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today i hit ds, i don't know what to do next.

(10 Posts)
desperateforhelp Mon 13-Jul-09 20:42:00

ds1 is 9. he has been really hard work for about 4 years and near impossible for 2. he has been assessed for aspergers and the pychologists he saw thought he was calm, polite and normal.

however at home, with dh and i, he is horrendous. he never ever ever does as he is asked, ever, everything is an arguement, he calls us stupid and idiots. he is so angry and raises his fists to me regularly although has never hit me.

every morning i try to start afresh but he doesn't even say hello before launching into a verbal attack about something i've done wrong, or something he's doing that isn'r going right, this is also my fault.

i just have no patience, no reserves left, and today, 15 mins after he got in from school, i hit him, about 6 times.

i am horrified at myself, i feel sick and ashamed and can't look him in the eye. i just lost it, i can't cope with him anymore, i just can't.

i just want to run away and sleep, am so drained. i think i am depressed because of the situation, i can't get out of it.

what do i do? i know we need help but no-one seems interested. the gp referred us to the pyschology team who were worse than useless.

he is fine at school. i have 2 younger children who are 1 and 2. dh is supportive but also has no idea what to do next.

please help.

DorotheaPlenticlew Mon 13-Jul-09 20:58:07

Don't know what to say but hoping someone better informed can advise you soon.

When you say hit him, how do you mean? Smacks in the face, smacks on the bottom, or what? I don't even really know why I am asking this but I guess it is to try and figure out whether we are talking about an extremely nasty scene, or just a quite bad mistake that has frightened you without too much lasting damage.

Hoping your DS and you are both going to be fine.

DorotheaPlenticlew Mon 13-Jul-09 21:17:04

Going to bed, bumping for you.

shhhh Mon 13-Jul-09 21:17:17

Sorry to hear you are so down.

Life can be hard with dd (4) so I have no idea how life with a hardwork 9 yr old can be sad.

I won't even try and offer advice as im a

I know the one time I have hit/tapped dd I felt vvvvv bad afterwards vowed never to do it again BUT I know it can be tested.

I hope someone will be along soon who can give you the help advice and support you need...all I can suggest is that you speak to your gp again and explain how severe the situation is getting/has gotten.

{{{hugs}}} to you and don't be so harsh on yourself. xx

danthe4th Mon 13-Jul-09 21:43:09

I can completely understand, kids have the knack of pushing for attention whichever way they can get it good or bad. You are obviously knackered from looking after 2 little ones. You say he became worse 2 years ago, hello!!! this is possibly a reaction to being the only child for 7 years and then having 2 siblings.I know you say he has never been the best at behaving at home, but he is fine at school. You need to take a step back, sit down as a family and have a heart to heart, keeping calm. Easier said than done, but you have to do this, you are the adult and he is obviously having problems and needs support. Try going back to basics, small treats just dad and him or you, swimming or football, a new sport, try to build his self esteem and confidence up with heeps of praise when he does well.He is still young, don't forget that, we sometimes expect too much.Try to give him time without the little ones. Give everyone time to calm down, apologise to him and explain why you are upset. Has the school got a counsellor who could mediate for you. I do sympathise I had trouble with my daughter at this age, but we survived and are better for it. Boys can be very sensitive and feel the pressure to be macho.They often lack the skills to communicate how they feel,perhaps dad could try to talk with him and help him, not easy for many dads but worth a try. But keep calm, don't rise to it, ignore the behaviour you don't want, and praise when he speaks nicely with you. I hope I haven't said too much and waffled on and on!!!

frankbestfriend Mon 13-Jul-09 21:50:15


I know it's hard but try to see this as the turning point, your rock bottom, and that this is when things will start to get better.

How did the situation escalate so quickly this afternoon? You say that this all occured within 15 minutes of your ds returning from school, try and unravel how you came to be so frustrated and angry so quickly.

Hassled Mon 13-Jul-09 21:52:25

Does your school have a Parent (sometimes Family) Support Adviser? You can ask the school office for details of how to contact them - the PSA is a good starting/central point for help. He/she will know who to contact and is just there to help with parenting issues and find the righht resources.

You really need some support with your DS - and someone out there will provide it for you. Don't give up till you've got the help with him you need. And what's done is done - you just have to make damn sure it doesn't happen again.

bobbysmum07 Tue 14-Jul-09 01:06:00

If he was assessed by a doctor and found to be normal and is ok at school, then he doesn't have Aspergers. No one can turn that on and off.

It sounds like he has some behavioural problems, but again, he is able to control his behaviour at school so they can't be that deep-rooted.

Maybe you should go on one of those parenting courses to learn how to discipline your kids effectively. I wouldn't hit him again if I were you (judging by what you've said, he may be upstairs now phoning Childline), but you'll probably find that it will have done him more good than harm in the long run.

blinks Tue 14-Jul-09 01:40:39

are there any other problems/issues surrounding him and/or your family?

Supercherry Tue 14-Jul-09 07:22:42

Desperatefor help, is this the first time you have hit him?

What happened straight after?

How are you both today?

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