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My 4 year old is a monster :(

(13 Posts)
faeriemummy Mon 20-Jul-09 13:20:47

Anyone else having problems with running away, refusing to cooperate, defiance, and aggression?
Just don't know what to do with him
He can be really sweet, clever and lovely, but his behaviour has got so much worse in the last few months. Cannot think what has caused it

pippylongstockings Mon 20-Jul-09 13:46:42

Not sure if it really helps but my SIL always said terrible twos and threes but F*ING FOURS!

My 4yo is slowly getting better he is now 4.7 but it did get to a stage at the begining of the year where my MIL suggested we take hom to see a doctor or other health profession about what she said was his 'problem'.

He once pushed his brother down the stairs, and would just lose it in tantrums for the samallest of things. I have tried to be calm andd consistant and try and help him vocalise his feelings so he can learn to cope with his emotions.

I know lots of people have recommended 'How to talk so children will listen'
Deep breaths - this too will pass.

faeriemummy Mon 20-Jul-09 13:56:49

Thanks- just knowing i'm not alone is really nice! I will look up the book

DidEinsteinsMum Mon 20-Jul-09 14:00:49

You are not alone. I have just deleted a long post into my little darling but he is a periodic devil child and angel. We are out there and hopefully it will get better but i am waiting.

northender Mon 20-Jul-09 14:03:00

My thread from last night re dd's bedtime issues should show you you're not alonesmile.

faeriemummy Mon 20-Jul-09 14:24:49

Thanks feel tiny bit better now. Sounds very like my sons behaviour- he is good at bedtime but i get this behaviour whenever i ask him to do anything he doesn't want to do. He can dress himself but rarely does- usually it is all i can do to get his clothes on without losing my temper. I never knew i had a temper until i had kids! It scares me
The worst thing is his running away- its so hard to take him anywhere public. He knows the consequences but still does it all the time. When i ask him why he says 'well i WANT to get lost'
nothing really works with disciplining him except saying he can't have telly/ a biscuit, etc until he does what i tell him to do. We tried reward charts recently but he lost interest after about a week
Then today i'm told hes been hitting other kids at school- its a new one and i'm so shocked

pippylongstockings Mon 20-Jul-09 14:36:46

For me Magic 1.2.3. has really helped more so than How to talk.

If I start counting now my DS1 will say 'No don't count me' or 'What will happen if you get to 3 Mummy?'

I totally get where you are coming from about not having a temper until you had kids. I screamed the other day so very very loudly my neighbours must have thought I was nuts - because if I didn't scream I thought I might explode. sad

Try and draw up a plan of what's most important - ie running away because he could be in danger. But maybe the dressing himself is not such a big deal ?

faeriemummy Mon 20-Jul-09 14:42:44

No i agree about the dressing himself- its just the one that feels like a big struggle at the moment! Trying to get out of the house is a nightmare. As soon as we're home he takes all his clothes off again!
Feels like we live in Fort Knox to stop him getting out- and while we're out somewhere is the worst- hes too big for a buggy- feel such a failure for having no control over him!

DidEinsteinsMum Mon 20-Jul-09 18:43:33

ds is big and buggies dont last very long but we still have a buggy and it still gets used but only as a threat or last resort. We dont live in fort knox any more - there is no point he could get out even when we did. And to make you feel i bit better i actually told my 4 yo his behaviour was so bad it was making feel like i never wanted to see him again. blush Neighbours must have thought about calling the police but as i also threatened to do that myself i think we were safe on that front. Thankfully since we talked after that event things have settled a bit but some kids are just smarter in others and know exactly which buttons to push and where the front door keys are hidden. angry

Its not the refusing to do stuff that is the worst for me its the violence i get directed at me for daring to say no or do x or y.

I do try to think how i would feel if he was very sick in hospital and count myself lucky he isnt, when we are having a rough patch. It doesnt always work.

As for being a failure Nope it just happens. Cant offer helpful tips though still looking for a few.

DidEinsteinsMum Mon 20-Jul-09 18:45:06

oops posted that long post i didnt think i would to start off with blush sorry it was a bit long.

Lucy88 Mon 20-Jul-09 22:48:53

One of the key messages for my 4 year old when he plays up is 'If Mummy says something she means it' I never, ever threaten to do something that I do not carry out. Any sign of weakness or giving in on a parents part with a 4 year old will be seen as a sing of weakness on their part and it makes them even worse.

For example, 'This is your warning, if you jump on the setee agin with your trainers on you are going to go onto time out' He persists, he goes on time out.

This is your warning, if you hit me again you will go on time out. He hits again he goes on time out.

On a day out on Saturday - If you do not say sorry to (Mummy's friend) for being rude to her you will not be going on the trampoline. Took him 30 minutes to say sorry, but that was 30 minutes before he was allowed to go on the trampoline, despite the tears.

For me 4 is the age where you really have to stick to your guns about what you expect and carry out the consequences. Mixed in with looking out for the good things they do and constantly praise them for it, can work really well.

Miggsie Tue 21-Jul-09 09:49:42

It is a phase, but it will go on longer unless you are firm, have consistent rules and never give in.

Lucy88 is spot on with how to deal with it.

And make sure your partners and other carers follow the same line so there isn't someone he can "get around".

faeriemummy Tue 21-Jul-09 11:44:50

That sound good, i think you're right. I'm so nervous of him starting school in sept- his teacher looks about 16! Aaargh i hope he doesn't walk all over her (hmm)
Was the last straw yesterday with him hitting other kids at pre-school, his teacher told me she'd have to ring me if he was like it again today! (blush)
Well i'm off to collect him wish me luck!

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