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Breast Feeding a 3 years - DP Pressure to stop - DD Not wanting to - Im in the middle!!!

(17 Posts)
SilenceIsChocolate Wed 15-Jul-09 13:35:43

Hello there - First I would like to say I really am not a freak, I've heard al the "bitty" jokes, read extracts from MN and LLL and I am upsides with all the benefits of breastfeeding.

My DD was allergic to milk/formula/goats milk etc so I was advised by hospital dietician to continue to Bfeed until she was 2 yrs old.

I used fortified rice milk as milk substitute in cooking and for bottles etc but her 2nd birthday came and went....she is now 3 and she is still enjoying/finding comfort from feeding. Mainly first thing in the morning and last thing at night.

I would like to stop but DD will not respond to cold turkey as I have tried that and Im only letting her feed occasionally when she asks when at home.

My DP, in the midst of a discussion about how he thought I didn't give him enough attention (and that he thought our relationship was over )Started a tirade about how he thought I was weak, that all the mothers who breast fed for longer than HE thought acceptable were doing it for their own selfishness - How I was stunting her development in keeping her in baby state etc.....well, the word he used was "horse shit" (nice) to describe what the WHO etc say!!!!!!

Oh god, it went on and on - made me feel even more defiant and angry ( and upset and depressed) that he has little understanding of her development what has happened because of her health and that I want to wean but the tough approach is not going to be a good way forward.

DD resisted potty learning until only recently (she is VERY strong willed) but she will only use her potty when out not public loos - She still finds doing a poo in potty or loo difficult.

I wanted to get her off the breast when I knew she was more confident with using potty or loo before I tackled the next step for her.

She is a very bright, happy and sociable child but at the same time highly sensitive and is easliy over stimulated.

Luxmum Wed 15-Jul-09 13:55:46

Hmm... well I BFed till mine were over a year, I am amazed you are able to keep yours going till 3. I found that my milk mostly went if I was only feeding twice a day. Can you scale back, offer the bottle or beaker first to your DD? Or why not just say that you are tired, or not feeling well, and for today, can she drink her milk from the bottle, and then she goes to bed, and gradually scale back like that? There is no reason why you have to go cold turkey, and it's not like you are going to neglect your DD by stopping the BFing.. It's just a phase/stage in her life that ends. And I can imagine that yes, your Dh does feel ignored or at least, resentful at a toddle taking up your time, and which he sees (maybe not correctly) as still being baby-ized. Good luck in weaning her, adn I am sure it'll sort itself out. Mine self weaned in the end, and I missed the closeness, but well, life goes on, and they're doubly cute now, if also stubborn annoying bolloxes too.smile

ladyofshallots Wed 15-Jul-09 14:01:12

I think you have done brilliantly and given dd the best possible start. Have you thought about letting her self wean? If you are happy and dd is happy then it is really up to you if you carry on, not dp. I fail to see why bf a three year old should mean he doesn't get enough attention (and I say this as breastfeeding mother to a 2 year old and soon to be tandem feeding a newborn).

Of course if YOU want to stop then that is different smile

ladyofshallots Wed 15-Jul-09 14:03:19

many people wean using the don't offer don't refuse approach - that might work for you?

alarkaspree Wed 15-Jul-09 14:13:19

Do you think your dh is unhappy about the breastfeeding because he feels uncomfortable about a 3-year-old still feeding (my dh was, a bit, but he was nicer about it) or because you haven't obeyed his instructions. I find it hard to believe that your feeding a toddler twice a day makes much difference to the amount of attention he gets so it's not really about that.

Your approach to stopping breastfeeding sounds perfectly sensible but I get the feeling that your post is more asking for advice on how to get your dh on board with it. Is that right? Is he generally unhappy with your relationship or was he just having a rant that day?

SilenceIsChocolate Wed 15-Jul-09 15:39:19

I do the don't offer don't refuse but i do find if I sit on the sofa she sees that as her window! however many times a day....A cuddle or alternative doesn't wash with her....well sometimes another drink or chocolate works!

DP is uncomfortable about her age - although he knows why I continued - I do wish my milk would just dry up but it hasn't! He was also using it as ammo as he was having a general rant - sometimes I feel surrounded by irrational neediness all the time!

I even went to the doctor but he didn't want to put me on the hormone drug - bit too strong for this case.

I thought she would self wean but she loves it!

ladyofshallots Wed 15-Jul-09 16:10:55

Well if it helps, you are not alone in feeding a three year old and there is nothing wrong with carrying on. I intend to feed my dd until she decides she wants to wean, but as she gets older I have imposed some restrictions and she is old enough to learn that I only feed her at certain times.

DrZeus Wed 15-Jul-09 16:33:32

I fed both of my dc until their 3rd birthdays. It was my decision to end but they soon got used to it. I'd say don't let others force you to give up.

mrsgboring Wed 15-Jul-09 16:38:15

placemarking to come back when i have time to reply properly

nickytwotimes Wed 15-Jul-09 16:42:26

Nothing wrong with feeding a 3 year old.

Is your dp using this as a peg to hang the relationship problems on? Tbh, I do not see how feeding a 3 year old would be at all time consuming or overly diverting. God knows my not bfing 3 year old takes up a lot of me and dp's attention, so how does he imagine it would be different if she wasn't feeding?

SilenceIsChocolate Wed 15-Jul-09 23:06:14

I think he thinks that I will feel less tired and more up for sex tbh! Plus he thinks I am emotionally hanging on to it not wanting her to grow up which is not the case at all. Today she fed once during the day but that was only as I sat down on the sofa after doing a bit of computer work and she wanted some comfort. When i ask her why she still likes doing it she happily tells me, "I like it mummy, it tastes nice and it's my favorite"......I never say it is just for babies but I do gently mention that at some point she will grow out of it.

zebramummy Thu 16-Jul-09 20:49:42

i fed ds until just after 3 when he self-weaned (strangely this happened on the first whole day he was left at nursery - it was our first proper separation since birth and he burst into tears when we got home and never breastfed again). i was quite happy tbh as i did not have to refuse it to him and i had been thinking of stopping for a while

zebramummy Thu 16-Jul-09 20:50:32

sorry meant whole morning at nursery - he is still P/T there!

LeninGrad Thu 16-Jul-09 20:53:40

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fishie Thu 16-Jul-09 20:59:01

aww silence don't let him bully you into doing something you don't want to. do you really want to stop or are you feeling as though you ought to?

i can't see how breastfeeding children has any effect on their maturity or development. it is all very different from feeding a baby isn't it.

mrsgboring Thu 16-Jul-09 22:50:28

hello said i'd be back but baby asleep on my hand and low laptop battery so sorry to be brief.

my ds1 was very like how you describe your dd. he fed till 3.5 and took basically that long to potty train too. it all suddenly fell into place and there was no sign of it coming. hang in there and try to be as confident as possible it will all be fine. it will smile

Loopymumsy Fri 17-Jul-09 21:19:58

Message withdrawn

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