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How can I stop my 4 year old daughter hugging and kissing every baby she meets ??

(26 Posts)
mummyloveslucy Wed 29-Jul-09 14:14:24

Hi, I have a daughter who is four and a half and has SEN's she is extreamly loving and loves babies. Where ever we go she always makes a fuss of every baby we see, which can be quite waring for me. If I try to stop her she'll play up and make herself look naughty, which she isn't.
Every Mum so far has been really good about it and they say things like "that's really sweet" or say to my daughter "can you come and babysit" etc.
We were in the city yesturday and my daughter found two babies in a shop of about 1 year old. They had an older brother with them. She was chatting to them and gave one of them a kiss. I looked to see if the mother was o.k with this and she was smieling. She then went to kiss the other baby and the mum said "Actually, I rather you didn't" and pushed her away from the baby". I was gobsmaked. shock It wasn't as if she gave any warning that she wasn't o.k with it. If she'd looked at all concerned then I would've taken my daughter away, risking her being upset.
Do other Mums feel like this too and just don't say? If so then I don't think I'll take my daughter anywhere where there are likely to be babies.
I bought her a pair of reigns that day to stop her doing it again. She dosn't understand if you try to explain to her that not all Mummies like you kissing their babys. She is just very affectionate.
I would really appreciate any advice as to how to stop her doing this all the time.
I like the fact that she is so caring and loving but it's not always appropriate.

CarmenSanDiego Wed 29-Jul-09 14:22:46

Hmm. I'd be happy with a stranger of any age talking to my baby, maybe touching his feet etc. but I'd draw the line at kissing. With my first baby, I'd have been particularly protective.

It seems like common sense to realise that at the moment especially, whether rightly or wrongly there is a lot of paranoia about swine flu and germs and many/most mothers will be anxious about a child kissing their baby.

You should generally ask a mother if it is ok that she touches the baby before she does so. You don't know what other issues there might be that might make touch an issue for mother or baby - it's only polite and some mothers may feel very protective and anxious. I'd say you should ask before letting her kiss a baby, but I really don't think it's particularly fair to put mothers in a position where they have to say no to what I think is a fairly unreasonable request so she really ought to refrain from kissing strange babies imo. Save that for close friends who really don't mind.

mummyloveslucy Wed 29-Jul-09 14:31:38

I think I'll keep her on the reigns then. smile I never had a problem with it when my daughter was a baby, but understand especially at the moment people are bound to be parranoid.
I'm quite shy and always feel uncomfortable when my daughter makes a fuss of strange babies. I don't want her to feel that it's wrong to be affectionate, but not sure how to explain it in a way she'll understand.

Monkeyandbooba Wed 29-Jul-09 14:33:56

Hmmm tricky, thing is you don't know if the baby has a bug or is immuno suppressed or whatever really. I think I would feel a bit weird about a stranger (even a child) kissing my baby - stroking feet or head fine but not kissing. Not sure why really hmm

mummyloveslucy Wed 29-Jul-09 14:35:30

Also I'm aware that if I try to drag her away from a baby, the Mum might think that I have a problem with her childs germs. grin
I've taken her away before and the mum has said "It's o.k, she's only being friendly". that makes me look really cold then.

Monkeyandbooba Wed 29-Jul-09 14:35:38

Not sure what the SENs are but maybe it is a gentle lesson to teach about personal space and boundaries? Like you say it is endearing that she is affectionate and you don't want to suppress her natural innocence smile

CarmenSanDiego Wed 29-Jul-09 14:37:41

I think there's a middle line between dragging her away and her actually kissing the baby.

I don't have a lot of experience with SENs but I would think you could be able to model and reinforce appropriate ways of interacting with babies. Maybe roleplay with dolls?

mummyloveslucy Wed 29-Jul-09 14:38:58

At her nursery, all the children kiss each other. On the lips usually too.
She's never ill though and I don't think she's ever had a cold. She's built up her immune system with all the kissing. grin

whomovedmychocolate Wed 29-Jul-09 14:41:13

You know we get a lot of this - other children seem very attracted to my DS (dunno why, he's still got that potatolike baby look). I don't have a problem with it personally - I reckon they'll get pretty much everything anyway if they have older siblings.

But with DD we taught her to wave and say hello and that babies really like being waved at. It's true actually they do quite like being waved at. Perhaps you could teach her to wave instead?

mummyloveslucy Wed 29-Jul-09 14:41:39

Whatever she learns tends to be forgotten 5 mins later. I would have to drag her away.

mummyloveslucy Wed 29-Jul-09 14:45:24

Good idea. I'll teach her to wave instead, but I'll have to tell her every time we see a baby, as it's in her nature to go and hugg and kiss.
Maybe we should give her a sibling to hugg and kiss, that way she wouldn't be so interested in other babies. grin

EyeballsintheSky Wed 29-Jul-09 14:51:39

I wouldn't mind her kissing dd. I would mind if an adult did it but a small child is ok. And if your baby has problems with immunity, then it's down to the (baby's) mother to step in. Not saying it wouldn't be a good idea to try to teach her to wave, but I wouldn't have a problem with the kissing...only that dd might grab a fistful of her hair and pull it out!

mummyloveslucy Wed 29-Jul-09 14:54:54

EyeballsintheSky- I think that might acctually put her off the whole kissing babies thing. wink

Rhian82 Wed 29-Jul-09 14:58:00

Lots of little girls kiss my DS (he's nine months). It would never occur to me to be annoyed, I take it as a compliment and joke about him being a flirt, he seems to love the attention!

mummyloveslucy Wed 29-Jul-09 15:02:43

Thanks Rhian82, most Mums I've met seem to be the same. (I hope) blush The babies always love the attention they get from my daughter. Shopping is boring for them and they welcome the positive attention.
(some Mums don't though). wink

CarmenSanDiego Wed 29-Jul-09 15:09:42

But it's not a matter of 'Well I'm ok with it' - plenty of mums would not be ok with it and it's reasonable for them to feel that way and to have those feelings respected.

No, the baby isn't the mother's personal property, but neither is it a communal object. Kissing is considered by many to be quite intimate or personal. You don't know WHAT cultural, medical or social issues that mother and baby have.

LIZS Wed 29-Jul-09 15:13:03

Can you persuade her to check with you first? Then you have the opportunity to ask or judge. It may be an impulse connected to her SEN but it won't do any harm to try and introduce a pause between that and action. Does she have dollies of her own she could take out as a distraction?

mummyloveslucy Wed 29-Jul-09 15:14:17

I do realise that. hmm

mummyloveslucy Wed 29-Jul-09 15:17:55

I could try, but I think it is very impulsive. She's there like a flash whenever she sees a baby.
I will try taking out a dollie too. That might help. smile

mummyloveslucy Wed 29-Jul-09 15:29:46

CarmenSanDiego- I think you need to re-read the title of the thread.

LIZS Wed 29-Jul-09 15:31:53

Can you do "rehearsals" at home , so you play going shopoing meeting a baby in buggy or sitting having a snack ....

mummyloveslucy Wed 29-Jul-09 15:35:33

Yes, good idea. We could try that this afternoon, if it dosn't work, at least we'll have fun with it. smile
She does love role play, so you never know.

CarmenSanDiego Wed 29-Jul-09 15:43:34

Mummyloveslucy, I was also responding to the other posters who seemed to imply this was a lovely thing for her to do.

But not sure what all the hmm is about. I did offer suggestions which answered your question. Like er... roleplaying with dolls.

mummyloveslucy Wed 29-Jul-09 15:47:42

Oh, I thought that was aimed just at me. Sorry. blush
The role play is a good idea.

CarmenSanDiego Wed 29-Jul-09 15:52:29

Ok, maybe I wasn't being very clear. Up very early in the morning my time.

Going to try and get some more sleep. Good luck with finding a solution.

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