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(21 Posts)
haven Mon 23-May-05 22:01:18

i just had to post this....for about 3-4 months have have been soooo worrried about ds....he was way delayed and even the speech teach thought there was no way he would catch up before he turned 2 maybe not until three....NOT!!!!

ds will be 2 on the 16th of JUNe and he is almost on target....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i posted this for any mom that is worried...i'm not saying don't worry....i feel that if i wouldn't have been worried and took the proper precautions he may not have made it, but he has...

part of me believe only the grace of GOD could have allowed this to happen....i prayed everyday to let everything be o.k.....he is the little boy that i always knew was in there...

just a word or hope...

Hulababy Mon 23-May-05 22:03:52

kama Mon 23-May-05 22:09:49

Message withdrawn

charleepeters Mon 23-May-05 22:10:34

yay for your ds!

jenkins88 Tue 24-May-05 00:03:01

Haven that is such a lovely positive message. I'm also very worried about my ds development but he is a bit older than yours at 3.4 years. I hope you don't mind me asking but did he have any delays other than speach?

haven Tue 24-May-05 13:52:57

at 20 months he was still very far behind socially, he was at around a 10 months olds 18 months he still showed no interest in learning anything...he didn't learn how to play pat-a-cake till he was 20 months old...and wave bye-bye around the same time...he still has some akward reactions to things sometimes but the change was nothing less than a miracle...we worked with him and worked with him...also he was a bit physically behind although i didn't realize until the evaluation...he didn't climbe stairs without help like on the playground and would fall all the time....

soo i started bringing him to the park, letting him walk around the block...speaking to him very slowly...(comprehension was way way delayed, he would look at you with blank expression ) showed him what we were talking about, his big sister also helped, instead of fussing we spoke soft and slowly, i guess you can say we brought him into our world...for a while i honestly thought he was autistic...not just because of the signs, but inside i just didn't feel the want, he was happy being in never never land, he still bangs his head, but not the same as he used to, is soo hard to explain....he would ignore you constantly...his sister would get so upset, she is actually the one that asked me if he was deaf...but, i read once a long time ago...even a well below average child can be average with the proper motivation, you just have to find the way to reach them.......also...i also read that a child long term intelligence is formed physically in the brain by the time the child is four (about)if not properlly stimulated the "sparks" and all that stuff are not fully formed, which in turn kinda limits their ability as adults...DO NOT QUOTE is something i read and took to heart...i believe it is true...sooo we worked with ds...what kind of trouble are you having....and has your child been evaluated...
one more thing...neice was way way behind, and everyone told her mom not to worry even the ped...and she ended up being almost completely deaf in both if you feel you need help...don't wait..better to be wrong than sorry..i get all the time about how, "i told you nothing was wrong" but, if i wouldn't have gone through all of this, i dont' believe he would have gotten this far, of course with GOD's help

MUSA Tue 24-May-05 15:13:37

Well done to you haven the feeling must be out of this world.

Jimjams Tue 24-May-05 17:26:27

really pleased to hear this haven

although can I just point out that if your child is autistic/other probelms they have neurological differences and no amount of intervention will make them NT, I only say this in case someone reads this and beats themselves up for not doing enough (guilt is a big feature of life with a disabled child- especially before dx- you're right about the need for early dx).

jenkins88 Tue 24-May-05 18:32:31

Haven - your message has given me such a lot of hope. I'm trying not to get too hung up about the early intervention bit, and ds is only 3.4 years anyway. I did hear once from another mother that a childs prsonality is formed by 5 years of age, but I think this was more in terms of how secure they felt at home etc. I suppose all of this is just theoretical anyway.

I've posted quite a lot on other threads about my concerns over ds. The only thing that has been picked up by professionals is his speach and language delay, which we are waiting to be assessed. I've had alot of reassurance from other mums that there kids went through it as well and are now fine, so I'm feeling better about it. The things that really worry me and that are so hard to find reassurance about is the way I feel. I have always had this gut churning feeling that something is not quite right. I think this started right from when he was born. He had severe plagiocephaly, which I at first thought was due to his forceps birth, but have not found out it was because I have an unusual shaped uterus. He couldn't breast feed and had to have special teats that he was still using at age 2. He was a very good baby. Slept right through from 8 weeks old for 10 hours each night and was very content just to sit in his highchair and watch telly all day. Always cried everytime I took him out of his highchair and put him on the floor, which made the plagiocephaly much worse as the back of his head was always leaning against something. He didn't crawl until he was about 14 minths and walked at about 18 months. He's not very good at climbing or riding his bike or any other motor skill. Every stage in his development seems to have only come after me exhausting myself trying to get him to to do something.

I was feeling better about all of this, but was a bit crushed at his last craniofacial assessment. I had read a few reports about how kids with plagiocephaly have a higher chance of having learning disabilities and needing assistance at school. I assumed that this was due to their head being a different shape and causing some kind of neurological difference. I was corrected by the consultant that it is the other way around. The plagiocephaly is caused by them being slow and not wanting to explore the world around them and being content just to sit or lay down.

Sometimes his behaviour really bothers me. I'm not sure how much he understands but know that it's not as much as he should. He's very exciteable and does the hand flapping and running and jumping on the spot thing. Over the weekend I got so cross with him because he kept pushing little girls over. One of their mothers was really angry and I felt so embarrassed. He says sorry but I don't think he understands that this is not really acceptable and he doesn't seem to know how to control himself.

I often think it's just me who has the problem, and ds is just a normal little boy.

Sorry to have hijacked your thread (blush)

haven Fri 27-May-05 19:10:50

jim jams you are right i do not want to make anyone believe that because they do enough that their child is "behind" or anything because of them...also i know you can not loose a dx of autism but the "extreme" of the situation can be somewhat eleviated in some cases....

jenkens88...i am not fimiluar with your situation..i felt that gut wrench for sooooo long and it wasn't until the last part that others started to understand...when he was expected to do more and couldn't....i think a mom knows, but i know th feeling before ds was evaled..dh told me to just leave him alone and let him be normal..and that it was me that had the problem...i was soo upset i started to believe him, but did the eval just "incase"...and i was glad that i did.......are you saying that your ds has social issues...? sometimes i think that guidelines help, but don't always show the problem docs sometimes just like to wait...

jenkins88 Sat 28-May-05 02:13:08

I don't think he has social issues. He is very friendly to everyone, particularly children. The only concern I have over this is that sometimes it can be inappropriate friendliness. He doesn't sense when other kids don't want to play with him and will keep trying to get involved. I don't think he's able to read other people's reactions very well. He won't recognise that I'm getting angry with him unless I really lose it. He didn't push the girls over out of spite. One had only been walking for a few weeks and is still unsteady, so i suppose he thought it would be relly funny to give her a shove to see how wobbly she was. It was his reaction afterwards that concerned me. The parents were at her side helping her up, she was screaming, I was telling him off and he was laughing his head off and trying to get to her to do it again. The other incident happened because he ran into her. I don't know why he did it, but again thought it was hilarious while the girl was screaming and her mum was picking her up and trying to get her away (and tutting at me). I don't know whether this is down to him not beng aware of other people's feelings or just him being a bit boisterous due to his age.

haven Sat 28-May-05 15:18:55

part of me wants to say just a boy....does he play with other children often...and have you always tried to instill others' feeling in him....i mean is it just now that he has become aggressive that you have started to point out others...(don't take that the wrong way) you think he is immature for his age...or just more aggressive.

jenkins88 Sat 28-May-05 21:26:52

He hasn't spent much time around smaller children at all really. On the few occasions when we have seen friends with little ones he hasn't been all that interested in them, so maybe I mistook that as him understanding how to be gentle. I wouldn't say he's aggressive, he just doesn't seem to understand that when someone cries it means they are hurting. He seems to think other people crying is very funny. He is definetly immature for his age. He's very hard to control but in a babyish kind of way. I see other 3 year olds who can have conversations and show preference for things. Looking after DS is sometimes like looking after a big naughty puppy, iykwim.

haven Mon 30-May-05 01:01:08

from the way you are explaining things,,,,,he sounds like a boy...and i used to hate when people would say that because i would feel that there "was" something...

your ds is 3 and a half......uuummmm, that means he runs arounds being silly falling on the ground trying to me funny and shows you he's the boss sometimes....every child is soooooooooooooo he does he know his letters or numbers does he remember things...? does he pick up fast when you show him things...other than the crying and stuff with "children" how does he get along with adults? what adults that he doesn't know...sometimes i know kids will push their parents to the extreme limits because they know they are safe...

haven Mon 30-May-05 01:07:22

i went back to read you other said until you loose it.......unless it is a different feeling you get...ALMOST ALL CHILDREN DO you have other children? what i meant by another feeling is i believe sometimes when a parent tries to explain something to someone else it sounds totally mom is nuts..but when you are around that child then it becomes clear what mom was trying to say...for sis has a 12 year old..and they live where i don't get to see them much and she would always say how immature he was and so on..and all these other things and i "pre-son" would think "poor child" she thinks everything is wrong with him..., but then i had him spend the week with me and my family and i was blown away at the last of maturity at his age...he was like a five year but in a five year old way......if it is just immaturity and a lil boy being a boy then try and relax and don't let him get to you or pull your hair out

jenkins88 Tue 31-May-05 02:00:23

Well, I'm definelty no-where near teaching him letters yet. We've made a start with counting and he can count to 5 (most of the time), but I don't think he knows why he's doing it. He kind of says it like it's a nursery rhyme or something. TBH I definetly wouldn't say he's smart. It hurts me to say it but I think he is probably a bit slow, althoug he is very observant. If he is a bit slow, then that will be ok with me. We can't all be Baby Einstein's and it's no bi deal really (I just feel disloyal saying it).

I've got an appointment with the HV on Thursday. I'm going to ask her to refer him for a hearing test as a few MN's have brought this up (due to his SAL delay). I'm also going to tell that I'm worried about his development is general and see what she thinks. Hopefully she'll tell me that it's nothing to worry about, but if I'm not convinced then I'll ask for a referal to a developmental Paed.

haven Wed 01-Jun-05 16:14:41

let me know!!!

by the way just another story for encouragement...a friend (best) has a child three in oct...and he acts like a 1.5 year old..doesn't speak or sing or anything..won't take baths so mom was very worried and she told me (this morning) that all they said was wrong was delayed speech and they are going to get a speech pathologist for him...

is your ds spoiled? i know with some children they know how to play their parents to get what they want to their lil brain only works that way..LOL trying to make it all better...

jenkins88 Thu 02-Jun-05 04:31:12

Hmm, now you've got me thinking.

I wouldn't say he is spoilt, at least not in the conventional way. He's an only child so we can afford to give him more toys and attention, but not so much so that he gets more than most other 3 year olds, just more than we could give if he had a brother or sister. I'm not sure if that's what you meant. If you mean do we let him behave badly, then definetly not. I'm really hot on discipline. If he's naughty he goes in the naughty corner and if he's rude he has to say sorry. I try not to run my life around him, but I find that hard, so maybe he thinks he is the boss. I find it really hard to get out of the flat with him some days, because everything is just one huge battle. From being bathed and dressed, to putting on shoes, doing a wee, walking down the stairs, etc. This is what I meant when I said that he won't do as he's told until I lose it. Sometimes it's just so exhausting to keep chasing him round the flat with each item of clothing, and I'm sick of shouting at him. It just seems easier to let him have his own way sometimes.

I'm seeing the HV in the morning and I'm gonna tell her what's been going on and see what she thinks. At the moment I feel like maybe we've just hit a plataeu with him and he needs to start at nursery and be in a more stimulating environment. He really impressed me today. We went round my mums for dinner and I (cheekily) asked if she could look after him for a few hours while my and dp went for a drink. Normally he would have had a major tantrum about this and screamed until we came back. Today he just waved and said bye. At first I thought he had mis-understood and he thought we were joking, but he gave me a kiss and let us go. When we got back his little face lit up and I got a big hug off of him. My mum said that he'd been fine the whole time - didn't even ask where we were. Having said this though tomorrow I could be feeling totally different again and worrying my head off about it all.

I'll let you know how we get on.

haven Thu 02-Jun-05 13:53:32

go with it...that is how it was with day he started to change then back again...then oh!!! it was there to stay...good luck

jenkins88 Thu 02-Jun-05 19:36:12

Took him to the HV today, but she didn't have time to do a developmental assessment, so she's coming to our flat next Friday. I was hoping to gauge something from her reactions, but didn't pick anything up. She said that she expected to be able to have a better conversation with a 3 year old, than she was able to with DS. I asked her about getting him refered for a hearing test and she told me that he had been refered last June and that we had missed the appointment. I don't remember anything about this. I remember asking her to refer DS but don't remember the outcome and am pretty sure we never got an appointment. she's given me the phone number of the clinic so that I can ask them to make another appointment for him. He's on ok height and weight for his age, seems to have pretty much followed to same centile since birth, so that's good news.

We went shopping afterwards and DS found some kids to play with that looked about the same age. I was watching him play and he just seemed so babyish compared to them. He was just following and giggling, and they all seemed so much more able and inventive than him. I'm dreading him starting nursery as I'm just going to compare him to all the other kids.

I'll let you know what the HV says about his development after she's done the assessment.

haven Fri 03-Jun-05 00:55:17

maybe daycare will be good for him.

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