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Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Behaviour/development

What do I do about my DD being a terrible loser?

11 replies

MovingOutOfBlighty · 21/07/2009 09:10

My dd (age 5) is frankly the most hissy loser at times. She has to win at EVERYTHING. Forget playing snakes and ladders, the first time she even gets a lower roll of the die, the board is swept off the table in fury.
Even playing Pooh sticks is armageddon.
The problem is, she has inherited my stupendous sporting prowess (in otherwords she is doomed to always win a 'tried really hard' ribbon at sports day) and gets so distressed when other people beats her at running, or anything.

As kids her age seem to become more competitive, I am worried that this seems to be getting worse and is happening more often. She won't listen to the 'its fun just to take part' line.
She also gives up very quickly on things she can't do immediately in a fury.
Because I am asthmatic and cant be arsed to run, I remember being quite zen about losing things so this is a bit beyond my understanding. She is a lovely little girl otherwise and has so many good points. But it just seems like several tims a day this competitiveness is a problem in ways I often dont even predict.
Does anyone else have any help on this?

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ByTheSea · 21/07/2009 09:18

This is very normal at that age. I've seen many many DC (mine and others) like this at about five and six years old and it is just one of those developmental phases. My DD2-7, who is an angel in every other way, finally seems to have grown out of it, so I am thankfully done with this phase.

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MovingOutOfBlighty · 21/07/2009 09:23

Ta Sea,
Is there anything I can do to help her? Short of abandoning all games? Or did you just avoid?

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ButtercupWafflehead · 21/07/2009 09:25

Team/working together games?

Focus on cheerleading/giving high-fives to the person who does well?

To be fair, I am 30 and still this competitive. I've just learned to hold it in

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ByTheSea · 21/07/2009 09:27

I would often say I won't play unless she would be gracious no matter what and then she would promise that and then be a sore loser, so I'm afraid my advice is just to try to ignore it when it happens, chat informally about games being about having fun and not winning and losing, and handling her anger more productively, and then just wait for her to grow out of it. Sorry if that's not much help but I promise she will grow out of it.

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MovingOutOfBlighty · 21/07/2009 09:32

Nope, its enough to hear that she will grow out of it and all will be good.

Buttercup, I wouldn't want to see the uglyness of you vs my dd at 'Princess Birthday Wishes game then'! It would be pistols at dawn.

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ButtercupWafflehead · 21/07/2009 09:34

Oh gosh it's true

Sometimes I have to sit on my hands to prevent snatching the snap cards from my toddler and making him "do it properly"!

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blametheparents · 21/07/2009 09:38

My DS is very competitive. At 5 and 6 it was actualy quite embarassing to see him playing football etc.
However, I carried on with competitive sports and now (although he does not actually like losing) he is more able to keep a lid on it and not show off.
He is now 8 and it is no longer embarassing to watch him paying sports and he is able to play board games etc without getting in a total strop.
I would say not to avoid the situation, but to continue and she will learn

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mrshibbins · 22/07/2009 17:19

my 8 yrs old SD had a hissy fit and ran off to sulk every time she didn't win a party game at her birthday party ... (sigh)

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MovingOutOfBlighty · 23/07/2009 12:03

Thats the kind of thing I mean Blame and MrsH!!!

Its the'hey we can all have fun here as long as I am winning thing'

Glad to hear I am not alone on this.

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mrshibbins · 23/07/2009 14:08

if she has a friend over for a play date or sleepover, it's a nightmare of politics - if I let the friend have or do ANYTHING first, we have a tantrum... I think that 8 is far too old to still be behaving like this but she is just so full of herself and the centre of the universe that she just doesn't ... get it. How DO you make them understand ?

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MovingOutOfBlighty · 23/07/2009 14:54

No idea. It is the same with my gorgeous girl. has to have the prettiest Barbie, with the longest hair, be the first to order things, win games etc.

Don't get me wrong, she is great fun, but it makes me wonder how she is at school sometimes as she will often go off in a huff if she can't be the 'mummy' in games or has things her own way. not too sure what I did to cultivate it.
On the plus side, she is really lovely to our ds2 and shares everything.