thing is I was staying at my mums recently and told her that I thought DD's tantrums had got loads better recently.

My mum said that from her (and other people's) point of view they hadn't, but I've probably just got so used to them I ignore them easily and switch off.

I think my mum's right blush

sb9 Tue 04-Aug-09 14:12:12

My lo has been the same since about 6 months, she has no patience whatsoever and gets really angry. We stayed at a hotel one night and the staff knocked on the door to ask if we needed an ambulance for our lo as she was screaming so much!!!

Just hard when you see other kids or mix with other mums who say theirs does the same but its quite clear they are not half as hard work as ours. I just think she is very independent and strong willed and we try to be consistant, not give in to her 'demands' and distract her. Its hard work but think this may get us through fingers crossed...

savagepearl Tue 04-Aug-09 15:12:36

Thanks to you all. Moomaa, as a baby and toddler I was apparently very very placid and as a child I was relatively easy

going but was the youngest of 4 so maybe I just had to conform! As an adult I do have a bad temper (not in a violent way but just as

in little things really make my blood boil, things that perhaps shouldn't!)

DH is very very laid back and easy going unless he's tired, then he's just like dd so maybe she's just taking after us! Valid point!

I think it's just hard cos with her birthday party we had to be constantly on tantrum patrol and we were actually just unable to enjoy it, especially after mil comments.

Pleased that from the sound of it she does sound 'normal' but sometimes it's just so hard work and I feel like I am just spending

my life bribing her or asking her to do something else instead of what she wants to do just to distract her 24/7.

I really hoped after babyhood she would be slightly less demanding with less tears and screaming.

Seems as bad as ever some days!

sleeplessinstretford Tue 04-Aug-09 16:15:06

so far today my dd2 (22months) refused breakfast shouting 'no' repeatedly-placated her by taking her to the park,where she crawled down the path to the playpark bit screaming 'buggy' (her friend was pushing her dollies buggy at the time)friend duly handed over said buggy,my little treasure picked it up and threw it screaming 'no' went into the playpark where she screamed 'no play park' and ran from piece of equipment to piece of equipment shouting 'no swings children' 'no slides children' brought her home where she refused lunch-passed her cup of milk,stuck her in cot,after about 40mins of me going back to her screaming she fell asleep and is still asleep.
I can't fucking WAIT for her to wake up...sad
she is either utterly adorable or a total nightmare-it's not really the number of tantrums but the length of them-this one was going since about 6.40 this morning to 13.42.
yesterday was similar...
she is a breathholder too,has been since she was nine months old-it's nice she has a hobby.

screamingabdab Tue 04-Aug-09 18:01:19

savagepearl. What you wrote about DD being "miserable" struck a chord. My DS1 was INCREDIBLY tantrummy, from around 2 to 4 (sorry, I know you don't want to hear that). He was also quite a "serious" baby.

He used to have the most dramatic, scary tantrums, at least 2 every day including (memorably) banging his head on the floor outside a cafe because he wanted to go in and I had said No. He was just very intense and stubborn. A tantrum could be set off by pretty much anything, and I still don't quite know what I could have done differently to get him out of one, except perhaps not worry so much about him being abnormal, and, most importantly, NOT TAKE IT PERSONALLY (hard to do with your first). His too, could last an hour or so.

DS2 however, was easy to distract out of a tantrum, and I was also more relaxed with him, but on the whole I just think some DCs are more intense than others.

I was a breathholder too ......

He is a lovely 8 year old now, and that intensity has translated into thoughfulness and good concentration

screamingabdab Tue 04-Aug-09 18:04:43

Try this book :

"Tiger and the temper tantrum" Picture book to read together.

and a book called "Tantrums", from the "Last Straw Strategies" range. Good, solid, easy to read tips.

"How to talk ....." Is good too, but arguably for older, more verbal children

screamingabdab Tue 04-Aug-09 18:06:23

Also (sorry), do not underestimate the effects of Hunger, and Tiredness in causing tantrums. DS2 is a differnt child when he's on a sugar low

RumourOfAHurricane Tue 04-Aug-09 18:22:46

Message withdrawn

sleeplessinstretford Tue 04-Aug-09 21:33:11

well mine woke up and was quite sweet for erm about an hour,vile for 2 more,sweetness and light at her grandparents when we nipped round for a cup of tea then ended the day by hurling a shit in a potty at me,which was nice... some days i am really glad we don't have a carpeted lounge.

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