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Overconfident, irritating, loud and embarrassing 6 yr old....

(24 Posts)
dubbletrubble Fri 24-Jul-09 23:18:06

I have not posted on mumsnet in literally years, having got through the baby/toddler times with good advice when needed and thought I was getting on OK. Eldest son now driving me insane - to the point where I dont like MY behaviour around him - shouting, ignoring and even once hitting which I have never done before as well as his.

Basically he is just the loudest kid in a crowd, needs to be centre of attention, does annoying attention seeking behaviour for no reason, constantly pulling faces, shouting, running around with finger guns etc etc. He will not respond to any normal disciplinary measures that have been successful over the years and I am despairing that I will ever be able to get a happy medium around here again. His little brother and sister are now a) playing along to his antic and b) being affected by my increasing impatience and general frustration and angry mood in the house!

I feel apprehensive inviting his or his brother's friends round for a play or taking him anywhere - because I can be guaranteed that he will do something stupid and embarrassing. I dont understand why he has become so, he was a genuinely lovely toddler with few behavioural problems, his brother too was fine. Now in the last year or so since starting school he has developed this 'centre of attention (for all the wrong reasons)' attitude. I am constantly comparing him to other children I see around who are lovely in any company and cant see where we have gone wrong.

I do know that my now increasing angst over it is not helping and that shouting at and threatening consequences constantly has absolutely no value and I desparately want to get back to being a happy mum who will enjoy the summer hols while he is off school.

I am looking for some advice on how to handle this - do I just accept that I have this irritating overconfident child, or is there anything I can do to overcome this or change his behaviour?

Am desparate for some ideas - its affecting our whole family, and life around here is becoming miserable due to the constant rows and bad feeling, help!

ImhavingaBBaby Sat 25-Jul-09 09:00:27

you sound like this is more your issue than his.
could you tell us how old he is? this sounds like typical behaviour from an outgoing child, and yes children can be annoying.

i find it shocking you can describe your own child as irratating and overconfident, surely as a child it is not an overconfidence in arrogance, it just shows he is happy and confident enough to express himself?
perhaps he does need to know when to stop but to be honest i think you sound uptight and its you that needs change.
let me get this straight you hit him but you think he has to change?? from you saying he has just started school i would guess he is perhaps 5, how can a 5 year old be expected not to do these things?? none of them sound awful. you need to either give specific examples of what he has done wrong (because the examples you have given do not seem like doing anything wrong) or accept its your issue, which i think it is! i feel sorry for the little boy in this if you are comparing him to others!!

HumphreyCobbler Sat 25-Jul-09 09:07:36

well I'm sure dubbletrubble is really glad she came here for some advice and support now ImhavingaBBaby hmm

Hope someone helpful comes along soon, can't stop to type as baby crying.

HumphreyCobbler Sat 25-Jul-09 09:11:26

most of the worry about behavior like this is that other people will take a dislike to him I imagine

could be worth talking to his teacher about emotional intelligence role play games?

ImhavingaBBaby Sat 25-Jul-09 09:12:29

well so bloody sorry humphrey i thought this site was based on people giving opinions and advice.... how very dare i say something remotely disagreeing with the OPs view?? i was not getting at the op, just saying it as i see it, and as i see it(from the examples given) this is just a 6 year old acting as a 6 year old. but so sorry if no one should defend the child.....

i did not condemn the op, and i think its good she has asked for advice but, if we all say oh yes he's a nightmare that isnt going to help her is it??

SpawnChorus Sat 25-Jul-09 09:13:19

I quite agree HC.

I don't have a DS as old as yours, but I've seen many similarly exasperated posts on here from parents of 5/6 yr old boys. I think it's a fairly common phase for them to go through, and it not due to something you've "done wrong". I'm sure someone with real experience will be along soon, but if I were faced with this sort of behaviour I would probably try a combination of positive reinforcement of good behaviour, plus LOTS of very energetic and tiring activities. Hope it gets better for you soon!

HumphreyCobbler Sat 25-Jul-09 09:15:36

well you sounded very confrontational actually, and said that you feel sorry for her son

i think that is quite offensive actually

just wanted the op (who has asked for HELP) to see that not everyone was so judgemental

sorry if you did not mean it that way

SpawnChorus Sat 25-Jul-09 09:18:06

"you sound like this is more your issue than his."

"i find it shocking you can describe your own child as irratating and overconfident"

"i think you sound uptight and its you that needs change"

"let me get this straight you hit him but you think he has to change??"

"i feel sorry for the little boy in this if you are comparing him to others!! "

Do you really think any of that was helpful? I can't see any positive advice in your post, only criticism.

ImhavingaBBaby Sat 25-Jul-09 09:19:57

well funnily enough this is the internet - the written word and you cannot get any of my intention or it=ntunation, nor do you know me so please refrain from personally attacking my views... and do not call me judgemental when you have judged me on a paragraph!!

i do feel sorry for her son because i think it is sad to be seen as a problem when in reality this behaviour is quite typical. that is not to say it cannot be modified to be more manageable but i think the fact that he is compared to other children and cast in a poor light from that by the op is a bit sad. obviously the child does not know but if the child did know then that would be sad, in my opinion, thus i feel sorry for the child.

HumphreyCobbler Sat 25-Jul-09 09:22:31

perhaps you should remember that this is not AIBU, but a plea for help. If you have no help to offer you should not speak at all.

Anyway, hope the op is not put off by all this.

ImhavingaBBaby Sat 25-Jul-09 09:23:52

yes spawn chorus those are MY VIEWS expressed on an internet forum where people can express THIER VIEWS so that people can gain OTHER PEOPLES POINTS OF VIEW!!!

this is the problem with this place more and more - if you dont conform you get jumped on, its such PC bollox so playground "oh you are being far too nasty to the op" bandwagon, its bollocks. I was simply trying to make the op see the situation from a different light. perhaps you felt that i was too negative that is your opinion! why dont you all focus on your own opinions and i'll do the same and the op can respond, take on board and dismiss exactly what she likes as is the point of this place!

ImhavingaBBaby Sat 25-Jul-09 09:25:21

Message withdrawn

SpawnChorus Sat 25-Jul-09 09:29:22

My, you do sound angry. Did you get out of bed the wrong side this morning? <<smiles sweetly>>

ERm I think Imhavingababy has expressed herself very badly BUT she has a point. It does sound like it's the OP who has the issue and this sounds like fairly normal behavior for a young child but it could also be caused by something. You said he became the centre of attention around the time he started school, does he enjoy school? is he bored? does he have any friends?

Also there is one thing I have observed on MN is that parents are often the harshest critics of their childrens behaviour so whilst you are hand wringing over his behaviour other parents/children may not even have noticed. For every parent wishing their child would calm done their is another parent wishing their child wasn't so shy!

You already know that shouting and getting impatient are not working, is there any chance when he is winding you up for YOU to have a time out, lock yourself in the toilet for 1 minute and just breath. You could then (try!) to ignore his more exuberent (sp!) behaviour whilst praising him when he is quieter, playing well with others.

welovepinkmilk Sat 25-Jul-09 09:52:09

OP I think your reaction to your son sounds entirely understandable, speaking as someone who has a very confident, loud and outgoing ds (5) myself. He is a lovely, lovely boy but in company he can be unbearable at times and I think I find it difficult to handle his behaviour at these times because he is so different to me, personality wise. I am hoping that as he gets older he will begin to recognise some of the social conventions and socially acceptable behaviours and moderate his behaviour himself, rather than me having to deal with it every time. I think a lot of patience is required but I know that I find this difficult and it is something I need to work on. I'm watching with interest to see if anyone has any useful advice.

Hope it helps to know you're not alone smile

welovepinkmilk Sat 25-Jul-09 09:56:01

Oh and as a professional who has worked with many, many 5 and 6 year old boys I don't think this behaviour is "typical", however it isn't unusual.

ICANDOTHAT Sat 25-Jul-09 11:33:51

Dubbletrubble I think some ladies on here are having a 'me, me, me day" wink Getting back to your OP .... I think it becomes more than just a developmental stage when it's affecting yours and his social situations. Can you shed a little light on what his school say? Is the problem there too or only at home/with you? What are his relationships like with his peers? I ask this because my son now has a dx of 'mild' ADHD (not medicated) and you could be describing him in your OP. However, his teachers were also fairly quick to pick up on his 'unusual/annoying' behaviour. You can't be ADHD at school and not at home iyswim - it affects them in most scenarios. There are many other behaviour traits that replica ADHD or those similar to what you describe ie: lack of sleep, high sugar/additive diet, poor hearing, poor discipline (sorry, no offense to you, but I was a bit of a wet blanket with both my boys). Just trying to put another stance on your predicament. Good luck!

dubbletrubble Mon 27-Jul-09 13:18:15

Wow, I didnt get a chance to log on all weekend and check your responses - and amazed that I have sparked such feedback blush. I am sorry that I may have appeared as the mother from hell.

Thank you very much to those of you who have tried to offer some constructive advice - that is simply all I was looking for. I am sorry that I have caused an argument between two mums over this.

I have had a lot of time to think about this over the weekend, and yes, some of the blame can safely be laid at my door. Maybe two weeks of rain and stir craziness on all our parts were to blame for getting things to the stage they were last week. I am sorry that some of the language I used about my own child (irritating and overconfident) offended you 'Ijusthadababy' but truly these are the words that I can only find to describe his behaviour. He is not particularly naughty or bad - but his general loudness and lack of manners do irritate me and yes, he has far too much 'confidence' in the wrong places in my opinion. However, I do realise that I need to be more patient with him. He genuinely is a lovely boy without all this nonsense.

I have spoken a few times to his teacher about his behaviour in school over his first year, and she agrees entirely with me. He is very able and bright and has not ever been a troublemaker, never instigates any bad behaviour in the class - however if there is even a sniff of it, he is there banging the drum on the sidelines laughing the loudest and the longest. Which in itself can be very (sorry) irritating for the teacher when she is tyring to restore order afterwards.

However, he does respond well to praise and I give him loads. I have had big chats with him over the weekend and we have agreed on another sticker chart which we started on Saturday. Im pleased to say he has had two great days and we were at a party on Saturday and he behaved very well and we were so proud of him.

Maybe we just had a bad week, maybe I shouldnt compare my darling son to others - I know all that, maybe I just had a bad day . Thank you all so much for the supportive comments you made I am trying to take some steps myself to be less critical of him and he is trying to be 'better behaved' So hopefully all will come round again (it always does)

Dubbletrubble

HumphreyCobbler Mon 27-Jul-09 20:23:25

so glad the argument didn't put you off

what a lovely post dubbletrubble

pasturesnew Mon 27-Jul-09 20:28:32

It sounds like praise and so on is working for you but another thing your posts made me wonder about is if some people are just born performers? E.g. I bet Chris Rock and Robin Williams were full-on as children. Is he old enough for any sort of drama club in your area, do you think he might enjoy that kind of thing?

pasturesnew Mon 27-Jul-09 20:29:51

Also meant to say do you think he is getting enough physical exercise? It always amazes me how much running around small boys are capable of and maybe he needs to blow off some steam?

dubbletrubble Tue 28-Jul-09 18:31:27

It definitely is a lack of exercise - I think boys in particular need to let off steam. However, living where we are with the climate we have has made outdoor activities pretty difficult. We do persevere! This week we are going swimming - every day - and getting a big long walk too (in between the showers).

I would love to put him and his brother into a drama club, and do have some near me - however the times constrict with other activities at the moment. I do often wonder on the future uses of his 'talents' maybe he will be a world leader or performer ;) its all about channelling energies in the right places. We are doing fine at mo, I guess its like everything we all have up days and down days.

Thanks to all for the support, think I might become a more regular visitor here again - the support really helps, I'd forgotten that I think whilst busy with 3 kids

MagNacarta Tue 28-Jul-09 18:37:38

Ah yes the joy of 6 year old boys. I thought mine was particularly exuberant and then I took him and five of his friends to the cinema. Oh my goodness they were all like it - quite reassuring.

squilly Tue 28-Jul-09 18:52:08

I've only just read this and am glad the OP has managed to sort it. I must say, I can relate to the overconfidence/arrogance issue.

My 8yo dd is a real sweetie in lots and lots of ways, and for most of the time, but sometimes she's SOooooo full of herself. And it winds me up and drives me nuts. She thinks she knows better than me about just about everything I try to tell her, which could wear down the patience of a saint!

Still. It's nearly 7 and she's calming down for the night, so hopefully she'll be an angel again by the time I tuck her in bed.

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