Advanced search

What do you say when you dc is being bullied?

(6 Posts)
LotsOfOtters Thu 23-Jul-09 11:05:07

What a great way to start the hols (ds’s school broke up yesterday!)…

ds (aged 8) came running in yesterday afternoon in floods of tears. The children he’d been playing with had been discussing who in their class they disliked the most – ds of course. They’d also been telling him that he’s really weak and made a point of climbing somewhere they know he can’t get to (his teacher and I think he’s mildly dyspraxic).

Sooo… What would you say to him? I told him what I thought of the other children’s behaviour (in politer terms than I used when talking to dp later that evening!) and as for the “weak” slur I trundled out the “we’re all good at different things” line. I also said that children really are horrible to each other sometimes unfortunately, and (I’m not sure if this was the right thing to say at all) that sadly it might happen again so perhaps we might need to think of a good thing to say back to people if it does.

I told him not to let them see you cry – is that wrong do you think? These children were being really horrible for sure and this time his reaction was fairly proportionate but at other times (most of them actually) he overreacts BIG TIME. Some less thoughtful children (to put it kindly) seem to wind him up just to get the reaction and ds could really do with growing a thicker skin..

DP later offered to help ds learn to climb better over the hols, which I thought was a really constructive response. But what would you have said? What do you say if your dcs are being bullied?

lemonadesparkle Thu 23-Jul-09 14:02:20

I'm sure you have already told him this but every time it has happened to my ds now 13 (and its happened alot sadly sad) we have had to reitterate that he tells us and the staff each and every time.

My ds also has problems with dyspraxia, questionably aspergers and is a lovely sensitive and considerate boy - he is therefore always been bully fodder but unlike your son he was becomming quite accepting of it and not bothering to tell - he saw it as nothing ever changed (except the perpetrators)sad. He's now in a different school and the bullying that he experienced there was dealt with swiftly and effectively which has made a huge difference to his confidence.

I think your dp offering to help him to learn to climb is a really positive move and something that will build his confidence. I don't know what the answer is sadly I just know that some children are really truly awful.

LotsOfOtters Thu 23-Jul-09 16:02:48

Thank lemonadesparkle!

Thankfully school are pretty on the ball I think - at least so far he hasn't had any trouble there.

Yesterday's incident happened when he was playing out though so in a way it's trickier to handle. I don't want him to not play out - we live in a really safe area and this bit of independance is important for him imo.

I have told him that if one of the perpetrators calls for him he might want to say that he doesn't want to play with him right now because he was so unkind - hopefully this won't make matters worse!

FranSanDisco Thu 23-Jul-09 16:14:59

It's hard isn't it. Ds 6 yo was 'picked on' yesterday in the park. A boy probably a little older seemed to single him out for attention. Firstly, he climbed into ds's lap almost to sit on the first seat on the 'horse' which ds was already on. I watched ds get confused, annoyed and eventually get off. Ds went to the climbing frame and same boy runs over and tells him he can't go on it as he was wearing sandals. DS got tearful and I made excuses to ds saying perhaps boy was being helpful. Ds was on swings and same boy starts to push him. Then starts on about sandals again. He had crocs on. In the end I said "are you the fashion police?" and he went off. Then I felt bad for stepping in. I think ds needs a thicker skin too!

PixiNanny Thu 23-Jul-09 16:28:04

I was bullied a lot as a kid and as a teen, it's really hard and I'm sure my Mum found it hard too. You said all that you could say imo, I certainly didn't feel it at the time but I apreciate my Mum's effort t make me feel better. All you can do is be supportive and try get his confidence up. Maybe a martial arts class or new sport?

LotsOfOtters Thu 23-Jul-09 16:56:22

PixiNanny - funnily enough I was looking at martial arts for him the other day. I think I might pursue it further. You never know it might help his co-ordination as well as his confidence (the two go hand in hand anyway, I suppose!).

FranSanDisco - I bet we've all been there making excuses for other children (and maybe wanting to say that they're little **insert expletive of choice * and if you hit them hard enough they won't do it again!). I love "are you the fashion police?"

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now