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My dd (2.9) is acting up so much when around other children at soft play/m&t groups...

(11 Posts)
MsSparkle Wed 29-Jul-09 16:57:55

...and it's making me not want to take her anymore.

She has always been a strong willed little girl and i thought i was doing ok until these last few months. She hits, won't share, pushes and if anyone comes and tries to play with what she is playing with (wendy house/a box of toys etc) she shouts at the poor kid and pushes them away.

I just want her to play nicely and be a nice girl. I am finding it really embarressing too because i think other parents think i am a bad mother who has a naughty, spoilt brat child.

The thing is my dd knows these things are naughty, she will tell other children not to push etc but doesn't follow her own advice.

I have been taking her out of the situation, making her sit on a "naughty" chair at a group, making her say sorry etc. I feel like i am in a losing battle.

People say to me it's just a phase but what if it's not? What if i end up with a nasty little child that no one wants to come over to play?

When your at a soft play/m&t group and there is one kid there who is just plain horrible, do you think the mum is a bad one? Is that what they are thinking of me?sad

herestoabetterfuture Wed 29-Jul-09 17:01:40

My DD is exactly the same.

She hugs children really nicely for a second and then bang! hits them or shoves them.

She wont share either.

She's going to nursery soon, I'm hoping that will help.

I get really upset because I think people won't like her. Or that they think its me (alot of parents seem to think it's down to the parenting)

I've had a lot of stern words about playing nicely, showing her how to. And she knows when she has done it. But she still does it!

Don't worry, it's given me a lot more understanding towards "full on" children now, and I'm definately understanding towards mums with children who do the same.

Bibelots Wed 29-Jul-09 17:02:37

Maybe she finds those situations too stressful at the moment? My DS1 is the same age and has the same problem. One to one with another child he plays beautifully, but when there is a crowd it is too much for him and he lashes out. I have decided to keep away from M&T for the time being.

herestoabetterfuture Wed 29-Jul-09 17:05:08

My DD does it to babies and hits them. It gets me so upset.

She then cuddles and kisses them, and then does something a little bit hurtful.

I think its like "what does this do" "will baby cry if I do this".....

MsSparkle Wed 29-Jul-09 17:06:06

My dd goes to nursery twice a week and i have spoken to the staff there who have told me she isn't naughty therehmm

Purhaps your right bibelots, maybe these groups are too much for her the moment? She does play ok with just a select few of children.

MsSparkle Wed 29-Jul-09 17:07:08

My ds is 6 months old, i thought it might be a little bit of jealousy there i don't know?

herestoabetterfuture Wed 29-Jul-09 17:09:42

Its awful though isn't it.

You can imagine the parents saying "that so and so is very rough. I blame the parents.."

danthe4th Wed 29-Jul-09 17:13:22

I think soft play and toddler groups are often too noisy and there are too many children bustling around each other, some children just can't handle it, it's too much all at once and they just lash out. Personally I struggle with the noise level sometimes and go home with my head spining and wonder why I bothered.I would do more one to ones and quieter groups,until she is a bit older.

CarGirl Wed 29-Jul-09 17:20:10

Probably a lot to do with having a 6 month old, he's getting more interesting, she's getting less of a look in and she's worked out how to get your full attention even if it is "bad" attention. I've noticed it a lot at toddler group that a child will be quite vile when their is a younger adorable sibling on the scene...........

Can you try ignoring baby and giving her lots of full on positive attention at M&T to break the habit/cycle?

MsSparkle Thu 30-Jul-09 08:37:25

Hi, thanks for the replies.

It is awful because sometimes you think other parents are almost judging you in a way and think you have no contol over your child and so must be a bad parant.

The only problem i have with egnoring ds while i play with dd at groups or soft play is other kids go over to him and can be a bit rough. Toddlers don't always realise that babies don't play the same way as them and even when i have left him in a baby only section, i look over to see lots of older children in there on top of him/tapping him on the head with something/running around him/jumping over him etc.

It's a difficult situation isn't it until ds is old enough to run around with dd and play.

I will take the advice though given and stick to quieter groups.

CarGirl Thu 30-Jul-09 10:33:12

You may find another Mum happy to watch/cuddle enjoy your ds whilst you give your dd some one to one time.

It is a nightmare I agree, the only time I get really cross aoubt other parents is when they have a child very prone to "naughty" behaviour and they just don't bother supervising them at all.

It's a big difference when you see a parent dealing with it 90% of the time and occasionally gets caught out/misses it to one who sits on their butt for the entire toddler group whilst their childs goes around thumping, pushing, hitting etc

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