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19 mth old won't share and is aggressive towards other children

(5 Posts)
spiralqueen Thu 23-Jul-09 21:55:29

DD is only child but has been at nursery sincw she was 5mths so has plenty of experience of being with other children. For the last few weeks at nursery she has become much more possessive of toys she is either playing with or has been playing with.

This happened before when she was 14mths and the oldest child in her group and so had become top dog as it were. The problem stopped once she had moved up a room and was the baby again. Nursery have discussed moving her up to the 2-3 yr olds but there isn't room for her at the moment.

Nursery tell her off and then leave her to calm down when the inevitable tantrum kicks off, and we do the same at home so that there is continuity in our responses. She will go back to her normal happy self pretty quickly.

Has anyone else had similar problems and how did you overcome them? Nursery do make it seem as if she is the only one displaying this kind of behaviour and seem to be at a loss as how to deal with it.

Pheebe Fri 24-Jul-09 07:51:58

Telling her off isn't going to help at all and I'm a bit shocked the nursery are 'at a loss' how to deal with it. This behavior is VERY normal. I would suggest both you and the nursery start teaching her how to share and work with her on developing empathy for other people. There's loads of tricks and games you can use

- simple pass the parcel games
- sharing bottles of juice (passed very quickly back and forth)
- sharing snacks (one for you, one for me), feeding each other
- work in small groups of 3 or 4 children and share out toys
- encourage cuddles and kisses and demonstrate comforting using dolls/teddies

Everything has to be exagerated with ott but simple rewards like stickers

If they really are 'at a loss' get them to contant their local SENCO rep who'll be able to give them loads of tips!

My ds2 (21 months) has been biting at nursery for the last few weeks and all this has really helped him. He was always a loving cuddly boy but now he's an absolute delight smile

rubyslippers Fri 24-Jul-09 07:55:26

she is 19 months - a baby

she is not aggressive - of course she won't share as she has no concept of it - this is USUAL behaviour

she is way to young to move up to the 2 - 3 year old room and i wouldn't allow it TBH

when you say tell her off what do you mean?

a firm "no" is all that is needed at this age plus distraction and/or removal from the situation

the fact that nursery are at a loss to deal with very typical toddler behaviour is not good IMO

moondog Fri 24-Jul-09 08:07:30

I agree.
They sound nuts.
She's tiny.

spiralqueen Fri 24-Jul-09 10:48:13

Ruby exactly as you say a firm "no" and removal/distraction.

Pheebe thanks for all your suggestions - v ery helpful.

I've been a bit shocked myself as I assumed they'd have far more ideas than a first time mum. Plus I thought that was pretty normal behaviour at her age.

Last night when I picked up one of the other children was having a tantrum so I didn't feel quite so got at as it had felt as if the staff were implying that it was only DD that was like that. (I suspect a mix of working mother guilt on my part and client confidentiality on the staff's part) The other parent and I were able to have a "joys of the terrible twos, will they ever grow out of it" conversation which was good.

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