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Toddler keeps screaming, REALLY loud, I can't bear it

(18 Posts)
Flgihtattendant Mon 20-Jul-09 20:31:15

How can I persuade him to stop?

He is a dear little fellow, but not too far on the language journey thus far, at 25 months. He's getting a new word every day but as soon as ds1 touches his things or sometimes just goes in his direction, he lets out seriously blood curdling screams which hurt my ears and leave me almost temporarily deaf.

I know he is frustrated, but he is lovely all day when ds1 is at school, then as soon as we collect ds1 it all lets rip. sad I've been telling ds1 off all weekend and today for seemingly doing it on purpose (ie winding up ds2) and understand they may have territorial issues to address at the start of the hols...

Now we have got ds1 home all day for 7 weeks and I am thinking of leaving them to it and moving in with the neighbours, seriously, has anyone else had this situation and is there a way to stop it? It's making me cry quite regularly atm, I just can't take the noise level and shock of a sudden piercing scream every few minutes. I feel shot to pieces.

Thanks for any suggestions.

Flgihtattendant Mon 20-Jul-09 20:33:21

I'm actually quite worried about the neighbours as well as we live in a flat. Not sure whether I could handle it if it were me, and we like them and don't want them to move out.

Febes Mon 20-Jul-09 20:36:32

Toddlers are so hard when they are like that. I had a whingy 20 month old all day... no advice but sympathy. (I am also embarrassed at what the neighbours must think...)

KEAWYED Mon 20-Jul-09 20:38:59

My DS2 went through this stage when I had DS3 but it only lasted a few weeks.
The screaming was so high pitched it went through me and much to my shame I covered his mouth once just to shut him up.

My DS2 has delayed speach but I think it was more to do with having a new brother and having his little life turned upside down.

Cant help you because he just stopped doing it but I know it can push you to the edge.

Ds1 is off school soon and i'm going to take them to the park everyday for about 4 hours to stop them arguing.

sorry wasnt much help.

KEAWYED Mon 20-Jul-09 20:39:59

My friend is convinced her neighbours thinks she batters her kids because they scream at each other so much at bedtime.

Flgihtattendant Mon 20-Jul-09 20:58:07

Thankyou...for once I don't feel like I am going to lose it badly with them, just within myself I feel like sobbing at times and have cried in front of them briefly tonight. Which I'm sure just makes it worse.

Ds1 was particularly awful at times, today - we went to town, he managed to complain about everything, hit me with a big stick on the way back (accidentally on purpose) and then ran ahead and when we got back he was in the middle of weeing on my bike hmm

with one of those 'oops' guilty smiles on his face. Maybe he was literally marking his territory, I had just installed a seat on it for ds2...which thankfully was above the level of, erm, precipitation.

I didn't lose it - I just made him wash it off with water, which 'wasn't fair' and was 'all your fault mummy'. He fell asleep shortly after that.

inkdrops Mon 20-Jul-09 20:59:33

My ds2 does this aswell. He is 2.5 years old. My ds1 also does wind him up sometimes too which makes the ear piercing shrieks even worse. Hope to God its just a phase they go through. I tend say ssshhhh! quite loudly and use lots of distraction when they seem to be winding each other up.. Best to leave the house as much as poss during the hols IMO. Sympathise with you but glad I am not going through this alone

Flgihtattendant Mon 20-Jul-09 21:01:50

Yes probably right to get out as much as poss. We put the tent up in the garden today and after initial upsets, (mostly from me!) I left them to play in it together - that was better and defused it a bit I think.

Neutral ground and all that. i'm going to wear ear plugs tomorrow though.

KEAWYED Mon 20-Jul-09 21:02:03

forgot to say my DS2 is also 2.5 years old.. hmmm do you think theyve seen the same programme 'how to send mum insane with one big scream' wink

Flgihtattendant Mon 20-Jul-09 21:05:23

It's just so acutely painful isnt' it! Do your sons have good language yet? My elder boy spoke v v well by this age, prob 300 words or more, (yes I did count, pfb you know wink) and never ever screamed like this. Mind you he never had an elder bro trying to spoil his games.

I told my mother about it earlier and she instantly said 'put your hand on his mouth' so I don't think that's necessarily a terrible thing to do, well she might be wrong, it seemed quite sensible to me - if done gently etc. I've just been going 'shhhhh' and frowning a bit as well.

KEAWYED Mon 20-Jul-09 21:09:21

DS1 spoke late and had speech therapy and now has great language.
WE've actually got SaLT coming on wednesday to assess him

His older brother does a lot of talking for him so I think he thinks Whats the point!!

brandonsflower Wed 22-Jul-09 08:49:57

My DS does this too ( he is also 2.5)
I have spent the morning in tears, and lately I actually dread getting up in the moning, because from 5.30 am until bedtime he screams, anything from his programme finishing on television, to having the wrong cup will set him off. And he does repeated loud screams. I am so miserable!

Sorry to have a moan on your thread, it is just such a relief to find I am not alone as a shattered nerved mum! ( I just googled screaming toddler before I found this- good ol' mumsnet, should have known to try here first!)

notyummy Wed 22-Jul-09 08:58:30

Havent got many words of wisdom, but from my toddler experience I would say that I would avoid giving him the thing/action he wants from screaming (unless older DB is hitting him/nicking stuff obviously). If he is screaming because he wants something then he doesn't get it until he stops - I appreciate he doesn't have much language, so you may not expect him to ask for stuff - but he needs to learn that screaming doesn't get him anywhere.

Suzi123 Thu 30-Jul-09 22:12:42

My son is a terrible shouter, I am also a my wits end and looking for help. Today I covered his mouth gently as 'shhhh'is just not cutting it. He does it louder the more I say 'nooooo'. He shouts from being happy, excited, annoyed, stressed, hungry, everything. I'm tearing my hair out and would be interested to hear too.

We have new neighbours and I'm worried they'll get annoyed. Also we have his window open at night and occasionally he will scream/bellow so loud at night, I'm sure the whole road can hear.

Sorry for going on but you're not alone xx

chocolatefudgebrownie Thu 30-Jul-09 22:22:36

My dd 18 months is also a screamer. She hates being restrained by the pushchair or car seat. The neighbours come out of their flats to see what all the fuss is about. I am so embarrassed, if I try to shhh her, she screams louder! I just ignore the screams now and she calms down, eventually. She wears me down emotionally with her blood curdling screams.

CaresMildly Fri 31-Jul-09 09:52:05

I don't know if this is any help but when my girl screams (which she quite enjoys doing) I sort of join in. So it turns it from a situation where she's winding herself up into a game. She is younger than yours though so perhaps it doesn't have the same effect with an older child?

It is also quite therapeutic from my POV, until the dog joins in and starts howling. We are a nice family and very popular in our neighbourhood!!

TrinityRhinoIsInDetention Fri 31-Jul-09 09:55:11

flight, why are you spelt wrong?

findmeaname Mon 03-Aug-09 08:48:40

I go by the same theory as notyummy. My daughter is 23 months old and for the last 2 months or so she screams a VERY piercing scream which goes right through you and actually leaves your ears ringing for a few seconds while you recover. I have been ignoring it as luckily she doesn't do it all the time, just when she wants something and can't get it. I'm sure it's just frustration as she can't say the words but it's an awful noise.

But I have been 'ignoring' it since it started and it hasn't done anything to stop it so now I'm becomming frustrated with her frustration! I don't get her what she wants until she has stopped the screaming so that she doesn't feel it is a useful tool. I'm hoping that as she starts to talk the screaming will stop, although I do know someone whose daughter screamed terribly for years.

It is very frustrating but the experts usually say that we should ignore bad behaviour and reward good so I'm doing my best to stick to that.

Good luck

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